Unanswered Prayers
by Inflamed
Summary: This is an AU story where Heath is a Reverend and meets the Barkley's when he is sent to be supply clergy.


 _ **Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers  
Remember when you're talkin to the man upstairs  
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care  
Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.**_

Victoria Barkley looked at her assembled family. Eugene, her youngest was home for the summer, Audra, her only daughter, Nick, her loud, boisterous man and Jarrod, the lawyer. She sighed wishing her late husband Tom could be here to see the success of their family. They were eating Sunday breakfast before church. Everyone was dressed in their finest and the table was noisy with talk.

"Something wrong Ma?" Eugene asked sitting next to her at the dining room table.

"No, just thankful for my wonderful family. We must hurry if we're going to make it on church on time," Mother stood up and ushered her children out of the room.

The drive to the church was quiet, with Eugene leading the team of horse along with Victoria, Jarrod and Audra in the buggy. Nick chose to ride his own horse as he had some errands to run after church.

The family came in and went to their pew. It was on the Gospel side and was up front to see the pastor. Singing the opening hymn they sat down and clasped their hands during the service.

"Good morning," a very handsome blond man smiled. "As you know I will be replacing Reverend Stacy while he's on a long overdue leave. I'm Reverend Heath Thomson. I'm sure you will make my stay here enjoyable. Now will you turn to number 99 in your hymnals."

The service over, the Barkley's made their way out of the church and to greet to new pastor, he was very popular as every single family stopped and greeted him on his way out. Thomson appeared jovial and his laughter was contagious. Waiting patiently the Barkley family finally made their way to greet the new pastor.

"Good morning," Victoria beamed. "I'm Victoria Barkley," offering her hand.

"Mrs. Barkley," Thomson, "Reverend Stacy told me all about you." He smiled his smile bright and happy.

"I hope it was all good," the silver haired woman laughed.

"Oh yes, nothing but. Seems you Barkley's have a big influence in this valley," Heath grinned.

"Oh where are my manners? This is my daughter, Audra, and my sons, Eugene, Jarrod and Nick." Each offspring offered their hand.

"Reverend perhaps we can impose on you to have dinner with us some night?" Victoria looked at the young pastor.

"I'd love to ma'am. Unfortunately you will have to wait in line. It seems half the congregation has asked to me to supper. I'm sorry," the young man looked at her.

"It's all right. When you have a free evening of course. Come children we must go now. It was a lovely sermon. When you are free contact my son Jarrod. He has an office in town."

"I surely will ma'am. Good day." Heath continued to shake hands with the rest of his flock garnering more dinner invitations.

Later during Sunday supper Audra had a dreamy look on her face as she ate.

"Are you all right dear?" Mother patted her daughter's hand.

"I'm fine Mother just fine," the blonde went back to her plate.

"She's just thinking of Reverend Thomson," Eugene laughed.

"Yeah I bet all the invitations he got for dinner were ones with daughters," Nick grumbled.

"Well he is a change from Reverend Stacy. I must say his sermon this morning was unique," Jarrod sat down his fork. "He seems to have an interesting perspective on the world.

Heath looked at his schedule and realized he had an evening free. For the past month he didn't have to worry about cooking for himself or eating out. He found he was blessed that way, any new assignment he was never lacking for invitations. Getting up he put on his hat and coat and decided to see Mr. Barkley about a dinner invitation.

Walking to the lawyer's office he was stopped on the street, taking him take twice as long to get there. He didn't mind. Once at the office he went in and found a secretary.

"Good afternoon," Thomson took off his had. "Would it be possible to see Mr. Barkley?"

"Are your Reverend Thomson?" the man asked.

"Yes I am," Heath half smiled and was let into Jarrod's office. He found the lawyer sitting as his desk, concentrating on some paperwork

"Reverend," Jarrod stood up. "Do what do I owe this pleasure?" The lawyer walked around his desk and walked to Thomson.

"Your mother told me to tell you when I had a free night available," the pastor looked around the well appointed office and the large bookcases. "I think I could make myself home here. You did have a very grand library."

"Ah yes, but you see reverend, these are all law books. Very dry stuff unless you're an attorney. Now at the house yes we have a fine library. Do you read?" Jarrod's eyes twinkled.

"Oh yes, one of my favorite pastimes. Or one of my weaknesses," Heath laughed. "I'm not much of an outdoor type I'm afraid."

"Oh. Where are my manners? Would you care for a drink?" Jarrod went over to his table with libations.

"No, thank you. Don't smoke, drink or cuss. Sorry," the blond shrugged.

"I guess a man of the cloth has some high standards to live up to. I'm the one who should apologize. You were saying you were free for dinner?" Jarrod sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms.

"Yes. Next Thursday if that's okay with your family. My weekends are usually busy I try to keep them free. I'm sure you understand," Heath continued to stand.

"Well as far as I know we have nothing going on. It is kinda quiet at home for once. I'll tell Mother and let you know tomorrow. If that's fine with you?"

"That would be splendid," the pastor stuck out his hand. "Thank you again."

"No thank you," Jarrod took the man's hand.

Wednesday night before going to the Barkley's for dinner. Heath was working on his sermon and then set his pen down. He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach and knew what he had to do.

Before his current posting he had a long talk with his superior.

" _I'm afraid I've done it again John," Heath sighed heavily._

" _And what was that?" John looked at him._

" _I got attached to a few families in my last posting. I'm just finding it hard to minister to them without getting involved, knowing I'll be leaving in a short time and their regular pastor will be coming back," Heath shook his head. "What am I doing wrong?"_

" _You're doing nothing wrong my boy. You're supposed to minister, help and guide them. You're supposed to love them, just as the Lord said."_

" _Yes but how come saying good bye seems to get harder and harder each time? Why can't the Lord see fit to find me a permanent home? I feel I'm running around in circles. I've seen all my seminary classmates have their own congregations and I'm still traveling around," he played with a button of his vest._

" _You just have to have patience Heath. You are doing the Lord's work, just be grateful for that. It will come. It will come. Just pray for guidance and strength," John patted his shoulder._

" _All right. I'll pray harder."_

Now he seemed he was at the same place again. The Barkley's were just another family he would get attached to. The lawyer was intelligent, and jovial. He had seen the looks the daughter gave him. Oh too often he had to break a young woman of a crush or two. He wiped it out of his mind and went back to concentrate on his sermon.

Riding in his buggy to the Barkley Ranch, Heath felt his stomach turn. He knew the Barkley's were one of the richest families in California. Reverend Stacy had written a note telling him all about them. When he pulled up to mansion he had to take deep breaths to calm his nerves. The mansion was intimidating, saying a small prayer he pulled up to the front.

"Buenos nochas, Senor," a large Mexican came up to him.

"Good evening." Heath stopped his horses.

"You must be the Barkley's guest for dinner. Please give me your horse."

Climbing out of the buggy Thomson gave the man his reins and headed towards the front door. He knocked on it and waited. A black servant opened the door.

"Good evening," Heath felt the color rise to his cheeks.

"Evening. You be Reverend Thomson?" The servant asked.

"Yes. Yes I am," the blond found his voice.

"Please come in the family is waiting for you. I'll take your hat," the man offered a hand.

"Thank you and you are?" Heath asked handing over his hand to the man.

"Silas sir."

"Nice to meet you."

"Right this way." Silas made his way to the parlor. Heath took in the foyer of house. The foyer alone was as large as his small parsonage, the grand staircase and the fresh scent of flowers filled his nostrils. In the parlor there was a huge fireplace, well appointed chairs, tables and lamps. The size of the rooms overwhelmed him since he was used to living in small spaces. Trying not to gawk he watched as the male Barkley's stood as he walked into the room.

"Aw there he is," Victoria got up and approached Heath." I'm glad you finally made it. Please come in would you like a drink."

The pastor shook his head looking at the well dressed family.

"Ah. Mother. Our good pastor doesn't smoke, drink or cuss," Jarrod smiled.

"Really. I find that hard to believe," Nick turned around from the liquor cart.

"No it's true," Heath waved his hand. "I'll just enjoy your company before dinner. Unless…"

"Unless what?" Mother asked their guest.

"Why Mr. Barkley told me about your magnificent library," the pastor beamed.

"Magnificent? You sure you ain't lying pastor?" Nick laughed.

Silas came in announcing dinner.

"I guess the library will have to wait until after dinner, reverend."

"I can wait. I have plenty of patience," the pastor gave a crooked smile.

"Another virtue I suppose," the lawyer patted Heath on the back following the ladies into the dining room. Once in the dining room he saw how the family took its place. Mrs. Barkley sat at the front of the table. The lawyer at the other end, assuming the father's position, Eugene and Audra were on the left side of the table and Heath was placed to the left of Mrs. Barkley next to Nick, the rancher. Steeling his nerves he readied himself for dinner conversation and not saying anything to upset his benefactors.

While eating the pastor looked at the easy camaraderie and love shared at the table. Part of him was jealous of the loving family; he pushed his feelings aside and continued with the task at hand. The meal was more than he imagined and continued eating as the lively discussion continued.

"You don't talk much do you Pastor?" Nick looked at him. His hazel eyes seemed to bore into Heath's blue ones.

"Well to be honest Mr. Barkley I was just enjoying your company. Most people only want to hear their pastor's speak on Sunday I'm afraid," the blond smiled.

"Ain't that the truth," the rancher snorted.

"Nicholas please," Victoria begged, "we do have company."

"Yes Mother," Nick suddenly found his plate more interesting.

"About your sermons, Reverend," Jarrod looked at Heath.

"Yes Mr. Barkley," the pastor looked up from his plate.

"Reverend since there are so many of us why don't you call us by our first names?" Jarrod offered.

Heath went to adjust the collar of his shirt, then looked at the family took a deep breath. "I can understand that but I prefer to remain formal, if you don't mind."

"But Mother," Eugene protested. "How are we to know which Mr. Barkley the pastor is talking to?"

"Well Eugene you ain't a mister by a long shot. You ain't even got facial hair yet," Nick snickered.

Victoria rolled her eyes. "I'm so sorry Reverend," she glared at her children. "We will honor your request since you are our guest."

"Thank you Mrs. Barkley. I find it easier since I'm only here a short time. Thank you for understanding," Heath smiled at the silver haired woman, all ready finding her comforting. He pushed it down and concentrated on his meal.

Once dinner was over the family retired to the parlor for dessert and coffee, the pastor followed them and was given the chair nearest the door.

He ate the chocolate cake greedily since the last few places he had dinner was lacking in such marvelous cooking.

"You like chocolate cake do you?" Audra looked up.

Wiping his face, Heath smiled. "Yes Miss Barkley. One of my vices."

"Chocolate cake a vice? You are a strange one pastor," Nick was standing by his chair.

"Yes I'm afraid so but the cake and the whole meal was delicious and I must say I'm not much of a cook either. Now Mr. Barkley you said something about seeing your library."

Jarrod looked up from his coffee. "Oh yes. If you'll follow me."

Heath followed the lawyer into another large room of the house. The hardwood floor and large desk made him feel small. He went to the bookcases, with his hands behind his back, and started looking at the titles.

"You may touch them if you like. Borrow them too," Jarrod looked at the pastor.

Heath turned around. "Borrow did I hear you say? Why I guess I could spend my whole life in this room. You have such a grand collection," he swept his arm around the room.

"You do like books don't you?" the lawyer walked over to him.

"Yes as your brother says I'm a strange one. I sometimes think books are my best friends… at least the good book. Why if I'm troubled." _Which is more often than not these days._ "I just read it and it sets my mind at ease."

"Help yourself Reverend. While you're here of course. How long is that again?"

"Only six months and then I move on." Heath pointed to chair.

Jarrod nodded yes and Heath sat down. He heard a rustle of a skirt and saw it was Audra.

"So you move on do you?" the lawyer looked at his sister and him.

"Yes I'm what you call a supply pastor. When other pastors, like your Reverend Stacy take leave or have an emergency I feel in. Why I've been as far away as Chicago and then to San Francisco."

"Then I take it your not ready to settle down?" Jarrod moved towards Audra.

"Heaven's no, not until I find a permanent posting. I feel it wouldn't be fair to any woman for me to go courting." The pastor knew he had hit his mark as the rustle of skirts left the room.

"You are a gentleman if nothing else," Jarrod made his way over to Heath.

The pastor stood up. "I don't know what you're talking about. I only speak the truth. It's getting late."

"Please I saw you looking at these. You can return them to me at my office," the lawyer handed Heath two books.

"You're too kind, but I'll take them," Heath took them and followed the lawyer out. He found the family still in the parlor.

He placed the books on the foyer table, where he found his hat. Then walked over to his hostess. "I want to thank you again for a lovely meal and company. It's been awhile since I've had such an enjoyable evening."

"Sure you don't lie Pastor," Nick came over and shook his hand and smiled.

Heath felt the tight grip of Nick's hand and was glad his sister was no longer interested in him since he would be no match. "No Mr. Barkley, the Lord frowns on such behavior and I have to set a good example to my flock." Nick released his grip and he felt the blood return to his hand.

"Reverend," Victoria approached him. "Perhaps you can find you way to have dinner with us again."

Heath looked at the family and steeled his heart. He would be moving on and he had to show a stronger heart and fortitude. "I can't make any promises Mrs. Barkley. Besides I don't think it would look right if I spend all my time here. I'm sure you understand."

Victoria's eyes locked into Heath's and saw pain in his eyes. "Yes of course Reverend. We will see you at church and other social functions?"

"Yes ma'am. I will try to make a few dances, time permitting of course. Thank you again for an enjoyable evening. I will return the books your son loaned me. Good night."

"Good night," the family said.

Heath took his hat, the books and made his way out of the large house.

After dinner the family retired to the parlor where cake and coffee was served.

Heath enjoyed the chocolate cake and finished it while the rest of the family talked. He hadn't meant to be rude but it was a weakness.

"Tell me Reverend, do you have any family?" Mrs. Barkley asked.

"I'm an orphan. Actually I was told I was born around here," he took a sip of his coffee.

"Really now?" Nick's ears picked up, "Where?"

"I'm sure you don't even know it. It was a small mining town called Strawberry."

"Strawberry?" Victoria set her coffee down and looked intently at the pastor.

"Yes ma'am. My mother died when she gave birth to me. All I have is her bible. I was turned over to a religious orphanage."

"If I may ask how old are you Reverend?" Victoria asked her mind turning.

"I'm twenty-five, been a pastor the last four years since I finished my schooling." Heath

smiled.

"An orphan?" Audra frowned.

"Oh Miss Barkley. It's not that sad."

"Were you ever adopted?" the blonde cheered up.

"No, those prayers weren't answered but many were."

"How so?" Jarrod looked at the happy man.

"Well the man who ran the orphanage, he was a pastor saw fit for me to go to school and become a pastor. I did feel the Lord calling me and I'm really blessed where ever I go." The pastor took another sip of his coffee feeling a bit pressured but knew he had to endure it every time he had a new assignment.

"Blessed?" the lawyer shook his head.

"Yes Mr. Barkley. I may have not been adopted by I'm what you call a supply pastor. Like when Reverend Stacy went on this leave. I've been as far away as Boston and to San Francisco. Everywhere I go I get a new congregation and a new family so to speak," he smiled genuinely happy with his situation.

"But don't you ever want to settle down?" Nick grumbled. "I mean have your own congregation?"

"Of course Mr. Barkley. But it will be in the Lord's time and not mine."

"Hum," Nick rubbed his chin.

The clock in the parlor struck nine and Heath looked up.

"My look at the time. I must get back to town. I can say I've had a very enjoyable evening. I can see myself out."

Victoria stood up and walked him to the door. "Perhaps you would consider dining with us again?" She said hopefully.

"I'll see what I can do ma'am. Again it was an enjoyable evening."

The next morning after the dinner Heath reflected on the Barkley's. He had run across many rich families in each congregation he filled in for but the Barkley's were different. They didn't seem to flaunt their wealth, power and riches like other families he had met. They hadn't dictated on what his sermons should be, let alone his behavior. Not that it mattered he had followed his own heart with each posting and the Lord's will which coursed through his soul.

The Barkley's were enjoying breakfast the next morning.

"Don't you think it's a shame the Pastor doesn't have his own congregation, someplace to call home?" Audra looked at her mother.

"Yes it is. But he seems fine with it. But there's something, something I don't know," Victoria looked across the table at Jarrod. Jarrod looked intently at her too.

"Well if you ask me Pastor Thomson is wound a bit too tight," Nick buttered his bread.

"Wound?" Eugene looked at him.

"Yes Gene, wound like if something happens he'd explode," the rancher showed his hands exploding.

"Naw I think you're crazy Nick he seems like a very nice fellow," Gene looked at his older brother.

"Listen to me boy. I know one when I see one. Why he was so polite, kind like butter wouldn't even melt in his mouth, but you could tell," Nick shook his head. "What'd you think Jarrod?"

"Huh. What?" Jarrod turned to Nick.

"I asked what you thought of the Pastor. I think he's wound too tight."

"Nick you think anyone who has manners and culture suspect. I think he's a breath of fresh air, maybe you can learn something from him," the lawyer laughed.

"Learn something from him. Why he had the most pitiful handshake and soft hands. He probably hasn't worked a day in his life," the rancher lamented.

"Nick he's a man of cloth, give him a break." Jarrod chastised Nick.

"Fine. Just fine."

The pastor made sure he looked perfect, his collar in place, and his clothes nice and pressed and then looking in the mirror he plastered a smile on his face. His congregation had been asking him to come to the Saturday dances, not that it mattered. Moving on he would put in the requisite appearance or two and everyone would be happy.

People were dancing when he showed up. The band was better than most and people waved to him. The children were off to the side and adults were dancing. Nine times out of ten the punch was spiked so he stuck to the coffee and cookies. Off to the side but hopefully seen by most of the people, Heath watched the goings on. Figuring out who were a couple, who was expecting and any running feuds going on in the town. He was surprised when the Barkley's made their way over.

"Good evening Pastor," Victoria came over dressed in a fine gown, along with the rest of her family.

Heath had marveled at how many dresses the women owned, since he had been here he didn't think he had seen any Barkley women in the same dress twice.

"Good evening Mrs. Barkley," Heath shook her hand. Her family stood behind her.

"So are you enjoying the dance?" She smiled.

"Yes of course. Everyone seems to be having fun," Heath smiled and counted the hours he had to stay and then he could leave.

"I'm sure we must seem awful provincial after Chicago," the lawyer asked.

"No, Mr. Barkley I find dances pretty much the same all over." _Boring and predictable._

"Really?" Nick shrugged. "Why Stockton puts on the finest dances in the valley."

"Yes of course Mr. Barkley." _Stockton, Chicago. Insert your favorite town._

"Something wrong Pastor?" Audra looked at him.

"Yes I think I'm developing a headache. I'm sorry but I must say my goodnights. I'll see you in church." Heath waved and made hasty retreat to his parsonage.

The rhythms of the church were comforting to Heath. With choir practices, bible studies

and Sunday school classes given by Audra Barkley no less. He had settled in comfortable existence. Sick calls became normal too. He would find the family, since God had given him a good sense of direction and comfort them when he could. A few families he knew he would have deeper matters as they would bury loved ones. Then his real work would begin, offering more than prayers and platitudes.

Three months into his posting Heath got the dreaded knock on the door in the middle of the night. He was relaxing on the small couch drinking coffee and reading his book. Comfortable dressed without his collar, vest or jacket and in socks. Every time he returned a book to the lawyer he had given him a new one. Setting it down he got up and walked to his door. Every time he returned a book to the lawyer he had given him a new one. Setting it down he got up and walked to his door.

Opening the door he found a bedraggled man staring at him

"Please come in. I have some coffee made. It looks like you could use it," Heath made his way to the kitchen, poured a cup and then walked back to the man who drank it.

"Ah just what I needed." The man sighed.

"You must be Dr. Merar," the pastor offered his hand.

The doctor shook it and looked at Heath.

"I'm sure you know why I came."

"The Miller girl? I know she was very sick the family hasn't come to church in a few weeks," he offered a weak smile. "When did she pass?"

"Pass? How could you possibly know?" Merar shook his head.

"I've seen one too many of calls like yours doctors. I listen and hear things very clear. I did visit the family last week and could tell things weren't good." The pastor frowned. "I'll call on them tomorrow, after they have some time to themselves. Then we can make arrangements. How are the parents doing?"

"As well as can be expected, Mrs. Miller took it pretty hard. Got hysterical, Mr. Miller he's doing pretty well."

"What about the children?"

"The children? Oh yes there pretty strong too. So far none of them has cried. They just went back to bed. Why?" the doctor looked into the pained eyes of the pastor.

"Well I have found the children get lost in the shuffle, the parents being the center of attention. But I'll attend to them too. I'm sure you're tired and want to get home. I'll let you know if you need to stay close."

"You certainly are a surprise Pastor. I thought for sure I'd see panic and confusion but you're calm."

"Unfortunately I've been through a few too many epidemics in my postings and too many burials to contend with," Heath sighed heavily all ready feeling the burdens of the next few weeks ahead. "It is never easy Doctor or calming."

"I'm sorry it's just."

"It's all right. You'd better get home before you get sick. Thank you for doing what you could for the family."

Heath paid a visit to the family finding them as he thought. The parents were lost in their own grief about losing a beloved child and the children were tight lipped and being 'brave'.

"Mr. and Mrs. Miller we have to talk," the pastor took a sip of the tea offered by the bereaved parents. "I know it's a bad time, but what about arrangements."

Mrs. Miller was inconsolable so stoic Mr. Miller discussed arrangements. It was to be a simple service at the church, with some singing then their small child would be buried in the churchyard. There would be a reception to follow at the house.

Thomson looked at the house, the Miller's were fairly successful merchants in town and their house reflected it. There were two stories, on the second floor bedrooms and on the first floor, kitchen, dining room and parlor. It was here in the parlor, the other three children outside attempting to play, as the adults discussed more serious issues.

Once arrangements were made, Heath assured the family everything would be taken care of. Their daughter's body had all ready been moved to the undertaker and things would move quickly and then very, very slowly. Shaking hands and saying goodbyes the pastor went out of the house to find the children in the backyard. Three children aged three to eleven looked shell socked. The two younger girls were in the swings, not moving and the oldest boy, now since his sister had died, leaned on the set. He would deal with them later, he waved to them and they waved back. Climbing into his buggy he headed back to the parsonage and the lonely task of writing the eulogy for a child lost too soon.

The funeral over Heath had followed the bereaved family to their home. A reception befitting their standing in the community was waiting. Tying his horse and buggy he made his way inside the house. Heath saw quickly the children were regulated to a small bench near the front door; their looks hadn't changed from the service. They looked like dressed up dolls, with no emotion. Staying close to the Miller's he shook each guest hand and tried to comfort those he could

He had been there a few hours when he noticed the children hadn't moved. Making his excuses he went over to the children.

Kneeling he looked each child in the eye.

"Good afternoon children," Heath gave a crooked smile.

"Afternoon pastor," they replied their voices dull and flat.

"You like this?" the pastor pointed to the somber party going on around them.

Each child shook their head 'no.'

"Do you miss your sister?"

Each child looked at each other then nodded 'yes'.

"Have you cried for your sister?" He took each child's chin in his hand looking at the pained eyes.

"No, sir. We're being brave." The oldest boy declared.

"You don't have to be brave you know," the pastor could see the strain on each child's face.

The three year old girl broke first. A steady stream of tears fell down her face. Before long all the children were crying silent tears.

Heath picked up the three year old and held her tightly in his arms. The other two children stood by each side and he made his way up the stairs. What he didn't know was he had an audience of sorts.

Audra Barkley looked as the pastor took the children and comforted them. She had all the children in her Sunday school class and watched the whole thing.

The pastor went to the top of the stairs and found the parents bedroom. Setting each child on the bed, he removed their shoes and had them lay down. He covered them with a quilt as they cried themselves to sleep. Once sure the children were asleep, Heath closed the door behind him and went down stairs to the parents. Calling them aside he spoke to them quietly.

"Your children are upstairs in your bedroom. Their going to need some special handling from you. If they want to sleep with you, let them. Before long they will be themselves again. Just don't push them or ask them to be brave. The same goes with you. You have to allow yourselves to grieve." Heath implored the couple which shook their heads and hugged him. Once finished they all went to their duties.

Heath stayed until every guest had left and help clean up. It was midnight before he went home. He turned on the light and pulled out his Mother's bible. Looking at it he felt something pull on him. He knew he had been putting off something he had to do. When things would lighten up he would take the journey that was long overdue.

Heath looked at the roads once getting out of town. Looking at the map he was sure it was the right road and started to turn his buggy towards it. Earlier that morning he had gotten a picnic basket from the local café, a blanket and security. He had heard it was a long, lonely road to Strawberry.

"Reverend," the black clothed Barkley rode up to him.

"Mr. Barkley," the pastor tipped his hat.

"Where you headed?" Nick looked at him.

"Strawberry. This is the right road correct?" Heath's eyebrow went up.

"Strawberry?" the rancher took off his hat, scratched his head and put it back on. "Reverend, I hate to tell you this but Strawberry is a ghost town."

"Yes I know it is but I'm still going. Thank you," the pastor tipped his hat again and spurred his horse and buggy down the road to Strawberry.

Nick shook his head, turned his horse towards the buggy and rode beside the pastor. "You wouldn't mind if I tagged along Pastor. This is a mighty pretty lonely road and seeing as…"

"I'm not armed?" Heath smiled.

"Yes I just wouldn't feel right. I mean if you don't mind." They had both stopped in the middle of the road.

"I wouldn't mind the company and I have a nice picnic lunch packed. I won't mind if you won't. It is such a wondrous and beautiful day wouldn't you say Mister Barkley." _I'm not armed Mr. Barkley but I do have a shotgun under that picnic basket._

"Yes it is a beautiful day. Shall we?" Nick pointed his hand out and they continued on their journey.

They hadn't ridden more than five minutes when Nick started a long, adjective filled narrative about the region. Telling the pastor about gold strikes, outlaws and fortunes made and lost.

The loud, blustery voice of his traveling companion helped to distract his mind on the task in Strawberry. Before long the ghost town loomed with tumble weeds blowing through main street and buildings in decay. Off in the distance he saw his goal and frowned.

"You all right reverend," Nick pulled his horse up to him.

"Just fine Mr. Barkley I believe I've found what I was looking for," Heath urged his horse on until they were at the cemetery. If was overgrown with weeds, with headstones facing in all directions.

Climbing out of the buggy, the pastor laid his hat on the seat and walked carefully to the graveyard. He picked his way carefully looking at each headstone until he found the one he was searching for. It was nothing but a wooden board with a faded name and dates carved on it. Brushing away the cobwebs Heath looked intently on at the grave and kneeled down. **LEAH THOMSON BORN 1830 DIED 1851.** He tried to find a prayer for her immortal soul but couldn't find one. The shadows got longer and his stomach growled in protest. Standing up he found Barkley still on his horse next to his buggy.

Walking over from the cemetery he put his hat back on and climbed back into the buggy. "We can eat lunch now if you like Mr. Barkley." He reached for the basket.

"If you don't mind I think we can find a cooler spot and a lot less dusty," Nick stated.

"Lead on Mr. Barkley, this is after all your territory." Heath clucked his horse and followed Barkley out of town into a small meadow. Climbing down from the buggy, he pulled out a blanket and the basket.

Barkley climbed off his horse and sat on the blanket. "You think of everything pastor."

"Well I wasn't familiar with this area and I just…" he shrugged and pulled out plates, silverware and food. "I got this from the local café. I don't know the quality but it seems to be a busy place. Please help yourself."

"Ain't we going say grace?" Nick had removed his hat and sat crossed legged.

"Yes. Dear Lord thank you for this bounty and kind strangers. Amen."

"Short and sweet Reverend," the rancher took a plate and filled it.

Heath took some food but barely tasted it.

"So that your mother back there," Nick pointed back at Strawberry.

"Yes Mr. Barkley. That was my mother. I'm an orphan. Brought up in an orphanage. A religious orphanage." Heath stated his words sounding cold and distant.

"Oh," Nick chewed on his food not looking at the pastor.

"I know that's been on your mind. Wondering where I came from and how I became a pastor. Most people are interested in and that's about as far as it goes." Heath looked out not seeing anything.

"You all right reverend? You ain't touched your food."

"Well as I boy I dreamed of my mother's grave. You see that's all I had. I dreamed it was a large marble headstone surrounded by green grass with lovely flowers on it. I had seen once in a painting. I guess so I thought it was how my mother's grave would be. But then again I knew better I knew what she was and…." Heath saw as the rancher stared at him intently. _I've said too much better to quit while I'm ahead._ "It's getting late. We should head back."

"Yah, sure." Nick helped him pack up and then climbed on his horse.

Once packed Heath followed the rancher to the outskirts of Stockton and waved.

"Thank you again for escorting me to Strawberry Mr. Barkley. I'm only sorry I could only offer you lunch. How can I repay you?" the pastor looked expectantly at Nick.

"Well," Nick rubbed his hand on his chin. "Mother would love it if you could come over for dinner again."

"I think it can be arranged. Thank you again."

Later in his parsonage Heath sat at his dinner table. He had no appetite, finding going to Strawberry a mistake. Bringing up old feelings and hurts he had pushed deep down in his heart and soul.

Nick whistled as he came into the house, taking off his gun and hat and laying them on the foyer table he found his family waiting for him.

"Nick I thought you wouldn't make home in time for dinner where have you been," Victoria came up and kissed him.

"You'll never believe me," Nick kissed her head.

"Dinner's ready Mrs. Barkley."

"Come children."

The family was seated around the table and dinner was served.

"So where were you brother," Jarrod looked at his brother.

"I was going to the Hanson's but I met someone on the road who needed an escort."

"Oh and who was that?" Audra looked up.

"Our good pastor."

"Oh and where was he going?" Jarrod looked at him. "I got the impression he wasn't around from here."

"That's where you're wrong, brother. Please pass the bread."

Mother passed him the bread. "Well you please tell us!"

"Oh of course Mother. We went to Strawberry," Nick smiled.

"That old ghost town?" Eugene looked at his older brother.

"So what was in Strawberry," the lawyer took a bite of his roast.

"His mother's grave."

"The pastor has a mother?" Eugene looked at mother.

"Eugene dear, everyone has a mother," Victoria looked at Nick. "Did you see her name?"

"Yes I did Mother, it was Leah Thomson and judging from the date on the marker our pastor is about twenty-five but them eyes make me feel like he's an old man. I told you he was wound up tight. Something he said," Nick shook his head.

Victoria stopped eating and looked at Jarrod.

"Nick what else about the pastor?" Audra asked. "What happened?"

"We went to Strawberry, went to the cemetery and then he fed me lunch. Oh Mother." Nick grinned.

"Yes Nick," Victoria replied automatically.

"I wrangled another invite for him to dinner. Figured you'd like that."

"That's wonderful dear. We must see him again."

Dinner finished, the family started going their separate ways.

"Jarrod want to play a game of pool," Nick patted his brother on the back.

"No, Nick not tonight why don't you show Eugene the finer points of the game."

"C'mon you heard him."

Eugene stood up and followed Nick out of the room.

"I'm tired Mother. I'm going to bed," Audra stood up and kissed her mother.

"Good night dear," Victoria returned the kiss and motioned for Jarrod to come sit by her.

It had been a few weeks since the funeral of the Miller girl and things were returning back to their rhythm. The Miller children were slowly returning to normal but he knew all too well of things bubbling underneath the surface. He looked out the window of the small office in the church and looked at the letter he was writing to his superior. Again, time flew and he would be off to another posting, another town, and another congregation with the same problems.

"Lord when will you see fit to find me my own congregation," Heath looked heavenward. "What more else can I do?"

There was a knock on his office door and he went to open it. He found Jarrod Barkley standing there. He found Jarrod to be always nattily dressed in the expensive clothes of a well to do lawyer. Yes he found the lawyer friendly but he knew Jarrod didn't have to work, the Barkley's would never have to work based on the information he had heard.

"Please come in Mister Barkley. Have a seat," Heath pointed to the only other chair available in the small office.

"No, that's not necessary. I'm not staying long. I wanted to ask you to dinner."

"Dinner?" the pastor rubbed his nose.

"Yes the one you promised Nick after escorting you to Strawberry," Jarrod reminded him.

"Oh that," Heath sighed, reliving the horrible trip to Strawberry. "Of course, of course. When did you say?"

"How about Wednesday next? Six thirty? I can wait while you check your calendar," the lawyer crossed his arms, cool and collected.

"Just give me a minute," Thomson went over to a small calendar and checked it. "Yes that will be fine given any unforeseen circumstances. You understand?"

"Of course. If something happens just send word, my family will understand. Good day."

"Good day Mister Barkley."

Heath again made the trek to the Barkley mansion. He couldn't understand why they were so insistent on seeing him. His posting was almost over and he hadn't stepped on their toes he hoped. Except for the exchanging of books the pastor had little to do with the Barkley's except to see Audra about Sunday school and Sunday services.

Knocking on the door, Silas opened it.

"Good evening Silas," Heath handed his hat to the man.

"Good evening Reverend the family's in the parlor."

"Thank you," the pastor took the short walk from the foyer into the parlor to find only Mrs. Barkley and the lawyer there. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

"Good evening, Mrs. Barkley, Mr. Barkley," he eyed them both a sense of déjà vu took over him.

"Good evening Reverend. We're glad you could make it," Jarrod smiled at him.

"Oh if you're looking for Nick, he's on a cattle buying trip, Audra's visiting friends in San Francisco and Eugene is off to school. You don't mind, do you?" Mrs. Barkley smiled sweetly.

"Of course not, Mrs. Barkley," Heath smiled back looking into the eyes of a cougar.

The dinner had been wonderful but he remained quiet, sensing there was something going on between Mrs. Barkley and her son. He had seen it once too often and was bracing himself for what was to come next.

Dinner finished, the matriarch called for dessert and coffee in the parlor. The pastor found himself sitting on one of the golden chairs near the foyer while the Barkley's sat on the couch facing him. The lawyer disappeared for a few minutes and brought with him his lawyer's bag. Heath suddenly felt dinner come up to his throat.

"Reverend, we'd like to discuss something with you," Jarrod looked at Heath.

Seeing the serious of their faces, Heath took a deep breath. "About what may I ask?"

"Your mother," Victoria said calmly.

Taking another deep breath he looked at the woman. "What about her? I was thankful your son escorted me to Strawberry I see no other reason to discuss it. I'm an orphan."

"Yes we know you were an orphan and raised at the Beloved Son orphanage and…"

"I never told you where I was raised," Heath kept his voice calm. "What do you want to know about my mother?"

Jarrod looked at him. "We know your mother wasn't married when she gave birth to you and…"

"So you know my mother was a harlot and I'm a bastard. There won't be a problem," Heath stood up and turned to leave.

"In heaven's name where are you going?" Victoria stood up.

"I've had this problem before. I will wire my superiors and a more suitable replacement will come." The blond stood calmly. "Not everyone believes in bastard pastors."

"Wait. Don't leave we… what if you mother wasn't a harlot, what if we knew who your father was," Victoria said her voice catching.

The pastor turned, "what about my father? I never cared to learn about my father. I should have never gone to Strawberry." His voice flat without emotion.

"No Heath, you going to Strawberry made all the difference in the world. What would you say if I told you your father was Tom Barkley?" The matriarch licked her lips.

"Tom Barkley?" Heath laughed hard, "hasn't this joke gone on long enough?" The seriousness of the faces of the Barkley's said otherwise.

"I went to the orphanage Heath," Jarrod said opening his bag and holding onto some letters and a diary. "Mr. Paddington was going to give these to you, before you went into seminary."

"Mr. Paddington died before I went. You've checked into my whole life?" Heath didn't know whether to yell or cry, "You've told your whole family. They know all about me."

"No Reverend only Mother and I know it was necessary." The lawyer pleaded.

"Necessary! NECESSARY! What I don't garner the same privileges. My life is not my own? How dare you! How dare you treat my life with such lightness. Thank you for the fine meal however the rest of the evening has a lot to be desired goodnight." Heath turned carefully counting his steps fearing he would run given half a chance, taking his hat of the foyer table he was almost to the door when the lawyer grabbed his arm.

"Heath please," Blue eyes met blue eyes.

"Please Mr. Barkley before I have to do something I'll regret." The lawyer released his arm and the blond found his horse and buggy waiting.

"Are you all right Senor?" the man gave him the reins.

He said nothing, jumping into the buggy he egged his horse on getting off of Barkley property as quickly as he could. Halfway to town he slowed his horse down. "LORD YOU ARE A MEAN AND CRUEL GOD," he shouted. "YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO ANSWER MY PRAYERS FOR WHAT? FOR SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE!"

The pastor was thankful for the light still on the telegraph office. He found his knees wobbly stepping out of the buggy. His hands shook as he wrote the message and handed it to the clerk.

"That'll be twenty five cents. Sorry you're feeling poorly reverend."

Heath nodded. "If you could send someone down to the parsonage once you get an answer I would be grateful."

"Yes Reverend."

Heath walked out of the office and to his buggy. He went to the livery giving it back to the owner. "How much do I owe you?"

"You paid me before you left Reverend. You okay?"

"Thank you," Heath turned and walked to the small house. Taking his key in his shaky hands it took him three tries to put the key in the lock. He opened and locked the door behind him setting the key on the table. Lighting a small lamp he turned to his Mother's bible only this time there was nothing there. All this time he had thought his Mother a harlot and himself a bastard. A bastard is why he never got adopted. He remembered the day as if it was yesterday.

 _A five year old Heath tried to look happy when some families came in looking to adopt a boy. He slicked down his unruly hair and smiled. A young couple came over and talked to him. They seemed interested and then headed to the Paddingtons. He saw them talk to him and then shake their heads and choose another boy. He tried hard not to cry and then went outside._

 _There he found Ricky, an older boy of twelve._

" _Why weren't you with the other boys?" Heath asked walking over to the boy._

 _Ricky stood a head taller and was just sitting on the fence. "Because boys like us don't get adopted Heath. Isn't worth parading ourselves out when we'll never get picked." He said beyond his years._

 _Heath looked into Ricky's brown eyes. "What do you mean boys like us?"_

" _Boys, us bastards Heath. Ain't no one told you yet. Yup, that's what we are." Ricky whistled._

 _He scratched his head. "What's a bastard? I don't understand. You'll see I'll get adopted."_

" _You don't know anything kid," Ricky punched him on the shoulder. "Bastards are children from a man and a woman who ain't married."_

" _Married?"_

" _Yes kid. Married. Why everyone knows your mother was harlot. Them type women don't marry men they just get biblical with them."_

" _My Mama wasn't a harlot," Heath pounded on Ricky who just laughed and then Heath felt the hot tears run down his face._

 _Ricky left the orphanage when he turned sixteen never to be heard from again. Heath was never adopted and chose to do God's work thinking to wash away the sins of his father like the good book said._

First he went to his bedroom and took out his suitcase; he threw a few things in and then felt very tired.

He went to his small couch and picked up his Mama's bible. The pastor tried to open it but couldn't. He clasped his hands together and sat them on the bible. Watching the sun come up he was frozen. A knock on the door made him jump. Setting the bible on the table he stood up and walked to the door. There was a louder banging, he headed towards it and then opened it. Mrs. Barkley stood there, not a hair out of place, just perfect. Not looking like someone who had ripped out his soul.

Going on automatic, he opened the door and invited her in. He retreated behind the couch, a mere ten feet away from him.

"Heath, you forgot these," she held out the letters and the diary.

"You can put them there," he said pointing to the table.

She walked over and placed near his bible and then he saw them, the books. The damn books he would have to return. _So you see brother. I'm not perfect I cuss when the situation warrants it._

"Heath I'm sorry about last night. It was necessary."

"Excuse me Mrs. Barkley if I'm to understand relationships isn't there a modicum of trust involved?" Heath said calmly but holding tightly to the back of the couch he listened to the woman.

"Yes of course there is. So if you come back to the house we can..."

"You broke that trust even before it got started Mrs. Barkley. You went behind my back and had your son investigate me. For what? To have pity on a poor bastard pastor! So he'd be willing to accept any crumbs you might throw at him," Heath said quietly.

"Heath it isn't like that," Victoria came closer and then turned to the open bedroom door. "You're leaving?" Her voice cracking.

"Under the present circumstances I don't believe I can stay. My replacement will be here in a day or two. Would you please leave? I have to get ready for an appointment."

"Heath, I know you don't believe this now. But there is a place for you anytime you want to come back." She stated, as if asking him to dinner again.

"Would you please leave?" Heath felt his anger rise; he had never hit a woman in his life but looking at this woman made his blood boil and wanting to hurt back.

Mrs. Barkley left and he was in an empty room, he went to his bedroom and put on a jacket. He ran a quick comb through his hair and left the parsonage. Heath couldn't recall who he was meeting just he had an appointment and he was late due to Mrs. Barkley's untimely call.

Once at the church he saw a nervous couple.

"Sorry I'm late," Heath apologized, "shall we?" He opened the door and went inside.

Mrs. Barkley wasn't a person who got rattled very easily. She was made of pioneer stock and could handle grizzlies and outlaws but she couldn't handle the transformation of the man she had seen twenty four hours before. Heath looked shaken and ill. His clothes were rumpled and his eyes bloodshot. She had seen the kind, gentle nature of this man turn into something bitter and angry all because of her. Victoria headed over to her son's office.

Walking through the outer office, she found Jarrod hunched over papers at his desk.

Jarrod wasn't really reading them; his mind had wandered to last night and a young hopeful pastor turn into a bitter young man before his eyes.

"Oh Jarrod!" Victoria hugged the lawyer as he stood up. "What have I done?"

"It's all right Mother, we knew we were playing with fire," the lawyer lamented.

"But he'll never see us again. He's leaving."

Jarrod stepped back from his Mother stunned. "Leaving? So quickly?"

Victoria nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"I'll talk to him Mother. Surely he'll listen to reason."

"OH Jarrod," she continued to hug him.

"Mother you're overwrought. I'll take you home, get some lunch and then I'll talk to Heath all right?"

She nodded and hung close to the lawyer as he grabbed his hat and coat.

"I'm taking my Mother home and having lunch I'll be back," both Jarrod and Victoria made their way out of the office.

Heath led the couple into the church and offered them a pew. He sat opposite of them and looked into their joyful and happy faces.

"I'm sorry I've forgotten your names," Heath tried a vague smile.

"Oh I'm Henry Wills and this is Jenny Garner." Both held their hands out and the pastor shook them.

"So what did you want to see me about?" _Like I didn't know, like it will never happen to me. If you're a bastard doesn't matter if you're a pastor no respectable woman would have you._

"We want to get married," Henry looked at him, "by you."

"By me?" Heath pointed to himself. "I'm afraid that will be impossible unless you want to do in the next twelve hours."

"Twelve hours?" Jenny looked teary-eyed. "Why for heaven's sake?" 

"I'm leaving another pastor will replace me. _Dear Lord I hope and pray I can't stand another day in Stockton. I've never asked for anything. Please God let me find a telegram waiting for me._

"But we like you Pastor. You're not like Reverend Stacy. You're organized, and on time. I figure the wedding would go off without a hitch," Wills smiled.

"I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. But I'm leaving for personal reasons. You understand?"

The couple nodded.

"I'm sure the new pastor can marry you. Or if you're willing to wait a few weeks your own Reverend Stacy."

The couple nodded again and then stood up. "Thank you for your time and honesty pastor. We'll think on it some."

"Your welcome. I'm sure you'll find someone to marry you." Heath watched them go, then locked up the church and headed to the parsonage. He opened the door and saw the telegram. Tearing it open he got his answer. A new pastor would be arriving at eight tomorrow morning; he could catch the next train out. Then he saw them, the books from the Barkley's. Pulling out his pocket watch he saw it was close to lunch time. Heath had no desire to run into the lawyer again. Grabbing the books, he headed out of the parsonage and straight to the lawyers office.

Opening the outer office he found Mr. Barkley's clerk there eating lunch at his desk.

"Excuse me," Heath cleared his throat.

The young man looked up. "Can I help you?"

The pastor marched over to the man and dumped the books in front of them. "Would you make sure you're employer receives these."

"Yes.."

Heath turned around quickly, getting out of the lawyer's office and the safety of his parsonage.

Once there, he sat down at the small desk and started making notes for the new pastor. As he wrote names and faces he knew so well disappeared like wisps of smoke. He wrote hastily trying to write it down quickly before any of it faded. There was a knock on the door. Standing up, he pulled his vest down and opened the door slightly.

"Reverend," Jarrod said brightly.

"What do you want?" Heath said coldly opening the door to look at the smug lawyer.

"You forgot these," the lawyer held out the books.

"I make no claim to anything Barkley MR. Barkley. I thought I made myself clear on that matter," the pastor crossed his arms, his blue eyes, cold and unreadable.

"Heath, please let me in so we can talk about last night. We had good intentions," the lawyer begged.

"I don't recall us ever being on a first name basis with you Mr. Barkley. Of course you have no respect for me so why should I think otherwise."

"Heath, Reverend I have a great deal of respect for you. Mother does too. We're sorry. Truly, truly sorry. Don't you understand?" Jarrod pleaded.

"Oh I understand completely. Reverend Stacy told me all about you Barkley's. Doing the right thing no matter who it hurts. Well you hurt me and you can live with it. I have things to do," Heath tried to shut the door.

"Please Reverend, take the books as a gift then," the lawyer started to hand the books to Heath.

"Good day, sir," the pastor slammed to door in the lawyer's face.

The clock struck midnight and Heath was half tempted to wait at the station. Sleep would not come to give him a few hours from the nightmare Stockton had become. He was confused finding anger and bitterness like an old friend. For so many years he had kept it at bay, looking on the other pastors he knew, knowing his own dark secret. It didn't matter now; God who had spoken to him so many times was gone now. An empty heart and soul were his companions now. He would go back to his room at the Bishops quarters and wait. To see if God would reclaim him or he would move on someplace else, where he had no idea.

He saw it was seven a.m. Standing up he adjusted his vest, collar and tie, he felt lightheaded but continued to move, checking his vest pocket for the key to the parsonage. The broken pastor took his suitcase, walked out, locked up and headed towards the train station. Once there he brought his ticket and paced the station for a familiar face.

At seven forty five the train pulled up and Heath waited for his replacement. The man did a double take looking at Heath and then walked to him.

"Pastor Thomson, is that you?" the man was surprised.

"I wish I could stay," Heath thrust the key at the man, "you can't miss the parsonage or the church. I wrote you a note of all the things going on. Just watch the Miller family they lost a child. Reverend Stacy will be back in a few weeks," he turned to go.

"Wait a minute," Pastor Wiggins grabbed Heath.

"What!? I'm catching a train." Heath tried to move.

"What in heaven's name happened to you? You look horrible. You're usually so perfect Heath. All I ever heard about you was you're the perfect pastor."

"I must go. I'm sorry. I'm ill. Good bye," his knees wobbly Heath headed towards his train.

The ride back to the seminary was disjointed. He was wearing his collar and people thrust food at him. It was a three day long train trip and he wasn't sure if he ate the offered food or not. Sleep didn't come. Prayer after prayer went unanswered, just like when he was a boy. In an instant he was lost and utterly confused. The anger he found was consuming, filling up his heart and soul. Was he angry at the Barkley's or at God? The silence from God was deafening.

Getting his suitcase from the rack, he walked to the seminary. At other times he resented his small room wishing for a parsonage to call his own, but now he welcomed the small, uncluttered room. Placing his suitcase and hat on the bed he made his way to the small chapel.

Clasping his hands in prayer, he prayed harder than he ever could. _Oh God why don't you answer! I've done everything you asked and now you desert me when I need you most. You are a fickle and hateful God. What did I do to deserve this? I tried to pay for my sins of being a bastard but I see now nothing I do pleases you._

Day turned into night, night into day. Heath didn't care wondering where God was, wondering what he would do with his life since he had no purpose anymore. _What's to become of me Lord? But you don't care. I'm nothing. Nothing but a product of sin!_

Again day turned into night, night into day. He felt a slight tug on his jacket and turned around. It was John.

"My God Heath," John gasped.

"Oh John. Oh John," Heath collapsed into his arms.

When Heath opened his eyes he looked around to clean, white sheets and bright sunlight. A friendly face looked over him.

"Ah my patient is awake. How are you feeling?" the doctor sat next to him and grabbed his wrist.

"Where am I?" Heath looked at the room.

"The infirmary Heath. You're a very sick young man."

The pastor tried to sit up only to be pushed down. "Now you don't young man we have to make you well and built up your strength. Drink this." The doctor gave him a glass of water.

Thomson drank it greedily and then fell back asleep.

When he woke again it was dark.

"Ah you're awake, hungry?" the doctor looked at him.

He nodded.

The doctor disappeared and brought a tray. "Here eat it slow. Do you recall the last time you ate?" He sat down next to Heath.

"It was on the train ride here. How long have I been out?" the pastor ate a tentative bit of dry toast.

"Two days. You know Heath I don't ever think you'd ever been here. Oh to visit patients but never yourself. You're always so healthy. You were saying."

"Yes it was on the train. I'm not sure what I ate. Wearing the collar people think you're poor as church mouse and always thrust food on you. I forgot I was wearing it, my collar. I usually don't wear it, my collar when traveling. I guess it biscuits, maybe a sandwich. I can't really say."

"And what about before that? I mean the train trip."

Heath closed his eyes and thought of the dinner at the Barkley's. Before he knew it he threw up on the white sheets and passed out.

For the next few days the pastor slipped in and out of conscious, his dreams filled with memories he would soon like to forget.

It was on the fourth day when he opened his eyes to see a friendly face. Shifting the pastor found John looking at him. John was his superior but also a close friend. Heath had made friends with him soon after he entered the seminary.

"Hello there." John took Heath's hand.

"Hello John," Heath blushed. "I'm so sorry leaving my posting that way. But I had to get away."

"Shh Heath. It's all right. I guess we forgot all about you," John patted his arm; his wrinkled brown eyes looked at him.

"Forgot about me? Why you're the best thing to happen to me." The blond protested.

"So tell me Heath how long have you been a pastor?" John looked into Heath's worried eyes.

"You know how long, six years."

"And what have you been doing for the last six years?"

"Why everything you asked of me. I never turned down a posting. I went where the Lord needed me. I never failed you until now." Heath bowed his head, playing with the quilt.

"Heath you got it all wrong. You've been working straight going from one posting to another. I can see where you're spent and…"

"Other pastors aren't. John, I relieved pastors who been at their congregations ten years before I even show up. It was no excuse, but…but I personal reasons." The pastor looked through the window on the other side of the building.

"Whatever the reason Heath, you need to rest and build back your strength. I didn't even you recognize you. Are you going to tell me what happened?" John stared at Heath.'

"I don't think I'm ready yet John. It's all so confusing. I thought I knew my place in the world and now I'm not so sure. For years I wanted some prayers answered only now they are," the pastor shook his head. "I just don't know any more."

"It's all right son. Just get better and well talk later." John stood up and patted Heath's arm. "You're in our prayers son and don't forget it."

Heath watched John leave and looked around the small hospital. He had never been here at all since he was here. He moved from the school next door straight into seminary. Being younger didn't help him so he strived to be perfect. He showed up on time to his classes his homework done; he would practice hours on his sermons and reading the bible. His clothes had to be perfect and hoped the Lord would approve. On holidays, he watched as all the other men left to spend time with family but he was stuck here alone, until he met John.

John had been getting close to retirement being an instructor. Heath found out John had no living relatives so they formed a bond. Heath looking to him as a father and John to a son, each relying on each other when needed. He had some rough patches going through seminary fighting with his own ghosts and demons. Now here is was stuck in the small hospital still with no hope. Feeling better God still had not answered any of his prayers to the mess he found himself in with the Barkley's.

Dinner was served; he ate then went back to a restless sleep.

Jarrod paced the train station looking for his sister. It had been a long terrible week with Heath leaving and then getting used to the new pastor. In his heart it was both his and Mother's doing forcing Heath to leave.

Preoccupied he didn't hear the train pull up or the slight tap on his shoulder.

"Jarrod? Jarrod?" Audra asked looking at the downcast face of her older brother.

"Audra, I'm sorry honey I didn't see you get in. Where are your bags?" The lawyer looked around the station for his sister large suitcase and numerous packages

"There right here, besides me Jarrod. Is something wrong?" she looked straight into his bewildered eyes.

"Nothing honey. Let's load up the buggy." Jarrod signaled for a porter and the buggy was loaded down. Once settled they headed towards home.

Halfway to the ranch Jarrod looked at his innocent sister. "Audra, Pastor Wiggins would like to meet with you regarding Sunday school."

"Pastor Wiggins? Where's Pastor Thomson?" She looked surprised.

"He had to leave honey. That's why Wiggins is here." _How will she react when I tell her he left because of us?_

"All right, but it makes it difficult. Is Mother all right she usually meets me at the station?" Audra took hold of his hand.

"Mother isn't feeling that well. She's been up in her room but I'm sure she will be fine once you and Nick our home. Nick's supposed to get home today and then we can have a nice family dinner. How does that sound?" Jarrod sounded hopeful although the thought of the dinner was heartbreaking.

"That sounds wonderful."

Dinner finished the family moved its way to the parlor. Nick was quiet and Audra kept on glancing at her Mother. Victoria had red rimmed eyes and looked pale.

"So who in the hell died?" Nick rambled over to the fireplace looking sternly at Jarrod and his mother.

"Please Nick," his mother begged, "can't you use a little less cussing."

"Fine I just want to know what happened. I been gone a week and both you and Jarrod look like you lost your best friend, and not only that we have a new pastor. So what is going on?" Nick stood tall.

"Will you please sit down?" Mother showed him a chair.

"Fine," the rancher grumbled, "as long as I get some answers."

Audra and Nick sat quietly while Mother and Jarrod told them of all the events that had transpired while they were gone. Audra started crying and Nick was furious.

"IF I was him I would'a punched you Jarrod. For the love of Pete you couldn't find a better way to tell him? All because I followed him to Strawberry? Where is he now?" Nick stood face to face with his older brother.

"We don't know Nick. God I wish we did. Mother wrote a letter to the Bishop." The lawyer explained.

"Now what in tarnation is a letter to the Bishop going to do?"

"I wrote him looking for Heath," Victoria started to cry; "he for one would know where Heath is. I enclosed a letter for Heath for him to forward. Maybe if he reads it he'll forgive us."

"Forgive US. FORGIVE US. If you'll excuse me I'm going to town and getting myself roaring drunk. Since we'll never hear from Heath and I'll never get to know my brother my bastard father forgot about," Nick pushed his way to the front door.

"Nick please," Jarrod grabbed his arm only to be met with a round house punch sending him flying into the parlor.

For two long agonizing weeks, Heath let other people take care of him. He was always the one taking care of the sick, the wounded and the broken hearted. Now it was his turn.

No matter who came in the pastor felt lost, drowning in self-pity and all consuming bitterness. Trying to find God again, all he found was a resounding wall of silence. He relived each painful day in the orphanage waiting and hoping to be adopted. Ricky's words came true as each interested couple found a more suitable child.

Getting up the nerve Heath asked Pastor Paddington why he wasn't getting adopted.

Paddington was working on something as everything seemed to break at the orphanage. Heath had turned seven and had seen as each time a couple came and left with another boy.

" _Pastor," Heath came over to the man._

" _Yes Heath," the pastor turned from his work and looked at him._

" _Can I ask you something?" the boy stuck his hands in his pockets._

" _Yes ask me anything," the harried man smiled._

" _Am I not getting a adopted because I'm a bastard?" Heath looked intently in the pastor's eyes._

" _Now where did you hear that?" the man stood up, annoyed at what he heard._

" _It's the truth isn't it?" Heath could tell. Adults always got angry at the truth._

" _Well it's not that bad Heath. In fact I have some good news for you. The church has decided to send a few deserving boys to a special boarding school and your one of them. Isn't that grand?"_

 _Heath nodded knowing the great opportunity he was given. At least God had answered that prayer._

John walked him out of the infirmary into the fresh air. Heath hadn't wanted to do anything until John said it was okay to get some fresh air. Once outside they hadn't gotten very far when the blond wanted to sit on a bench. In his pajamas, robe and slippers he felt the cool breeze and the whisper of trees. Had his whole life been a horrible mistake?

"Heath ready to tell me what happened?" John placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Yes. I guess I am. You know I'm an orphan. Everyone seemed to know my mother was a harlot and I had pretty much knew what my life was going to be until I went to Stockton," the blond stared at the waving trees. "Well the short story is I seem to be a Barkley. Tom Barkley was my father."

"The Tom Barkley? The Stockton Barkley's? Why Heath that means you have a family now. How can you not see that?" John beamed.

"Family? John I don't know anything about families. Sure I've counseled and consoled them but what am I supposed to do? Where were they twenty-five years ago when my Mama died? Where was the great Tom Barkley then? I don't belong there, living in the fancy mansion, getting to know my brothers and sisters. I have a life all ready. One that's devoted to God and there ain't no room for nothing else." Heath stated with finality.

"I think you're wrong there Heath. You need to give them a chance."

"Why? Because God decided to answer my prayers now and not when I was five years old and seeing all the other children being adopted because they came from a good family? No. I need to get back to work. That's all I need," Heath stood up. "I'd like to go inside now."

"All right Heath," John got up and helped Heath back to the infirmary.

Heath had just finished his lunch when he noticed a change of attitude in the infirmary, looking up he saw his Bishop coming towards him. Trying to make himself look presentable the man motioned him down and the blond tried to gain back some of his composure.

"Bishop it's an honor for you to see me," Heath tried to smile.

"No son the honor is mine. I've found out about all the postings you have gone to without complaint or pride. You have done the church a great service," the older graying gentleman patted Heath's hand.

"Thank you Bishop. I've always tried to do my best."

From inside his coat the Bishop pulled out a letter. "This is for you Heath." He handed the letter to him.

"What's this?" Heath held the letter in his hand feeling the heaviness and fine quality of the paper.

"This is a letter from your step-mother. She is very worried about you since you left in great haste from Stockton." The Bishop said with concern.

"My Step-Mother? I don't think she has the…."

"Heath isn't it within your soul to give forgiveness?" the older man's brown eyes rested on blue eyes.

"Yes, but this is…"

"I would think it would be in your best interest to write her and find love and kindness in your heart again and go live with the Barkley's since they seem to be a gift from God."

"Gift from God?" Heath sat the letter on his sheets. "Do you really think so Bishop? I mean I don't know them I've grown up…"

"I know your history Heath. But I think you would have a lot to offer the Barkley's and them you. I would suggest you write her and go from there. I believe the Barkley's are a most compassionate family and would welcome you with open arms," the man smiled and patted Heath's shoulder as he got up. "Please pray about it Heath. Let me know of your decision."

Heath found the lawyer waiting for him. He was glad he really didn't want the whole family to come to meet him. It was unnecessary. Taking his suitcase he walked over to him.

"Mr. Barkley," Heath offered his hand. "Glad you were here to meet me."

Jarrod reached for the pastor's suitcase. "Is this all you have? I thought you have a trunk?" He looked hopeful.

"I'm afraid not. This is all I need for now. Shall we?" the blond pointed towards the buggy.

"Yes," the lawyer walked toward the buggy and took Heath's suitcase and placed it in back.

Nothing was said until they were well out of town.

"You'll be happy to know all the family is here. Audra, Nick and Eugene..."

"Eugene, shouldn't he be in school?" Heath looked pointedly at the lawyer.

"Yes but this situation warrants…"

"Going to school should be the most important thing for Eugene now. He shouldn't make a fuss over me. In fact your whole family shouldn't. If I decide not to stay."

"Not stay, but reverend."

"Look Mr. Barkley this wasn't my idea. But don't worry if things don't work out I'll be staying with friends in San Francisco."

"I didn't realize when you wrote Mother."

"Like I said before Mr. Barkley. I'm here on a temporary basis in fact we need to get some things clear while I'm staying here. If that's all right?" Heath lost his bluster.

'I understand your position I mean. I think we can find some common ground," Jarrod looked at his brother.

"Thank you. I'll try not to be much trouble while I'm here." The pastor crossed his arms and was silent the rest of the drive back home.

Heath found nothing had changed since the three months he had left the ranch. Ciego was still there, all smiles, even though he felt his stomach churning. Smiling he took his suitcase from the lawyer and headed into the large mansion. Even before the door was fully opened all the Barkley's waited for him. Heath felt like the proverbial prodigal son.

Mrs. Barkley tried to hug him, Heath was thankful his suitcase prevented it, also Audra did too. He looked at the hopeful faces of them and tried to push his fears away.

"How was the trip?" Mrs. Barkley smiled. "Silas why don't you take the reverend's suitcase?"

Silas came over and reached for his suitcase. Leaning in the houseman whispered "It's all right reverend the Barkley's are good people. They don't want to hurt you no more."

Reluctantly Heath handed the bag over and followed the family into the parlor. Jarrod, Mrs. Barkley and Audra took the couch while Nick headed for the drink cart and Eugene took a seat in a gold chair. The pastor went to the fireplace took a deep breath and looked at them.

"I'm thankful for you letting me come back but I need to make some things clear. I don't want anyone in town know who I am. I'm not really ready to be known as a Barkley. You can just say I decided to take my vacation here seeing as you are good friends." He stated forcefully.

Nick stopped in his tracks and looked at Heath.

"I don't want you to go to any extra trouble for me either. Your brother told me about you leaving school," Heath looked at Eugene. "It wasn't necessary. School should be important for you. IT was for me. I don't want you missing anything because I'm here."

Eugene looked at his hands and then at him. "Why shouldn't I be home? It's not everyday you find out you have a new brother."

Heath stared at the young Barkley. "I'm not your brother yet. As I told Mr. Barkley this is to be a trial run. I have my own life, such as it is, to go back to. I'd only be staying here in between postings." He watched as faces fell.

"Well reverend you have your rules now some of mine," Nick grumbled.

"Nick please," Mother begged.

"No, if the reverend is a good friend he ain't about to call us Mr. Mrs. or Miss. WE have names. It's Jarrod, Audra, Nick and Eugene. Got it?" Nick looked at Heath.

"Yes Mr.…Nick. I get it. Wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea, right?" Heath gave a crooked smile.

"But what about Mother?" Audra took her Mother's hand.

"Well Heath you can call me Victoria," she smiled trying to make him comfortable.

Heath shifted. "It wouldn't be right to call you Victoria. I was raised with good manners and…"

"It's all right Heath. All my friends call me by for first name. Well try it out for awhile all right?" Victoria looked up to him.

"All right then. I'm glad we got things settled. Guess I should get settled in my room. Where is it…. Victoria?"

"Oh," the matriarch stood up, "I was going to let you pick out your own room. I want you to consider this your home."

"How many rooms are there?" Heath gulped.

"Oh about fifteen or so. There are many guests room. You can have your pick." She took his arm and guided him up the stairs.

They had wandered for a half hour before Heath found the room it was looking for. It was at the back of the house, small in comparison to the other rooms he had seen. There was a small fireplace, a large comfortable bed, armoire and drawers. He knew it was meant as servants quarters but compared to his small room at the Bishops it was huge. A small window looked over the back of the house.

"Are you sure you want this room Heath?" Victoria walked in with him.

"Yes it's perfect," the pastor put his suitcase on the bed.

"But it's so far away from the rest of the house; surely you would want to be closer…"

"I need a quiet room Victoria for prayer and mediation. I'm sure you'll understand," the blond half smiled.

"Of course," Victoria smiled. "Lunch will be in an hour and dinner is at 6:30. I'm sure you'd like to rest before."

"Yes I'm a bit tired from the train ride. I'll just make myself at home," Heath walked her to the door and then shut it behind the woman. He turned around and leaned his head against the wood. "I'm not about to be around your loud boisterous family ma'am. You make too much noise."

Looking at the room, he noticed the bright colored quilt and fine wood furniture. He hung up his two other pairs of pants, two vests, other jacket, and four shirts in the armoire. Taking out his under things he placed them in the top drawer of the drawer only filling it up partly. He was a simple man and had very little use for material things.

Closing his eyes he remembered birthdays and Christmas's at the orphanage. On Christmas you got a new set of clothes, shoes and a peppermint stick. On your birthday you got a bible and licorice.

Looking at his small calendar he realized his birthday was in a few weeks, but he knew he wouldn't tell the Barkley's, not yet anyway. Maybe not ever. Steeling himself he headed down for lunch.

Heath found the family just where he left them. However he could hear them from the hallway before reaching the stairs. Now he was glad he had chosen a room far away from the others.

Walking down the stairs he found the whole family staring at him.

"You're just in time for lunch," Victoria walked to him at the foot of the stairs. "Would you escort me to lunch?"

The pastor gave a weak smile and took her arm. Once at the dining room, everyone went to their normal seats, Heath ended up sitting next to Nick.

Silas served lunch and then disappeared. Conversation started up Nick talked to Jarrod, Eugene to Jarrod and Nick, with Audra and Victoria chiming in. Heath realized how much he missed the silence.

"So how are you enjoying it so far?" Nick looked at him a sly grin on his face.

The pastor put his fork down, "enjoying what?"

"Why your vacation? That's what," Nick snickered.

"Well I'm sorry this is my first time off in six years so I'm new to it," his blue eyes met confused hazel.

"Time off in six years," the rancher snorted, "so you're telling me all the time you went on those postings of yours you didn't have any time to sight see?"

"Nick," Mother cautioned.

"No, it's all right. So tell me Nick what do you think I do, as a reverend I mean?" Heath crossed his arms waiting for a response.

"Well now, you give sermons, and you did the Miller girl's funeral." Nick stated.

"That's what you think I do? Gosh Nick why I had plenty of time to sight see even in Chicago, between the births, the funerals, choir practices, epidemics, Sunday school for the children, cleaning the church when needed not to mention making sure the parsonages I stay in stay clean and fit for their owners. Why I have plenty of time, Nick." Heath said clenching his teeth.

"Heath," Jarrod said calmly. "I'm sure Nick didn't…"

"Just because the Lord saw fit for me to see my Mama's grave in Strawberry why I live a free and easy life." Heath stood up feeling like a fool for coming to the Barkley ranch.

"Heath," Victoria reached her hand for his.

"I'm sorry I guess the train ride took more out of me than I thought. I think I'll take a nap for awhile," the pastor turned on his heels and headed quickly to his room. Once there, he hung up his clothes, placing his shoes at the foot of the bed he opened the window a bit and climbed into bed with his union suit on.

"Nick how could you!" Audra was livid. "You have no idea how much work Heath did, do you? NO, you just go to church on Sunday and leave it at that."

"Now you wait one minute sis, I was trying to make conversation, why we was half way through lunch and that boy didn't say one word," Nick defended himself.

"Well brother Nick you just started out wonderfully with Heath. You have disappointed me." Jarrod shook his head.

"Well if you'll excuse me I got work to do. I'll see everyone at dinner," Nick stormed out of the dining room the front door slamming behind him as he left the house.

Victoria left the table and headed towards Heath room. Knocking softly and calling his name she walked in and found the room in semi darkness. Heath's face lay towards the window and she walked to him.

Hearing the skirts rustle the pastor closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He could smell the lavender and soap as he approached him.

"Heath. Heath," Victoria whispered. Getting no response she kneeled beside him. "I'm so sorry Heath this isn't the way I had your first day home to be," she kissed him on the forehead and stood up. She looked around the room, seeing very little personal effects except two books. Mother walked to the desk and looked at them; shaking her head she made her way out of the room and shut the door.

The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the tears from his eyes and fell asleep.

Dinner that evening had been tense. Heath watched as conversation swirled around him. It was going to be a very, long, long visit and he hoped it would end soon.

It had been a week at the Barkley ranch as Heath wandered the house alone. Most days found the family out and about. Nick and Eugene were on the range, Jarrod was in town and Victoria and Audra doing charity work. He had been unsure on exploring even though Victoria insisted it was his home. Some home a big huge mansion where he was a stranger. In the foyer the pastor had noted the closed double doors and opened them. Walking in he found a pool table. _A pool table. Of course why not._ He touched the green felt and noticed the rack with sticks and things it was then he noticed the large desk in the corner of the room.

Walking over he went behind and sat down on the large chair. Checking the drawers he found them all locked. _So much for making myself ta home._ Looking up he saw it, a large portrait of a man above the fireplace mantel. A picture so large it seemed to dominate the whole room. Getting up from the desk chair he walked toward the fireplace finding a couch and a few chairs. The pastor stood there entranced by the painting he didn't hear her come in.

"Heath."

"Victoria." The pastor couldn't turn around, unsure of what his reaction would be to her.

"That's a painting of your father, it was done a few years before the railroad killed him," Victoria stated.

"I'm sorry," Heath's head fell to his chest.

"Sorry for what?" Mother approached him.

"I don't know. I guess…"

"Mother," Audra came in only to be shushed by Victoria.

"Tom went back a few years after he told me about Leah. He told me she was dead and there was talk of a child…"

"Oh it was too late by then. I was long gone," the pastor sighed and closed his eyes.

"Really?" the matriarch quietly asked.

"Yes you see the good Reverend and Mrs. Paddington were making there way to their new orphanage and chanced upon Strawberry, and found me." Heath looked up at Tom's painting. "But along the way they tried to find me a home. But being the good, honest folk they told any prospective parents about my lack of parents. Even then, being a bastard, a babe in arms, no one wanted me. So I ended up in Nevada will all the other orphans."

"Nevada! But we didn't know if we had I known Tom and I would have tried to find you," her voice breaking.

"I don't live by 'if only's' Victoria. I'm twenty-five and my life has been my own." Heath said coldly.

Victoria watched as Nick, Eugene and Jarrod came in watching quietly as the drama unfolded.

"I don't want your pity. I had enough of that and then some. Oh I knew what I was at the tender age of five and I saw other being children adopted but me." The pastor took a deep breath.

"Heath." Victoria cried.

"Oh it wasn't so bad, but just once I hoped Paddington would lie," Heath felt his chest constrict. "But I knew he could never do it. He told me the truth why I wasn't being adopted even though all these families liked me. But God had a plan for me." The pastor turned around to see all the Barkley's standing there. Each of them looking shocked and he saw the pity in their eyes. "I didn't know I was going to have an audience, excuse me," he pushed his way through the children and made his way quickly to his room.

"Mother, I'm sorry," Nick looked at his stricken mother.

"I'll go," Jarrod volunteered.

"No, it was my fault I should have closed the door and given us more privacy. Just go to the parlor and I'll be down shortly."

"Yes, Mother," Audra and Eugene left leaving Nick and Jarrod.

"I never knew," Jarrod sighed, "the reports never said."

"It's all right Pappy. I think we could all use a drink," Nick patted Jarrod on the back and they headed towards the parlor.

Victoria stood in front of Heath's door and knocked. "May I come in?"

Heath came over, opened the door and went back to staring out the window.

"I'm sorry Heath. It was my fault I should have closed the doors," she licked her lips.

"Why couldn't you just leave me be?" Heath's voice broke. "I was happy."

"Were you really?" the matriarch came closer to the pastor.

"You have no right," the pastor turned anger in his deep, blue eyes. "You weren't there. You were never there, seeing me grow up. I was happy."

"I realize it's a lot to get used to and it will take some time," Victoria grabbed Heath's forearm.

"Get used to? That's an understatement. I go from being a poor orphan to being wealthy with a family something straight out of a storybook. Maybe if I had never gone to Strawberry," Heath turned around and faced the window, Victoria released his arm.

"No Heath when you first came. I knew you were family. You looked like Tom and his brother. Even if you hadn't gone to Strawberry I'm afraid I would have had Jarrod investigate you," Victoria again tried to get Heath's attention.

"So here I am," the pastor turned around. "You won't mind if I don't come down to dinner? I'm not hungry and I don't feel like seeing anyone."

"Heath you have to eat. Before you came I got a letter from the Bishop, he said you had been ill. Was it because of us?" She grabbed his hand.

"I don't know, maybe, I was just very tired and then finding out, how you….I'm still not all well. Another reason the Bishop sent me out here. To relax and get rested so I can go out again," Heath stared into Victoria's eyes.

"Then you meant about this…" Victoria bit her lip.

"I mean what I say and say what I mean. And you can't do anything about my life, you hear? It's ancient history. I have today and tomorrow, good Lord willing. Now if you don't mind I'd like to be alone," Heath escorted her to his bedroom door.

"I'm going to send Silas up with some food, please I want you to get better," she leaned forward to kiss him and he moved back.

"Fine. Like I said before I don't want any special treatment," he tried closing the door.

"I would do this for any of my children," Victoria turned and headed downstairs.

During the next week Heath kept to himself, staying in the library reading or out in the verandah getting the fresh air he was told to get. One night at dinner he noticed a change in the family.

"Well Heath, I figure you rested up enough now. Just so you know this is a working ranch," Nick looked at Heath.

"Meaning what Nick?" the pastor stopped eating and wondered what he wanted.

"Meaning me, Jarrod, Eugene, Audra and Mother work. That includes grooming horses, training horses and anything else that needs to be done at the ranch and that includes you," the rancher pointed his finger at him.

Victoria looked at Heath, "he is right Heath, and things don't get done by themselves. All the family works and works hard."

"So what are you saying brother? I'm a slacker. Just taking advantage of you?" Heath could feel his anger rise.

"What I'm saying is tomorrow you come down in your work clothes and we are going to put you to work," Nick said with finality.

"Well I'm afraid this is as comfortable as I get," the blond stood up turned around and sat down.

"You don't have any jeans?" Audra looked at him surprised.

"I haven't had jeans since I was a boy at the orphanage. Maybe it's time I leave since I ain't, aren't worth anything to you," Heath stood up and started to leave.

"Sit down Heath," Victoria ordered.

"But…" the pastor stood still.

"I said sit down; dinner isn't finished with nor is this conversation."

Heath could see the anger in the woman's eyes and complied and sat back down. He crossed his arms ready for whatever would happen next.

"As to you not having proper clothes that can be fixed. We'll ride into town tomorrow and get your outfitted properly. I believe I know what clothes you need and then you can start to help around the ranch and get to know us better."

"And then what? I take orders from Nick or you? I do need to know the pecking order and where I fit in," Heath could hear his teachers again.

"Nick runs the ranch, all of the ranch; you'll be taking orders from him. I know you're not afraid of hard work since you do so much as a reverend. This will be different." Victoria cautioned.

"Yeah real different. Let me take a look at them lily white hands of yours," Nick grabbed quickly at Heath's hands and pulled them away from his chest. The rancher stopped as he saw the callused and nails bitten to the quick.

Heath withdrew them quickly and blushed. "What you think I did nothing but read and write sermons? You don't think I know what hard work is? How about scrubbing floors and doing laundry. I had to earn my keep somehow at the school I was in. NO free rides for orphans. If you'll excuse me," the pastor stood up and walked quickly from the room. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes but brushed them away.

Heath found himself on the verandah and smelled the lavender.

"Heath," she said forcefully. "That type of behavior will not be tolerated any further."

"Fine, I'll leave in the morning. I'm not some five year old you can boss around," the pastor tried to walk past her.

"Aren't you? You've been acting like one ever since you got here," Victoria said quietly.

Heath stopped in his tracks, frustrated. "I'm sorry. It's just… you all get along so well together. I'm always the outsider looking in."

"You don't have to be Heath. If you give us a chance. Please come back inside everyone's in the parlor," she took his arm and guided him back in.

Heath saw Jarrod and Eugene playing chess and Nick and Audra playing checkers.

"Up for a game?" Audra looked up at him.

"No, not tonight. I just want to apologize. It's just I'm not good with animals," Heath shrugged.

"Not good with animals I find that hard to believe," Jarrod winked. "You rode a buggy here."

"Hired. Believe me animals don't like me. Why at the orphanage we had some chickens, pigs and horses," the pastor found a seat at the couch.

"So?" Nick looked up from his game.

"Well I swear the chickens had in for me…."

"The reverend swears?!" Nick smiled.

"Yes, I swear on occasion Nick. So I go get eggs and all the chickens attack me, the pigs. Why nine times out of ten I was dirtier then the pigs when I left slopping them. But the horses were the worst, didn't matter if I gave them sugar, carrots or apples. Why they always bite or kick at me," Heath looked down at his hands and then at the Barkley's waiting for the laugher to start.

"What about cats and dogs?" his sister asked.

"Oh they don't like me either. Any parsonage I ended up. I had to shut my bedroom door otherwise I might just have to change my linens. Dogs too. Why I had to build a few fences so the dogs could stay outside. So go ahead. Laugh at me." The blond looked at his quiet Barkley's.

"Why would we laugh?" Eugene looked at Heath. "WE can fix it can't we."

"Of course we can Eugene. I believe Nick can teach Heath to ride," the matriarch smiled at Nick.

"Him?" Heath pointed his thumb at Nick. "Him? You can't be serious."

"Yes I am. He taught Audra and Eugene to ride."

"Yes Heath he did. Oh my brother Nick maybe loud," Audra giggled, "but he's very gentle with horses. Aren't you Nick?"

"Ya real gentle. So Mother and Audra will get you fixed up and the day after tomorrow I be teaching you how to ride, boy," Nick laughed.

The next morning found Heath riding in the buggy with Audra and Victoria. One female was enough in his mind, but once he looked at Victoria's steely eyes he had lost.

Once in town, Victoria and Audra went to work finding appropriate ranch clothing. Heath felt like he was playing cowboys and Indians but kept his mouth shut. Changing from his trousers into jeans, felt strange and the relaxed, shirts were handed in and then the pastor came out to look at himself.

"Oh my," Audra sighed. "I do believe Heath is going to have many more admirers."

The blond turned around and blushed. "Audra, then pick out something else for me. It's unseemly me being a reverend and all."

"It's fine Heath. Henry, give me a dozen pair, the same size, different colors and same for the shirts. He'll also need a couple of belts and boots."

"What's your shoe size Reverend?" Henry scratched his head trying to figure out why the Barkley's had made friends with the pastor in such a short time.

Heath gave him his shoe size and slipped off his shoes. Boots were thrust at him; he found a seat, sat down and pulled the boots on. Walking around the shop, he still felt like he was playing dress up.

"You're missing one thing," his sister went over to the hats and found a tan Stetson. She walked over to Heath with a big grin on her face and put it on his head.

"I have a hat all ready Audra. I don't need another one," Heath tried to remove.

"Oh no you don't," Victoria looked at him. "Cowboy hats are different and have many purposes your other hat will do for special occasions. Henry give me three more of those hats. Well pick these up after lunch."

"Yes Mrs. Barkley. If you don't mind me saying so you sure are being nice to the good reverend. Almost like he was family," Henry looked at them together.

"Yes Henry. We will be back in an hour or so. Shall we have lunch at Cattleman's?" Victoria took her children's arms and headed out the door.

"Wait a minute, maybe I should change back into," the pastor looked at his neatly folded and stacked clothing.

"No, I'm afraid not, from now on these will be your clothes. Right Audra?"

"Yes Mother," Audra grinned from ear to ear.

"Still feels funny, like I'm playing dress up or something," Heath shifted in his clothing.

"Oh you'll thank me later Heath. Much later", Mother smiled as they made their way to a long lunch.

Coming down the next morning Heath was still trying to be comfortable in his new clothes. He found the family eating breakfast and helped himself to the sideboard.

"Well now, you're beginning to look like a rancher," Nick grinned as he watched Heath sit down at the table.

"Don't know about that Nick still feels like I'm playing dress up," sitting down he tried to get himself comfortable.

"Well Heath, looks like you have ants in your pants," the lawyer smiled at him.

"Not used to these jeans. I guess when I was a kid I appreciated them with all the chores I had to do but now," Heath shrugged and started eating.

"It will take awhile," Eugene looked up at him, "new clothes always feel funny until they get washed a few times." He went back to his plate.

"It's been a long time since I had any new clothes," the pastor half smiled and went back to his plate.

"Yes I saw that you did. Next time I go into town I'll have to get you new socks. I must say who ever darned them is pretty good," Victoria patted Heath's hand.

"That be me. I do most of my own mending, except my shirts. Like I said before I don't cook much. But I make do with what I have." Heath stated.

Once breakfast was done, Nick led Heath into the stable and re-introduced him to Ciego.

"Ciego, the good reverend is going to learn to ride," Nick went over to the vaquero.

"Si Senor Nick. I saw how Mrs. Barkley brought him the proper clothes. You pick out a horse?" Ciego smiled broadly at Heath, making him more uncomfortable.

"Yes Ciego, you let Heath watch you as you saddle him. Then you both meet me outside," the rancher went to a stall and pulled out a horse. He handed the reins to Ciego and then left, laughing.

"Something funny with Nick?" Heath watched as the rancher left.

"No, Senor Nick he don't think I work at all. So let me show you, senor." The vaquero got the saddle blanket, saddle and other tack.

The pastor watched carefully but found all the reins and other tack confusing.

"You got that senor?" Ciego handed the reins to Heath.

"Sure. Sure I got everything, lets go," Heath jerked on the horses reins and headed out for the stable.

They found Nick leaning on one of the corrals. Heath and Ciego walked over.

"All right Ciego, you can go about you business. It's going to be just me and Heath."

"Si senor Nick," the vaquero walked away.

"So how are you liking it so far?" Nick watched as Heath held tightly on the reins.

"Just fine for my first lesson," the blond smiled.

"Boy we ain't even got started. Now horses like all animals knows when we're scared of em. I figure those animals at the orphanage reckoned you to be one scared boy and took advantage of it. Well I aim to cure you of that first before we start the real learning."

"Scared? I'm not scared of anything Nick."

Nick nodded, "all right then. For your first lesson you're going to stay on this horse all day and get to know him."

"All day," Heath gulped, "what no riding?" He could feel the sweat pouring down his back.

"NO, that comes later," Nick grabbed the reins and tied them to the corral. "All right boy climb on. You know how to do that don't ya?"

"Of course," Heath cautiously climbed on the horse as he had seen other riders do.

"So how does it feel?" Nick came over and patted the horse's rump.

"Just about wearing these new clothes. What else you expect?" the blond shifted in the saddle, feeling the hard leather dig into his own rump.

"Well now I got work to do and seeing if you're going work with me you best get settled of being in that saddle ten to twelve hours a day. I'll see you at supper." Nick walked over to his horse, mounted and rode away.

Heath sat there, his mouth open as he watched the rancher ride away.

The pastor had no idea how long he had been sitting on the saddle only he knew he was his backside was becoming numb. Looking around the ranch he saw a familiar figure approach.

"Morning," Audra smiled.

"Morning," Heath took off his hat and then put it back on.

"You know Nick was only joking about leaving you here all day," his sister smiled, "he would fire any man who did something like that."

"Oh, well like I said I ain't much on livestock. So can I get down now," Heath started to move his leg over.

"NO," Audra untied the reins of the horse and led him around the corral. "Now when a horse needs to do his business you need to stand in the saddle."

"Stand. In my stirrups? You can't be serious," Heath smiled at her.

"Dead serious. You depend on your horse out here and you treat a horse with respect." Audra crossed her arms.

"Yes ma'am. How am I to know a horse has to do 'his business' seeing as I'm green and all." The pastor could feel his anger rise at the smugness of this woman, just like her mother.

"Oh you'll know. Before long you'll know every movement and mood of your horse."

"Well seeing as sitting on a horse for long periods isn't good I'll…"

"Stand up on your stirrups please."

"What? Oh," Heath stood up on his saddle only to feel more pain coursing through his legs. Audra nodded and he sat down. "Now what?"

Audra tied the reins to a nearby tree, "wait for me here."

"Where else would I go?" Heath watched as another member of the Barkley family deserted him.

His sister wasn't gone for long, when she rode up all smiles, untying the reins from the tree, she directed him to take his lead rein and clucked her horse to go.

"Wait a minute where are we going?" The blond felt his control being lost.

"We're going to Spring Meadow for a picnic. I'm teaching you to ride since Nick is so busy. Nick will teach you how to ride on the range. Ready?"

Heath shrugged, "as ready as I'll ever be."

They took a long circuitous route to Spring Meadow. Heath felt every bump, dip and rough road. Shifting in his saddle he watched as the young woman in front of him rode effortlessly.

 _What do you expect boy. She was raised in the saddle like all the Barkley's. You're just some city slicker afraid of horses and family._ Holding tightly to the reins, he tried to look at some of the scenery.

"So tell me Audra did I hear right that the Barkley ranch is some thirty thousand acres?"

Audra turned around. "Yes it's true. Not to mention all our other holdings."

"Other holdings?" the man gulped. "What other holdings?"

His sister turned around again. "WE can talk at lunch Heath. Just pay attention to your horse now. He will save you life someday."

"Fine, we'll talk at lunch." He rode in silence until he felt something brush his back and noticed his horse's tail had gone up, but continued walking. _Fertilizer. Barkley's waste good fertilizer._

They stopped in a green and fertile meadow. A cool breeze was blowing and the sky was a perfect shade of blue, not that Heath noticed. He stayed in the saddle until Audra told him he could get off.

Pulled out of her saddlebags, Audra sat down a blanket and pulled food out. Heath was in pain to notice the pain.

"Sit," Audra demanded.

Doing as he was told, he sat crossed legged and his sister gave him a napkin. Putting it on his lap, the blonde pulled out chicken, biscuits and apples. She piled a few pieces of chicken and a few biscuits leaving the apples in the middle of the blanket.

"Eat." She started eating her own pieces of chicken.

"You always this bossy?" Heath looked at the young woman.

"I take after Mother or haven't noticed. Besides growing up with three brothers you have to let yourself be known."

"Yes you do take after your mother. She's one tough woman. Pioneer stock and all that from what I've heard," the pastor took a few bites of biscuits.

"Oh, what have you hear?" Audra sat down her lunch, looking into Heath's eyes. A mixture of curiosity and mirth in her blue eyes.

"Well I've heard of the Barkley's ever since I can remember. Tom Barkley and his ranch and Stockton and a benefactor," Heath put down his food and stared out into the distance. "Seems good old Tom Barkley created a fund for all us poor orphans. That's why I was able to go to school, with all the other money he had his friends contribute." He suddenly found the biscuits dry as sawdust.

"I didn't know. You see Jarrod he handles all the legal affairs of the family holdings. We all have a vote and…"

"You were saying other holdings, what holdings?" Heath took one of the apples and took a bite.

"Let's see. There's timber, mining, not to mention the vineyards, orchards beside the ranch. I'm sure there are others but nothing we have to worry about. We, meaning the whole family, gets an allowance along with additional pay. Like Nick since he runs the ranch he gets some extra money and Jarrod, well he keeps all his legal fees." Audra smiled looking at Heath.

"Thanks for setting me straight again," he stood up stretching his now tight legs. "We done with our picnic?" The sun seemed to have gone down a bit since their talk.

"Yes let me clean up and then we can head back home," Audra reached down only to bump heads with Heath as he tried to clean up.

"I'm sorry," both said to each other.

"Least I could do. I mean I'm used to cleaning up." Heath cracked a little smile.

"No, you get back on your horse it won't me long. Two shakes of a lamb's tell."

"Thought that would be blasphemous in cattle country," Heath chuckled climbing back on his horse.

"Only if my brother Nick hears it. Now go on." Audra giggled and did clean up quickly. The ride back to the ranch was quiet as each was lost in their own thoughts.

Dinner was quiet for Heath as he found muscles in his body he never knew existed. Jarrod, Nick, Eugene and Audra talked about his first riding lesson like he wasn't even there. Shrugging inwardly he knew it would happen, he could see how much they loved and cared for each other.

"Well I'm going back to school," Eugene announced as dessert was served.

"Good," Jarrod sighed.

"Yes Pappy seeing as Heath's in good hands. I'm going back Friday if you'll be kind enough to give me a ride into town?" The young man looked to Jarrod.

"My pleasure. In that case a game of pool is in order. Care to join us Heath?" The lawyer stood up and looked at Heath.

"You all go ahead. I'm still learning from my lesson," the pastor watched as the family headed towards the gun room, leaving him alone in the dining room.

Silas came out and started to bus the table. Heath stood up and helped him.

"You don't have to do that mister Heath. It's my job," Silas gently pushed the man's hands away.

"Well a long time ago it used to be mine too. At the boarding school and at the seminary. I had to earn my keep. My benefactors didn't pay for everything," Heath sighed and felt a twinge in his back.

"You okay Mister Heath? You don't look to good."

"Just my first riding lesson. Maybe you're right a good night's sleep will do me good. Good night Silas," the blond limped to his room.

The rest of the week went smoothly with Audra taking him for longer and longer rides along with showing him a lot of the ranch. With the Barkley ranch being 47 miles it was hard just for a day ride. His muscles got used to the hard saddle and his shoulder blades got used to tugging on the reins. Their schedule was changed on the day Eugene left back to go to Berkley.

The night before Silas had made all of Eugene's favorites and it seemed to Heath it was a makeshift party. Afterwards the family again retired to the gun room while the pastor made his way up to his room for some much needed rest.

Shafts of sunlight woke Heath up and he slowly made his way out of bed, changing into his ranch clothes and headed downstairs. The family wasn't up and he took a turn of rooms and to the verandah. Hearing the rest of the family he made his way into breakfast.

Breakfast was loud and boisterous as the siblings teased Eugene terribly. Heath was envious knowing he would never have the courage to attempt it. Once done, the family made its way to the foyer for their goodbyes. The pastor stood at the doorway of the parlor as the family sat goodbye.

Victoria hugged and cried as she said her goodbye. Audra did the same. Heath watched as big, loud Nick gave Eugene a bear hug and scratched the top of his head.

"Now don't do anything I wouldn't do Eugene," Nick chuckled.

"Come on Eugene we don't want to be late for your train," Jarrod looked at Heath.

Slowly Heath made his way to his youngest brother and offered a hand. Eugene returned the favor.

"Good luck Eugene. Hope you didn't miss much on account of me." Heath grinned.

"No, it will be all right. Besides I'll be home for holidays and summer if I don't find an intern position. I'll be sure to write," Eugene shook his hand hard. "Just do what Nick and Audra tell you and you won't have any problems."

"All right. Good bye."

Heath walked out to the verandah with the rest of the family as they waved goodbye. He watched as Nick headed out to the range and Audra went inside.

"You know Heath," Victoria came over and touched his arm. "I meant what I said about becoming a member of this family. Everything you want is here. That is if you want it."

The pastor continued to stare out to the stable. "Like I said before… Victoria…I'm visiting for the time being. Believe me you'll be the first to know if things change. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to get ready for my riding lesson." Heath headed out to the stable, Audra followed shortly.

For the next five hours it seemed, the blond heard nothing from Audra except growing up with Eugene, Nick and Jarrod. Stories from Christmas, Thanksgiving, school and ranch stories, he could feel a headache coming on.

"So what about you?" Audra stopped her horse and looked to Heath.

"What about what?" Heath adjusted his hat on his head, devoting his attention to the talkative woman.

"Growing up, I mean," she smiled sweetly.

"Growing up in an orphanage? Or in the boarding school or in the seminary? Let's see, how about sharing a dormitory with ten other boys, that was the orphanage, when I got to boarding school it was with four other boys, who went home for holidays and summer where I stayed and improved my lot in life being an orphan and all. At seminary I only shared my room with one other man, who had family too. So again I studied hard much to the chagrin of my fellow classmates who I know didn't like me very much. You see Audra I was a very studious little boy since I didn't have the other distractions other boys's had. Like brothers, sisters and parents," Heath stopped as Audra looked stunned.

"I….I…didn't know. Heath..."

"Don't say you're sorry Audra. I heard it enough to last a lifetime. Is our riding lesson done? I think I can ride back by myself now if you don't mind," the blond turned his horse around and headed back to the ranch. Once there he gave his horse to Ciego and made himself scarce.

Heath was reading his bible on his bed when there was a knock on his bedroom door. He looked up from his bible and then went back to reading.

The knock was louder and insistent the next time, he marked his place, sat the bible on the bed, and then went to answer the door.

A very concerned Victoria awaited him. He ushered her in.

"I told you that behavior will no longer be tolerated," Victoria stated coldly

The pastor opened his mouth.

"And you can forget about leaving. I received a letter from the bishop." She crossed her arms.

"Heath you have to understand you hurt Audra deeply..."

"What about my feeling or don't they count? Or is everything I heard about the Barkley's just rumors," he answered coldly.

"If you'll let me finish, we have sheltered Audra while growing up. She hasn't seen a lot of the world, unlike you. She does care for you, if you wouldn't judge her so harshly," Victoria touched Heath's arm.

"So?" Heath glared at her.

"So I would like you to go an apologize to her. Make her understand how life was growing up. You might be surprised. Your sister is a very loving and kind person," she smiled.

"Fine I'll apologize," Heath headed out the open door.

"Heath," Victoria stopped him, "I know you've been hurt before but please give us a chance."

The pastor released her arm and went downstairs to find Audra in the parlor. By her red eyes and face he could see she had been crying.

"Audra," Heath knelt beside her.

"Heath?" Audra turned to him with a hint of a smile.

"I'm sorry about today. It's just I really don't want to talk about my childhood. It isn't any reflection on you, really."

"Oh, Heath," Audra touched his arm, "how else am I going to get to know you except how you grew up," she wiped an errant tear from her eyes.

Heath reached over and wiped away a few more tears. "I'm sorry it's just I'm out of practice being a friend," he half smiled and sat across her.

"It's all right you're allowed. I do have a favor to ask though."

"Name it!" Heath smiled hoping to make amends with the young woman.

"Every week I go to the orphanage…"

The pastor mouthed orphanage.

"But since I've been riding with you I thought next week we might ride over together in the wagon," she held his hands.

The blond looked over into the unlit fireplace, dreading the word orphanage. Every posting he ever had he refused to step foot in one. Choosing to busy himself with other pressing matters of the congregation and tried to ignore the existence in the town he was in.

"Sure Audra anything you say," Heath gave her a tight smile.

"Besides in a few weeks I'll hardly see you," Audra giggled.

"Now why is that?" Heath scratched his head, thinking he'd be off to see all the Barkley holdings.

"Because you'll be ready in a few weeks to ride the range with Nick that's why silly," she smiled, "isn't that grand?"

"Yes, just grand. Riding the big Barkley ranch with loud Nick. Just fine and dandy," the pastor put his hand on his chin and went back to staring at the fireplace.

"Tell me Heath," Audra looked at her sullen brother, "did you have any friends growing up?"

Heath looked at her, surprised. "A few but they got adopted away and I never saw them again. Seems it always happen," he sighed and saw the sad look on Audra's face. "But I did make some friends in seminary."

"Like the ones in Frisco?" Audra's face lit up.

"Yeah and went to a few of their weddings even godfather to a few of their children." Heath brightened up.

"That's nice. What else?" she seemed truly interested.

"Why I even went to their house for the holidays, with their families I mean," the pastor reflected. _Tell I stopped going because I felt like the poor country cousin. Just don't like holidays_

"Well the Barkley's do the holidays up well. There are parties and dances and then we visited everyone. Why Nick, Jarrod and Eugene make a big to do about getting the Christmas tree. I believe it's a Christmas tradition along with all the stories and bruises they get getting the tree."

"Nice, real nice."

"Mother I'm home," Jarrod came in the parlor to find his Heath and Audra talking. "Good evening lovely lady," he kissed the top of her forehead. "Now how did you manage that? Usually Heath's up in his room until dinner."

"Oh I just did a little talking to him. Did Eugene get off all right?" Victoria kissed her eldest on the cheek.

"Yes Mother with strict orders to write home immediately," the lawyer laughed.

"MOTHER! MOTHER!" The door slammed bringing home Nick.

"Nick will you please I'm right here," the silver haired lady walked over to her loud boisterous son.

"Oh, I'm sorry just," Nick looked into the parlor and stopped talking. He pointed to Heath and Audra and looked at Jarrod. The lawyer shook his head and pointed to Mother.

"Always knew you to be a miracle worker Mother," the rancher gave her a big hug.

"There you are Nick," Audra stood up, walked over and hugged her brother. "You're going to have a new man in a couple of weeks."

"How's that since I do the hiring and firing around here," Nick winked at her.

"Why Heath, of course. I think he'll be ready to tackle the range with your help," Audra hugged her brother around the waist.

"Uh huh, if you say so Audra," Nick released his sister and walked over to Heath.

"Well boy I put you through the mill boy. I know you're a shave tail but I'm going to change all that. My men will attest to it. Oh I may make you mad, angrier than a hornet's nest but you'll thank me later," Nick slapped Heath so hard on the back he coughed and his shoulder's blades hurt.

"Time for dinner Mrs. Barkley," Silas came in.

 _Thank the Lord,_ Heath got up very slowly and followed the family into dinner.

The man's shoulder's sagged.

The ride to the orphanage was quiet for awhile.

"I started going to the orphanage in the last couple of years. It seemed the children had so little and the Padre was trying to do much," Audra smiled as she talked.

Heath kept his eyes on the road and let her continue.

"At first I didn't know if the children would like me, seeing as they had been through so much. I mean I had only lost my Father where they had lost their whole family sometimes. I don't know where or how the Padre finds them but he does and he brings them back to the orphanage. Right now I'm trying to raise money for a school and larger dormitories," his sister turned to Heath, "what do you think."

"I'm glad you're doing something for them Audra. Why the Reverend Paddington would go all over the state raising money for us. Oh, they'd be happy to donate but wouldn't set foot in ours. Seems we were too wild and untamed for their tastes, so they used money to ease their guilt," Heath sighed.

"Oh, well the Padre seems to be blessed with talking to them. They just seem to take to him right away," Blue eyes met blue eyes.

"I imagine they would seeing as their whole world has just been wiped out." He continued to stare out at the road and then he saw it. It was a mission of sorts. "Well looks like we're here." Heath stopped the horses.

The pastor climbed down from the wagon and then helped his sister down, before long the Padre showed up.

"Ah Audra, it is good to see you. Silas did what he could. He told me what you are doing. So this is Reverend Thomson," the Padre offered his hand.

"In the flesh," Heath looked at the man staring intently in his eyes to see if it was true. "Audra's told me all about you Padre. Doing God's work and all."

"Ah, well praise be to God I'm able to do what I can for the children. I see you have brought a lot. Let me get the older boys to help and Audra can show you around," the man smiled and Heath relaxed.

"Sure if you don't need my help." Heath followed Audra into the orphanage. As he walked in he saw four older boys start taking out the supplies from the wagon bed.

"Heath, this way," Audra motioned him in.

Heath left his hat on the wagon and followed her into the orphanage. It was just as he remembered it. There was an area for the boys and girls.

"Hello Miss Audra," a brown eyed girl of about seven walked up to her.

"Hello Angela. I brought a visitor. This is my….friend Heath."

The pastor went down on his knees. "Nice to meet you Angela," Heath shook her hand.

Angela curtsied. "I don't think I've ever seen you around."

"Oh, he's just visiting us Angela."

"That's too bad. He looks like a real nice friend," Angela blushed.

"Oh he is. He's just a hard to get to know. Go on Heath I'll take it from here." Audra grabbed a hold of Angela's hand.

Heath wandered through the orphanage finding the kitchen, dining hall and ending up in the chapel. He went to the front pew and sat down staring at the crucifix at the altar. Since staying with the Barkley's he hadn't gone to church feeling uncomfortable since Reverend Stacy had returned.

He was deep in thought when he heard a noise and saw the Padre.

"Heath, yes I know you weren't you here a couple of months ago. Reverend Thomson?" the man approached him.

"Yes I was here a couple of months ago. All your children had families before they came here didn't they?" the pastor stood.

"Why yes? How did you know that?" the padre had a puzzled look on his face.

"Oh you'd be surprised what I know. Like how many brothers and sisters you have here among other things. You really should let them play together more, don't know when they'll be separated in case someone wants to adopt them."

"Oh no, Reverend that will never happen. I have a rule only families can be adopted," the padre got angry.

"I didn't mean anything by it Padre. Just I've seen children torn apart when one was adopted and another wasn't," the blond sighed.

"Ah yes Reverend, I sent several notes to you while you were here. You see me, Reverend Stacy, Father Paul and Pastor Davis we have a committee of sorts. When ever there's a disaster we band together. I believe I invited you to several meetings," the priest crossed his arms.

Heath stood up. "I was busy with Stacy's congregation and didn't have time for extra things. I'm sorry."

"But I thought you took over the Reverend's duties while he was gone," the padre stood in front of Heath.

"As you recall my plate was very full. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to check on the horses," Heath walked around the Padre and headed outside feeling the walls closing in on him.

The pastor waited at the wagon until Audra said her goodbyes. He helped her in and then got in. Silence filled the air between them as they rode back.

"So what did you think?" Audra said seriously.

"About what? It's just another orphanage Audra. There will always be orphans you just happen to be one of the few people who care. Lucky the Padre does to, no telling where those children would end up," Heath clucked the horses.

"So will you help me?" Audra wrapped her arm around his.

"Help you what? As I recall I'm not staying that long and…"

"But I thought you were you seemed to more at home here and …"

Heath stopped the wagon and turned to his sister, "Audra I know what you're trying to do and you Barkley's aren't the least bit subtle. Why you're all shoving me being a Barkley down my throat. You all seem to forget I had a life before I came here. Sure I'll ride horses and the range with Nick but as to being a Barkley it will be on my terms, not yours." The blond clucked the horses and the wagon headed for home.

"Heath, it's just you seem to fit in so well. Like you're a missing piece, every since Father died something has been missing and I think it was you. I think that's why God brought you here. Don't you?" Audra grabbed his arm tighter.

"I don't know yet Audra. Believe me you'll be the first to know," Heath sighed.

At dinner before Heath was to work the ranch with Nick, he could tell everyone was excited for him.

"So Nick you said I had to get up early. How early?" Heath looked at the smug rancher.

"Why boy since this is a working ranch we're out on the range by six a.m. Why does it scare you?" Nick smiled.

"No Nick I'm used to getting up early. So if you'll excuse me I'll see you in the morning. Bright and early!" Heath rose from the dinner table.

"Well don't that beat all? We'll see how he is tomorrow," Nick laughed, "I believe that boy is going to get a taste of real work.

Heath was well up before Nick and enjoyed a cup of coffee and biscuits with Silas in the kitchen. There was no mistaken Nick, his spurs jangling and the walk of an elephant. The blond made his way to the foyer.

"So what took you so long Nick? I feel like I been waiting hours for you to wake up. Aren't we burning daylight?" Heath threw his hat on and his saddlebags on his shoulder.

"But. But. I just tapped on your door," Nick looked up the stairs.

"Like I said Nick I'm used to hard work, considering all the chores I had to get done before going to school. What's your excuse," Heath turned and headed out of the house and to the stable. He chuckled as he had actually stunned the blowhard silent.

Making his way into the stables he saw Ciego.

"Buenos días, Ciego," Heath tapped the man on the shoulder.

"Buenos dias, Senor Heath," the man smiled back.

There Heath saw his horse and tried as hard as he could to saddle his horse.

Ciego wandered over looking at him.

"Me parece que no pueden fijar estos dang pan comido. ¿Me puedes ayudar?

(I just can't seem to fix this dang cinch.) Can you help me?)

"Si. Si, Senor Heath," the vaquero quickly fixed his tack.

"Muchas gracias," Heath smiled just as Nick walked in.

"Ready to ride," Nick growled.

"Of course," the pastor took his horse out of the stable and mounted.

Nick followed shortly behind him and then Heath followed the rancher out to the range.

"Heard you talking to Ciego," Nick mumbled.

"Yes. I talked to Ciego."

"In Spanish. Didn't know you could speak Spanish," the rancher squinted at him

"Oh you'd be surprised on a lot I know Nick. But so far this has been a cake walk, when do we really work?" Heath grinned.

"OH boy well today I'm going to teach you to mend a fence, cause cattle and horses…"

"Know how to stretch a fence real well? Not the least bit of keeping watering holes, branding and cattle drives."

"And how would you know so much seeing as your such a green horn. Reading them dime store novels no doubt," Nick snickered.

"Nope, I just listen real good. So we mend fences then what?" Heath stopped with Nick.

"Mending fences is the easy stuff I break you in real easy just like a new Colt. So you pay attention since you been to school I'm sure you do that real well."

"Yes Nick I pay attention to every single word, look and manner when someone talks to me. It can tell a lot about a person," Heath dismounted with Nick and found him at bad stretch of fence.

They both worked on fences for a few hours, the pastor watching Nick wrap the wire around the fence pole. After a few miles, the rancher watched Heath do it.

"NO! NO! NO! Tighter Heath, like I said cattle, horses and other sundry animals stretch a fence. IT's why we wear gloves. You have gloves on I can see that. Now do it again," Nick crossed his arms, his temper flaring.

"Boy howdy Nick didn't know you could be so perfect on just a simple thing as a fence," Heath again tried wrapping the wire tight.

"Simple thing as a fence. WHY BOY RANGE WARS HAVE BEEN FOUGHT OVER THEM. I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET MY FATHER'S HARD WORK BE RUN OVER BY SOME OTHER MEN'S WORTHLESS CATTLE. You understand me?"

"Yeah Nick I understand you. I see why your mother complains about you yelling. I'm not more than two feet away from you. I figure I'll be deaf in a week," Heath laughed.

"Very funny. Keep working," Nick growled.

For two weeks Nick showed Heath the basics of ranching, trying to teach him to rope, and corral animals. Each time Nick's patience was put to the limit. But Heath managed to make it passable. Afterward Nick allowed Heath to work with the other men.

It had been a month when Heath noticed how the men talked when he was around. He could tell it was making them nervous and he knew being nervous could get them killed. He was distracted all day.

"Listen boy," Nick poked his gloved finger into Heath's chest. "You'd better pay attention. I ain't about three weeks of learning to disappear."

"Well how do you expect me to learn anything with all you're yelling? I'm surprised you have any men at all!" Heath's words stopped Nick.

Nick looked at the ground. "The men know me Heath. The know I yell a lot. You got to get used to it if you're going to work on the ranch."

"Fine, I guess I'll be like your mother and expect to go deaf," Heath returned to his work.

Riding back home, Heath kept on looking at Nick.

"Something bothering you?" Heath looked at the frowning rancher.

"First time anyone's complained about my yelling."

"Oh and what about your mother don't she count?" Heath looked into the squinting hazel eyes.

"It's different she raised me."

"Yeah real different. I was raised in an orphanage we was taught manners. Race you back to the ranch," Heath spurred his horse on, leaving Nick in the dust.

Heath was happy to get back to the stable before Nick as once again Ciego helped him unsaddle his horse. It was there little secret.

"Well boy you beat me this time, but I'll be ready for next time. Let's go," Nick pulled at the pastor's shirt collar.

"You go ahead I got something to do," Heath half smiled.

"All right, I'll let them know you're coming," Nick's spurs jangled as he left the stable.

"Muchas gracias Ciego. Me salvaste la culata (You saved my butt).

"Da nada. You go senor, before you really get into trouble," Ciego laughed.

"Gracias," Heath made his way to the bunkhouse and opened the door.

The men stopped talking and looked at him.

"Evening," Heath looked at the worried faces.

"Evening reverend," most of the men said.

"Well I think we have a problem boys," the pastor stepped further into the bunkhouse.

"Problem?" One of the men asked.

"Yes. Seems I'm holding you boys back when I'm around. You watch your language and your stories when I'm around," Heath stated.

The men suddenly found other things interesting.

"Well now let me tell you. I'm only going to be working here for little while, but your lives depend on you all doing a good job. I don't want you to worry about anything and carrying on like I wasn't here. I won't be responsible if one of you gets hurt. You hear me?" The pastor looked at all the men's faces.

"All right reverend we'll do that," Chad stated.

"And another thing I ain't a reverend when I'm working. Just call me Heath. All right?" Heath grinned.

"All right rev...I mean Heath," the men laughed.

"See you all in the morning," the pastor turned and headed out of the bunkhouse.

Heath found the Barkley's in the parlor laughing at some story. He waited at the door, by the curtains feeling left out.

"Please come in," Victoria looked at Heath. "I hope Nick is treating you well?" She patted to sit next to him.

"I'm fine here. As to Nick he isn't any worse than some of my instructors at school. The old and feeble ones who seemed to yell at us for no apparent reason," Heath smiled at Nick.

"Yes Nick I see you still the blowhard of the family," Jarrod laughed. "It's amazing we all still have our hearing. Nick doesn't seem to know how to speak indoors."

Nick was smoldering and looked daggers at Heath.

"Dinner is ready," Silas called.

Walking to dinner, Nick came behind Heath. "Just you wait boy. We been doing the easy stuff, you won't be so talkative in the next few weeks."

"Give it your best shot Nick. I've been pushed before," the pastor smiled as they made their way into the dining room.

Nick had not been joking for the next month he was taken to the roughest part of the ranch. He along with the other men chased cattle and horses through rough, tough terrain. Heath watched with respect as the men captured wild horses without getting themselves killed.

It was at dinner one night when Heath was pushing his food around on his plate. He was just plum tired to eat.

"Heath."

"Heath," Victoria touched his hand.

"Huh? What?" the pastor looked up with tired eyes.

"Are you all right?" She smiled at him.

"I'm fine, just tired," Heath lamented.

"So ranching's a cake walk," Nick snorted.

Heath didn't rise to Nick's bait. He grabbed a biscuit, buttered it and slathered it in jam. The sweetness seemed to take the dirt taste out of his mouth. For the past week everything tasted like dirt. Nick had made sure he had gotten the dirtiest job, only the rancher didn't know Heath never quit.

"Oh Nick you may have quieted me some now, but you'd better watch out. Once I get my second wind you won't hold a candle to me. I'm younger and stronger than you any day," Heath snickered.

"Well boy in case you haven't heard old age and treachery beats you youngsters any day," Nick laughed loud.

"Then you'll excuse since I'm done eating. I'm going to take a nice, long bath and get ready to beat the tar out of you. Goodnight," Heath got up feeling every muscle in his body protest. He walked out strong and tall not to give the blowhard the satisfaction.

Once Heath was gone Jarrod looked at Nick. "So tell me Nick how is Heath really doing?"

"Doing, why you'd never know he hadn't ridden before. He can rope, and guide his horse. Course I can't let him get a big head," Nick hunched over his food.

"Why don't you tell him?" Mother cautioned.

"Mother, because like I said if I told him why there'd be no stopping him. The other men may get ideas."

"Oh no big brother," Audra giggled, "you're just jealous because Heath's so good. Afraid he might take your trophy away from you in the next rodeo?"

"Listen sis, Heath ain't going to ride no broncs he's sticking with the cattle and horses. If I remember correctly I run this ranch and not you," Nick looked pointedly at his sister.

"All right children that's enough. Would it be so hard to tell Heath how good he is?" Victoria looked at her gloating son.

"NO, but he isn't that good yet."

For the next month Heath worked twice as hard as everyone else it seemed. The once even terrain of the Barkley ranch included rough and rocky. Finding cattle seemed like finding rain in the desert. Just when he had one cornered it just veered away from him. He lost track of how many got away and the man times Nick yelled at him for being stupider than cattle.

"Listen boy I thought you could take orders," Nick rode close to him, "It ain't that hard to round up cattle is it?"

Heath took off his hat, wiped the sweat from his brow and angrily put his hat back on. "NO trouble at all Nick, funny thing this big lop eared dope keeps getting in the way!"

"Lop eared dope and who would that be?" Nick growled.

"You! Every time I get close you show up and scare him away. Just leave me the heck alone so I can do my work. Or don't you trust me," the blond grimaced.

"Of course I trust you."

"Fine then leave me alone. I'll round up the cattle."

Nick looked at the well worn man. He knew he had been trying and he had been in the way.

"All right Heath. I got things to do. I'll see you at lunch."

"Fine," Heath watched as the rancher rode away finally giving him a chance to do his job. Tracking the cattle he went into more treacherous terrain, the ground was rocky and uneven; brush was thick and bit into his jeans. Far off in the distance he could see Nick and a few other men.

Good morning Ciego. I just can't seem to fix these dang cinch. Can you help me? Me

Good afternoon. How are you Ciego? You are having a good day? I'm going to need your help in the future. Can I count on you?

Buenas tardes. ¿Cómo te Ciego? Está teniendo un buen día? Voy a necesitar su ayuda en el futuro. ¿Puedo contar con usted?

Ciego, por favor, me dicen que van de nuevo?

Ciego, please tell me where these go again?

Finding another calve he didn't know what happened next as his horse bucked and he desperately reached for the reins as they slipped from his hands. (Who has the reins? He should be holding them himself. Don't have him pull back on the reins either as the horse rears or he can pull the horse over on himself. You only pull the reins when the horse is bucking to get its head up. Because of the position of the the feet in the stirrups when a horse is rearing - heels down and toes up the feet should slid out of the stirrups but getting bucked off is another question.)

His horse tore through the heavy underbrush, Heath held tightly onto the horn only to feel it slipping away as his horse bucked again. (Horses can run and buck but they have to stop to rear) He felt his right foot slip from the stirrup as his body was thrown to the left. Unable to re-balance himself he continued over the horses left shoulder hitting the ground hard as the horse shied away from his body and took off running. With his left foot still caught in the stirrup Heath could do nothing but try to protect his face from the rocks and brush coming at him from all sides. (Sliding down his saddle he hit hard on the ground behind his runaway horse, his left foot still caught in the stirrup. The man tried to protect his face with rocks, dirt, dust and brush coming at him at all sides replace with the blue above) .

The horse ran deeper into more rocky terrain, as Heath bounced and he fought to get his boot free, large rocks loomed at his head and his upper torso took a beating until he was knocked unconscious. Once relaxed his foot slipped free from his boot and he lay still as wind whipped sand and tumbleweeds over his body.

"Nick look!" One of the men pointed to Heath's run away horse.

Nick rode hard trying to catch up to Heath. He found the blond's body in amongst the brush, jumped off his horse and ran to his brother.

"HEATH! HEATH! ANSWER ME BOY!" the rancher asked in terror. Leaning forward he heard the plaintive breathing.

"C'MON LITTLE BROTHER YOU AIN'T GOIN TO LEAVE ME NOW. I AIN'T GOT TO KNOW YOU," Nick cried.

By this time the crew of men had gathered around Heath and Nick. Surprise and astonished at the new revelation.

Nick leaned closer into Heath's face and lightly tapped him. "Give me a canteen," he held out his hand. One appeared in his hand, taking off his bandana he wet it and wiped Heath's bloody and bruised face.

"C'mon boy. You can't leave me now," Nick begged.

Heath opened his eyes to slits and looked up.

"N-i-ccc-k. Don't…ne..shout," the pastor closed his eyes again.

Nick looked up at his audience.

"You there," he pointed to one of the men. "You get his horse and gear and bring it back to the ranch. "You ride to town get the doc tell him to meet us home," he pointed to another.

"But we need a wagon," one of the men protested.

"Where in the hell are we going to get a wagon in here?" Nick stood up.

"Sorry Nick. We didn't know he was your brother," Chad had held onto his hat.

"He didn't want anyone to know just yet. I'm going to need one of you to ride to the ranch to let them know we're coming and you're going have to help me get him on my horse.

"But Nick ain't that dangerous I mean he could be hurt bad," Barrett protested.

"We ain't got no choice, the longer we wait the worse it gets. NOW GET GOING I GAVE YOU AN ORDER!" Three men disappeared on their appointed tasks.

One of men held his horse as Nick climbed on, another gently raised Heath up to the rancher and he said a silent prayer. The long slow ride back home seemed like an eternity.

" _ **C'mon boy you got to hang in there. It's all my fault," Nick watched as Heath's head lolled back and forth**_

 _ **Seeing the white columns of the house and men waiting for him made Nick finally be able to breathe.**_

Nick heard the blond wheeze with each tortured breath. He could feel heat emanating from him and wished to God he could stop the pain.

Heath moaned with each movement of the horse, his whole body felt like it was on fire. He couldn't catch his breath, he felt as if he was drowning. The soft cooing noise helped to ease his pain, knowing his brother was there for him.

The shining lights from the house lifted Nick's spirit along with the doctor's buggy. Jarrod, Mother and Audra came out of the house.

"Jarrod what are you doing here?" Nick looked at his worried brother.

"When I saw someone go for the doctor I decided to come home." the lawyer offered his hands and Nick gently handed the blond down. Both Mother and Jarrod grasped Heath in a fireman's carry and the rancher slid off his horse.

"Heath's room is all ready," Victoria said looking at the bloody mess of the blond, "the doctors waiting."

Nick followed his family up unable to say anything else. Mother and Jarrod gently placed Heath in his bed as the doctor looked on.

"Victoria if you would please leave. I believe Jarrod, Nick and I can finish the rest."

"Can you tell me what happened Nick?" The doctor as he started to remove Heath's clothing.

"His horse…his horse. God he got drug a few miles. I didn't know," Nick felt his resolved dissolving.

"Well let's see the damage," he carefully took off Heath's clothes. The shirt was in shreds and the pants little more. His feet, back and head were covered in blood. "After we fix up Heath we'll take a look at you."

"Me?" Nick looked down to see blood on his clothes. "No, Doc this is Heath's blood. He, he going to be all right?"

Heath was so hot then he felt a cooling touch and opened his eyes. It was dark and warm and a woman softly cooed his name.

"Mama. Mama," the pastor called thinking his Mama had finally come to take care of him.

Victoria bit her bottom lip and held back her tears. This man had worked her way into her heart with all his resistance. He was a Barkley; she just had to convince him of it.

Again he felt the cooling touch. "Oh Mama. I miss you so," he mumbled. "Wish I had a Mother. No one wants me."

The silver haired woman whispered. "Of course you're wanted son, by the Barkley's you fit so well in the family."

"No. NO," Heath shook his head. "I'm a bastard, not fit for decent people. Only God can save me."

"Heath, Heath, open your eyes," Victoria asked gently as she turned up the lamp.

"Victoria," the pastor looked down to find himself in bed, and then he closed his eyes. "Horse."

"You're all right. You are bruised and have a few broken ribs and ankle," she patted his hands.

"So tired. So tired," Heath's head flopped on his chest.

" _ **Drink this then you can sleep," the matriarch put a teaspoon of laudanum in his water and he drank greedily. He was asleep before his head slid back on the pillow.**_

" _ **Please God let Heath accept us as his family," she turned down the lamp and watched the pastor's steady breathing.**_

"NO. NO" Heath mind screamed as the horse took off like a wildfire. He couldn't move and larger and larger boulders were coming at him. A huge mountain loomed and he opened his eyes to semi-darkness. His whole body ached and he found himself asleep sitting up and in his nightshirt with two quilts on him. Off in the distance, he saw an outline, trying to open his eyes which refused. His throat felt like the Mojave Desert.

"Water," Heath whispered, he slid from his bed only to find his bedroom spinning.

"Heath, just what do you think you're doing?" Nick's voice made him jump.

"What are you doing here? Thought you had a ranch to run," Heath hissed.

The dark haired rancher poured the blond a glass of water which he drank greedily.

"You get back to bed before you hurt yourself more," Nick gently pushed Heath back into bed.

The pastor nodded and went back to sleep.

Heath was growing restless with his ankle elevated, his ribs healing slowly. He had only been in bed two weeks but it felt like a month. He was used to moving, doing things and now he longed for the range.

Victoria came in with his lunch and letters.

"Good afternoon," she carefully placed the tray in his lap.

"Afternoon," Heath stared out of the window. He shifted in bed.

"Restless?" she placed a napkin in his lap.

He nodded, "used to be doing things, not stuck in bed. Never got sick until recently."

"Oh these are for you," she took out a few letters and placed them next to him.

The blond looked at the one official one and his friend John. "Thank you ma'am."

He then ate his lunch quietly, glancing every so often at the letters. Victoria made small talk.

"Oh and the doctor will be here tomorrow to see about getting you some crutches, so you can have meals with us," she looked at her worried son.

"That be nice. Gets kinda lonely up here. I mean I have my books and bible, never thought I'd feel this way," he turned and smiled at her.

"Yes we miss you too. Especially Nick seems you two were made to be a good team," she patted his hand.

"Great lunch as usual. Seeing as I'm not working those new clothes you got me might get a mite tight pretty soon," he patted his belly.

"Then will have to get you more Heath. Finished?" She could tell he was anxious to read his letters.

"Yes thank you again. For taking care of me and all. All of you. I don't know when I've…"

"Heath," she stood up, "in case you haven't noticed you're a part of this family now. We all love you in our own ways. Now it's up to you." She took the tray and kissed the top of his head and he blushed.

"I'll bring dinner up in a few hours. I love you Heath," she turned and left him alone, open mouthed.

Getting his composure back he took the first letter addressed to him from the Bishop's house and seminary and opened it.

 _ **My dearest Heath,**_

 _ **I hope this finds you in good spirits. God did have a plan for you. Now that you have found a home we are in desperate need of your old room...**_

The pastor set the letter down. _His room. His old room._ Then he looked at his new room. It was grander and filled with the warmth of his new family. Yes, his new family. It seemed ever since he got here, family had been thrusting things to put in his sparse room.

Nick had given him a few more quilts, Jarrod books and Audra checkers. Victoria, no Mother had made sure his clothes were always clean and he had more clothes than his entire life. Picking up the letter he started to read again.

 _ **I know that God answered your prayers a little late, but it was in his own time. We will be shipping the contents of your quarters and look forward when you return to your duties.**_

 _ **Yours in Christ,**_

 _ **Bishop George Hammond.**_

 _ **Heath breathed a sigh and took the other letter from his friend John**_.

Heath was staring out the window looking at the vast expanse of land. Both letters were in his lap and he was nervous. The pastor heard the door open and saw Victoria bring his dinner in, flanked by his brothers and sister.

"So did you have a good rest and your letters?" The silver haired woman placed the tray in his lap and he looked at her and nodded.

"Good. Good. I told them you were getting lonely," she smiled at her children.

"Didn't mean for you to interrupt your dinner," Heath looked at his new family.

"Well now boy you didn't. We ate already," Nick crossed his arms.

"Boy howdy doesn't Nick ever get full?" the blond smiled.

Jarrod and Audra laughed.

"It ain't funny," Nick growled but smiled at Heath.

"Well now is as good as time as any," the pastor cleared his throat.

"That doesn't sound good," Jarrod drew closer to his bed.

"I got a letter from the Bishop today," the blond inhaled and watched as the room grew tense.

"Nothing for you to worry about, I mean. Their just sending my things…home."

"Home," Victoria whispered.

"Yes home," Heath held his hands out to his stepmother, "yes home m…Mother. They'll be a few crates not much more. Just wanted you to be on the lookout for them. Not sure how'll they'll be sent."

His family converged on him, hugging and kissing him. He blushed considerably.

"Why this calls for a celebration Mother," Jarrod looked on at Heath. "Champagne."

"Champagne?" Heath looked worriedly at his new found family.

"You do drink champagne don't ya, Heath," Nick looked at the red faced brother.

"Don't know never had it. Most I ever drink is sarsaparilla."

"Why you haven't lived until you drunk champagne," Audra laughed.

"All righty then. I'll taste some of that champagne."

Before long Silas brought up champagne and the whole family celebrated. The liquor quickly made short work of the injured pastor and he fell asleep from all the excitement.

 _ **His dinner tray was removed as each family member kissed him goodnight.**_

" _ **All right I'll try it, just this once. Not every day a man gets a new family."**_

The blond was talking to the men as they rode the range looking for lost cattle. He didn't know what happened next as his horse reared and he desperately reached for the reins.

His horse tore through the heavy underbrush, Heath held tightly onto the horn only to feel it slipping away as his horse reared again. Sliding down his saddle he hit hard on the ground behind his runaway horse, his left foot still caught in the stirrup. The man tried to protect his face with rocks, dirt, dust and brush coming at him at all sides.

The horse ran deeper into more rocky terrain, as Heath bounced and he fought to get his boot free, large rocks loomed and his head and upper torso took a beating until he was knocked unconscious. Once relaxed his foot slipped free from his boot and he lay still as wind whipped sand and tumbleweeds over his body.

Heath carefully came down the stairs with his crutches. He found his family in the parlor laughing.

"Well now look who we got here," Nick came over and let the pastor lean on him.

"Boy howdy sure feels good to get out of that room," Heath stepped carefully as Nick guided him to the couch. There was a blanket and pillows and he looked at his Mother.

"I thought you might want to come down for awhile," she winked at him, "your just like all my other boys, restless when their sick."

The pastor turned ten shades of red and was glad to be lying down on the couch; he had tired himself out just coming down the stairs. Small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead and the back of his neck and his lungs screamed for air.

Jarrod came over and handed Heath a glass of water.

"Thanks Jarrod. Guess it took more out of me than I thought," Heath gratefully drank it empty.

"You don't fool us brother, it took a lot of effort to come down those stairs. We'll help you help up too," Jarrod sat across from him.

The pastor smiled wanly. He was used to helping others, it still felt strange.

"Dinner's ready," Silas came in and looked at Heath.

"Glad to see you up Mister Heath," the houseman smiled.

" _ **Good to be up. Now I plan on eating at the table tonight. With a little help from my family," the blond slid his legs off the couch to find four sets of hands helping him up.**_

 _ **There was laughter as they went into the dining room.**_

Heath was up in his room sleeping when a slight knock on his door woke him. Using his crutches he opened the door to see his family on the other side.

"Afternoon," Nick grinned like a Cheshire cat and came in. Jarrod, followed by Audra and Mother.

Each of his siblings carried a crate and sat them on the floor.

The pastor knew what they were. Three crates, yes that about summed up his life.

"Here you go Heath, came on this morning's train. I was in town and got them here," Jarrod rocked on his heels.

"Oh and I brought a crowbar," Mother showed him and set it on one of the crates.

Heath touched each of the crates, looked at his family and gave a half-smile. "Thanks for bringing up here. I knew there wasn't much."

"Come children I'm sure Heath would like to put his things away privately," Victoria gestured at her children. Each of them turned to go.

"That's not necessary. I could probably use some help. Ankle's almost healed but sometimes…"

"Certainly little brother," the lawyer volunteered, "what do you need us to do?"

"How about you open these crates? I'd really appreciated it," Heath sat on the bed.

"You have the honors Nick," Jarrod gave Nick the crowbar.

Within short order all the crates were open and the lids removed.

The pastor looked at his meager belongings.

"Well you seem to have a lot of books," Jarrod pulled out a volume.

"Told you it was one of my vices," Heath made his way over to the crate with his books. Most of them were well worn and much loved.

"Well why don't we help Heath unpack. Tell us where you want them sweetheart," Mother looked at her confused son.

"Sure thing," Jarrod smiled, "since you have a bookcase shall I put these in?" the lawyer picked up the box and walked to the bookcase. "In any particular order brother," Jarrod smiled.

"No, not at this time," Heath shook his head.

"Oh these are lovely," Audra had picked up a few of his mementos, "where did you get these?" She picked up a few hand made gifts.

"Mainly from the churches I been, was at. They sometimes gave me a going away party. I told it wasn't necessary but…" Heath shrugged.

Again, his family put his things away and he looked at his room. Emotions came washing over him, for congregations lost and not ever finding a permanent posting.

"I think we should leave Heath alone before dinner," Mother walked over to him as his brothers and sister left the room.

"Heath," Mother sat on the bed next to him.

"Yes," the pastor turned to her.

" _ **I understand, about these things, about starting a new life. I came from back east to this wild country with your Father. It was scary and exciting leaving my old life behind. But you're a Barkley and strong. I love you," she got up and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you at dinner."**_

 _ **Closing the door behind her, Heath felt tears run down his cheeks.**_

The first few weeks back to riding the range were tiring to Heath. Not one to complain he did his work without complaint. He enjoyed being with his new family at dinner time.

"Why Heath, I think Nick will have to enter you in the rodeo this year," Jarrod laughed.

"Me in a rodeo Jarrod?" Heath shook his head, "not me. I prefer working the ranch without all that falderal, besides wouldn't be proper for me to do it."

"Why the hel, heck not Heath," Nick's voice boomed.

"Isn't proper to be boastful me a minister and all," the pastor buttered his bread.

"A pastor?" Audra looked at him, "but I thought…"

"Look I appreciate what you all have done for me. But I still have my calling. I'm thankful I have a home to come home now when I'm done with postings. It means the world too me. I got a family and a home. More than I ever dreamed possible," Heath locked eyes with each of his family.

"I don't know Heath, maybe you missed your calling," Nick patted Heath on the back, "I didn't want to say nothing, figuring it give you a big head. But you make one fine cowboy, none better than you."

Heath blushed. "Well that's real nice of you Nick. But…I'll have to think on it some. Being a minister is all I really know."

"Please Nick," Victoria cautioned and held Heath's hand. "He's been through these last few months. If Heath decides to stay a cowboy it will be his choice. I want no pressure from any of you. Do I make myself clear?"

Nick, Audra and Jarrod nodded.

"At least I know I have a home now and a family," Heath smiled and squeezed his Mother's hand.

Heath hadn't really been paying attention just thankful he could be doing his work. Only he had returned to a piece of fence to find two of Barkley ranch hands at his piece of fence.

"Boys," Heath shifted in his saddle.

"Heath," the men blushed.

"Mind telling me why you're here? I heard Nick give you different orders," the blond could tell something was up.

"Um, uh," Jace stammered.

"Well it's like…" Rance blushed.

"You know fellas; confession is always good for the soul. I should know," Heath again looked at the men.

"Nick, Nick wanted to watch your back Heath. He didn't mean nothing by it," Jace frowned and kicked the dirt.

"Watch my back? Maybe he wanted to check my work!" Heath had been duped again.

"No, Heath it was nothing like that. Honest," Rance tried to get it out.

"Well looks like I need to have a talk with my big brother. Excuse me," Heath turned his horse and rode hard to find Nick.

Heath found Nick on the other side of the range when he rode up. The rancher was hard at work when the pastor came to him.

"Heath, why the devil are you here? I thought I gave you a work assignment." Nick said through gritted teeth.

"Funny you should ask that Nick. Why don't we just stop pretending shall we?" Heath pushed his hat to the back of his head.

"Stop pretending what?" Nick looked up, sweat dripping from his face.

Heath had Nick's full attention.

"Stop pretending I'm a cowboy, rancher or whatever you want to call it." Heath stayed on his horse, looking down at the frustrated rancher. There was fire in the pastor's blue eyes.

"Heath?"

"Let's see now. I can't play poker. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I surely can't fight." The pastor counted the items on his gloved fingers.

"But Heath," Nick protested.

"I can't even saddle my horse. Since poor Ciego is still doing it. I can't mend a dang fence since every one I done you have the other men fix it. I've seen it."

"You got to know Heath."

Heath shouted. "You have men shadowing me, every part of the range I'm on. Means everything you been telling me is a lie. So you know what you should do Nick?"

"HEATH!"

"You should hire some top cowboy and then you can have the brother you want. Why he can go into town with you to the saloon and do all the carousing you want."

"HEATH WILL YOU LISTEN ONE MINUTE!"

"No you listen Nick Barkley. I can't and won't ever be the brother you want. So let's just forget it okay. I got things I got to do," Heath turned his horse away from Nick and was hell bent for leather riding fast and furious away from his brother Nick.

"HEATH THOMSON BARKLEY YOU GET BACK HERE. YOU HEAR ME BOY!" Nick watched in frustration stuck behind the fence as the pastor disappeared off in the distance.

Nick threw down his tools and jumped on his horse. He had an idea where Heath was headed and he hoped he'd beat him home.

Heath rode hard and finally had to give his horse a rest. The heavy panting and lather showed him he had mistreated the animal. A pause gave him a chance to think. A cowboy! A cowboy, he had never dreamed it. When he was a boy in the orphanage sometimes dime novels found there way into the boy's dormitory. The novels were hidden from adult eyes and he read them over and over again. The hero's were so perfect and the villains only more so. But the hero always got the girl and had a nice family waiting for him. Something he would never have. Now, here is was Heath Barkley, on one of the biggest spreads west of the Mississippi and he felt lost again.

Seeing the white columns he knew he was home, getting off his horse he was walking into the stable when a large object stopped him.

"Nick!" Heath stopped in his tracks.

"Heath," Nick took the horse's reins and he gave them to Ciego. "Take care of my brother's horse."

"Si, Senor Nick," Ciego took the reins and guided the horse into the stable.

" _ **You and me got something to discuss little brother," the rancher wrapped his arm around Heath and walked him into the bright sunshine**_.

Nick guided Heath to the corrals and wouldn't let go of him.

"Why for a minute there I thought you was me," Nick laughed.

"YOU! I hate to be you," Heath frowned.

"Yeah, little brother, usually I'm the one flying off the handle. Now I want you to be quiet until you hear me out," the dark haired man looked intently into the blond's.

"But," the blond raised his finger. "Oh, all right. But it better be good."

"All right Heath. I just your work I do. Why you're a natural takin to ranchin so fast. The reason those boys were following you was," Nick kicked the dirt, "well I just found you and I wasn't about to lose you again. Why you're the brother I dreamed of, dontya know it. Jarrod and Eugene they is all for book learning, don't have a ranchin bone in their body. But you," Nick pushed a finger in Heath's chest. "We're partners in this ranch. Why if Father were here he'd be so damn proud of ya. There I said my piece."

Heath looked into his brother's hazel eyes. They were full of worry, hope and love. Something he had dreamed of as a boy. He had always wanted to be adopted into a big family and have lots of brothers and sisters.

" _ **I'm sorry Nick. I'm just new at this brother business. I mean all men are my brother's, I mean with the Lord, but I never had one of my own. I guess I forgot what it means," Heath smiled.**_

" _ **I was so afraid of losing you after that horse drug you Heath. It was my fault, you know. I shoulda taken better care of you. I knew you were still green, just pride I guess," Nick wiped the tears from his eyes.**_

For the next few weeks the brothers worked together. Making Heath feel more secure in his new home and more at ease at the dinner table and with his family. It had been another long day and Nick grinned.

"Well Heath let's go into town," the dark haired rancher patted Heath on the back.

"And do what Nick? It's almost dinner time in case you forgot and I'm hungry."

Nick frowned. "Sorry, little brother. It's just."

"Just what Nick. I'm sorry I'm not one to 'paint the town red'. I'd rather play checkers with Audra or read my bible, if you don't mind," Heath headed towards the house.

"Heath I don't mean nothing by it, promise. But you're right, time to go home." Nick laughed as they made their way home.

It was mid-afternoon when Nick rode up.

"Mount up boy we're going to town," Nick looked serious.

"But Nick I …"

"For supplies, seems we ain't got any men worth a damn. We ain't goin to finish the fencing without more wire. Now mount up and race ya home. Yehaww," Nick urged his horse on.

Heath followed Nick's lead and rode up a few moments after him.

"Ciego you give these horses a good rubdown and we're taking the small wagon to town, case anyone's askin," Nick gave the order loudly to the man.

"Si, senor," Ciego laughed as he watch the men hitch the wagon and head into town.

"Now, boy we're going to town. Seems Mother's birthday is coming up and you need to get her a present," the dark haired rancher pushed his finger into Heath's chest.

"So I'm goin to load up the wagon and you're going shopping," Nick smiled like a private joke.

"For Mother?" Heath gulped. "I haven't the faintest idea what to get her Nick. Can you help me?"

"Heath, whatever you get her will be fine. Long as it's from you she'll love it."

The rode the rest of the way to town and true to his word, Nick loaded the wagon and Heath spent is time looking at all the fine shop windows.

Hats, jewelry and stationary seemed to scream at him. Then he remembered a shop Mother frequented and went in. The shopkeeper was more than happy to help him and wrapped the gift nicely.

"Thanks again for all your help. Just didn't have any idea," Heath shook the man's hand again.

"My pleasure Mr. Barkley. Let me know if she doesn't like it and I can accommodate her."

"I surely will. Thanks again," Heath whistled on the way back to the wagon.

Nick was standing there, his arms crossed as Heath came up.

"Find something for her boy?"

"Yes Nick. I hope she likes it," the blond stuffed the package underneath the seat.

"Well I'm thirsty," Nick grabbed Heath's arm.

"Where are we going?" Heath stopped Nick.

"Why to Harry's. I want a beer," the rancher got indignant.

"Well you go right ahead Nick. I'll wait in the wagon," the blond headed back to the wagon.

"And do what? I maybe a while," Nick sighed.

"I'll read this," the pastor took his bible out of his vest pocket.

"You always carry this with you?" Nick could read it was a bible.

"Yes Nick. I'm a minister unless you forgot," Heath tried to explain it nicely.

"Hum, feel funny if you're reading that while I'm in Harry's. C'mon I'll buy you a sarsaparilla."

"Nick, are you crazy. I can't go to Harry's. Besides if someone says something I'm afraid they'll be trouble," Heath's eyebrow shot up.

"Trouble," Nick pointed to himself. "What you think I don't got no self control?"

The pastor looked at the sidewalk and then at Nick. "Yes. Jarrod told me several stories about your temper and…"

" _ **Well Jarrod don't know everything. I promise there be no trouble," Nick crossed his heart and smiled.**_

" _ **You promise? You'll turn the other cheek, just like the Lord?" Heath half-smiled.**_

" _ **Yes Heath, I'll turn the other cheek. C'mon beers getting warm."**_

As both men walked into the saloon, they stopped the patrons from talking. Everyone in Stockton knew of Nick Barkley and the talk about the newest Barkley had been the talk of it since.

Heath had never been in a saloon; oh he had walked by them many times but never actually stepped in one. Walking in he found a place with about ten tables and chairs, a player piano and a large, long bar. There was a questionable painting of a fallen angel behind the bar and a large, rotund man behind it. The man frowned when they approached the bar. He was dressed in a white shirt, with a bright tie and an apron around his large middle. The man was cleaning glasses on the bar.

Both could feel eyes on their backs as they walked to the bar. Heath had taken a quick look at the patrons as they went through the batwing doors. He could see it was mainly filled with cowboys and working men.

"Afternoon Harry," Nick smiled at the barkeep.

"Nick," Harry looked at the uncomfortable Heath, giving them a tight smile.

"Heath is it?" Harry looked at the nervous man.

"Yes sir, Heath," Heath's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'll have a beer, my brother a sarsaparilla," the rancher ordered.

"Sure thing Nick. Besides we don't get too many of your kind in here," Harry said nervously pouring the beer and sarsaparilla.

"And what kind would that be?" Nick growled.

"Nick, please. You promised," the blond hissed.

"Preachers Nick," Harry turned around giving the men their drinks.

"Oh," the rancher said sheepishly and took a long swallow on his beer.

Heath sipped his aspergilla and tried not to draw attention upon his self. But he felt it was too late, he could all ready hear the murmurs of the patrons.

"Well lookie here," a loud voice called out from the saloon. "Never seen a bastard preacher before boys. Have you?"

This was followed by riotous laughter.

The pastor watched as Nick became angry.

Heath moved closer to Nick. "You promised me Nick," he touched his brother's arm.

"All right Heath. I promised," Nick went back to his beer.

"Yeah the great Barkley's have a preacher in the family. Who would have thought that? Them high and mighty people don't need any more help, seeing as they stole most of their land anyway," another loud voice boomed in the room.

Nick held tightly on his glass and then looked at Heath who found his drink interesting.

"Yeah think of that, Tom Barkley's whelp is a man of God. Don't that beat all! Besides we know Tom Barkley wasn't exactly a God fearing man either," another voice sliced through Nick's heart.

"Nick," Heath whispered. "Don't pay them no mind. Turn the other cheek."

"Easy for you to say, brother," Nick growled.

"Not easy Nick. Had to do it more times than I can count," the pastor said wistfully.

Nick looked at his downcast brother. "I'm sorry Heath."

"Tom Barkley's bastard preacher son and big, bad Nick Barkley, born of the same cloth boys. Don't ya think?" the same voice called out.

"Nick, please," Heath could see the anger building up in Nick. "We can just go and…"

"And what give them the satisfaction we Barkley's are cowards," Nick turned around to face his accusers.

The rancher found the first loud mouth and pounced on him, leaving Heath at the bar mortified. Things went from bad to worse and Nick was now attacking the loud mouth's companions.

The pastor hurried over and tried to stop his reckless brother, trying to tear him off the man he was beating senseless on the table.

"NICK! NICK PLEASE YOU PROMISED!" Heath shouted over the ever growing bar room brawl. More men joined in the fight as hapless barkeep cringed as his saloon was torn up.

Nick continued to take pleasure pounding the bully.

Trying harder Heath tried once again to pull his brother off the man only to feel his head explode with pain as he fell to the dirty, saloon floor.

Nick continued his fight as the whole saloon had become one large barroom bawl. He was taking great pleasure in pounding one of the men who derided the good name of Barkley when gun fire stopped his next punch.

"BREAK IT UP FELLAS," Sheriff Fred Madden's voice stopped the antics of the men.

Chairs and tables were quickly turned upright and men stopped fighting. Madden came over to Nick and stared at Harry.

"So tell me Harry who started it," giving the barkeep a wink.

"He did," Harry pointed to Nick and the now prone Heath.

"Not without provocation Sheriff, why these men," Nick pointed to the now bruised and bloody instigators, "they said things that."

"Enough Nick can't you just ignore for once?" Madden shook his head.

Nick shrugged.

"All right wake him up," Fred pointed to the unconscious preacher lying on the floor.

The embarrassed rancher walked over to Heath, his back on the floor and gently prodded him with his boot. "C'mom Heath wake up," he pushed harder.

"Let me, Sheriff," Harry came out from behind the bar and took Nick's glass.

"NO!" Nick cringed as Harry poured the contents of his beer on the pastor's face.

Heath sputter and spat and then sat up holding onto his aching head, then grabbed his hat next to him, putting it on made his head pound harder.

"Thank you Harry. C'mon boys you're going to jail," Fred herded Nick and Heath out of the saloon.

Leaning on Nick Heath wasn't sure what he heard. "Jail?"

"Yes Jail. Don't fret Jarrod will get us out in no time," Nick knew the way by heart with Madden tsking them all the way.

"I can't go to jail Nick. I'm a preacher. Don't you understand," Heath hissed taken steps closer and closer to the dreaded jail.

Once in Nick removed his gun belt and hat, Heath removed his hat and gave them to the sheriff.

"Sheriff could you please let me brother know we here," Nick stated as the clanging of the cell doors closed.

Nick went in one cell and Heath the other. The clanging of the cell was the pastor's death knell.

Within an half an hour the sheriff came in with bad news.

"Nick, apparently Jarrod had to go to Sacramento but is expected later today. But I'll make sure he knows you're here soon as he gets off the train," Madden looked at both men.

"Thanks Sheriff," Nick yawned as the man left them alone.

"Well Heath why don't you get some shut eye looks like we're going to be here for awhile," Nick lay on the cot, crossed his arms and was quickly asleep.

 _ **The pastor said on the edge of his cot, putting his head in his hands, reeking of beer, smoke and who knows what else had been on the saloon floor. Whatever the Bishop said about coming back would now be dashed. Not only was he in a saloon but was party to a bar room brawl and in jail. He would be forced to leave the only thing he knew and start over again.**_

Jarrod Barkley took a few deep breaths and a couple of long sighs to abate his growing anger at his brother Nick. Nick had pulled some dooseys in his time but this affected more than Nick. He again tried to open the door to the sheriff's office only he still felt like punching the living daylights out of his dark haired brother.

Opening the door, the lawyer plastered on his best courtroom smile and looked at the sheriff.

"Evening Jarrod," Madden said getting up from his chair.

"You know why I'm here," again the lawyer calmed his anger.

"Yes sir I do. You got the message then," the sheriff got the jail cell keys.

"Yes Fred. I talked to Harry. We're paying for all the damages and he's agreed to drop the charges," Jarrod walked over to the outer jail cell door.

"I guess..." the sheriff stuck the door in the key.

"Before you do that, tell me what condition their in," Jarrod crossed his arms.

"Well Nick is sleeping like a baby and Heath, why he's all torn up. Been sitting with his head in his hands, white as a sheet and just grief stricken," Madden winced.

"Do me a favor Fred. Why don't you wake up my brother loudly, make him wonder where he's at," the lawyer took the large key. "I'll hold this while you get a cup or something."

Fred obliged and grabbed an empty tin cup from the top of the stove, nodding Jarrod opened the door and he stormed in. Banging the cup loudly on Nick's cell woke up the tired rancher.

"WHAT THE HELL! TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART… Jarrod?" Nick stood up and went to the front of the cell.

"Nick," Jarrod nodded. "Heath."

Heath stood up, white and frowning.

Madden opened Heath's cell first then Nick. Both men followed silently to the outer office. The man gave Nick his gun and hat and then Heath his hat.

"Thank you Sheriff. Hopefully I won't see you again," the lawyer glared at Nick. Heading out of the office, Jarrod was followed by his two brothers.

"Thanks Jarrod," Heath mumbled his voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah thanks big Brother," Nick patted hard on Jarrod's back.

The lawyer continued to glare at Nick.

"Well come on Heath lets go home and get some dinner," the rancher wrapped his arm around his sullen brother.

Heath let his brother lead them to the wagon in the now dark town. Climbing in the wagon, he continued to look at the floor.

Jarrod climbed on his horse and watched as Nick climbed in the wagon. Whereas Nick's shoulders were straight and tall Heath's shoulder's slumped giving him the resemblance of a beaten old man.

"C'mon boys," Nick egged on the horses. Once out of town Jarrod could see Nick trying to talk to Heath.

"Heath I'm sorry you got to believe me. I really truly am," Nick begged.

"Well Jarrod said you sometimes to things you're sorry for but I don't think this was one of them," Heath continued to look at the floor.

"Well now Jarrod ain't always right like I told you before. I tried Heath you got to believe me. Why I would hit that jackass sooner iffen you hadn't been there," Nick smirked and reached for Heath's hands.

Heath turned away from Nick, staring out into the distance.

"Well brother Nick you haven't seen anything yet until Mother gets a hold of you," Jarrod said under his breath.

Finally pulling up to the mansion, Heath jumped from the wagon before Nick could say anything.

"Ciego. CIEGO! Nick looked around for the vaquero.

"Yes Senor Nick," the vaquero appeared out of nowhere.

"Take care of the wagon," then Nick remembered to look under the seat. A plain, brown paper bag was underneath it. The reason they went to town in the first place. He heard the front door slam.

Heath rushed in the house as quickly as he could. He felt cold, hungry and dirty, as though he would vomit at any minute.

"Heath," Mother stopped him and tried to hug him.

"Please Mother I smell like a brewery. I'm going to take a nice long bath," the pastor was quickly up the stairs and headed to the bathroom.

Nick and Jarrod came into the house, the rancher clutching Heath's present like a shield.

"Mother," Nick tried his best smile.

She pointed towards the study.

"But Mother," Nick again tried to smile.

"I don't expect my orders to be repeated twice Nicholas," her grey eyes piercing Nick's soul.

"Yes Mother, but I have..."

"Silas," the houseman appeared behind his mother. "Would you make sure this gets into Heath's room?

" _ **Yes ma'am," Silas took the bag and shook his head.**_

 _ **Nick shrugged as he began his walk to the guillotine.**_

Once inside Nick faced his Mother and big brother. The rancher feared little but his Mother angry at him was daunting. He felt like he again was five and he had done something he shouldn't have.

Sitting on the couch he faced them and tried to smile.

"Oh no you don't Nicolas," Mother scolded, "What you did was inexcusable."

"Can I explain at least?" Nick held up his hands and then noticed he was still wearing his gloves, blushing he removed them and then looked at his family.

"Surely Mother Nick can 'explain', it would be only right," Jarrod said in his best courtroom defense.

"Thank you Jarrod," the rancher smiled. He watched as Mother and Jarrod sat themselves properly on the chairs opposite him. His Mother was tight lipped and the lawyer sat with his arms crossed. Sighing deeply he began.

"Well now the reason I took Heath to town was to get you a birthday present," Nick smiled with no response, "poor boy didn't even know it was your birthday and was awful nervous once I told him. So while he shopped for your present I loaded up the wagon with our weekly supplies and let me tell you it gives a man a terrible thirst."

Silence greeted him.

Clearing his throat he continued, "Well now Heath came back and like I said I was thirsty do I told Heath I wanted a beer. He said he would wait in the wagon and read his bible while I got myself a beer."

Mother turned her head from side to side and then looked at Jarrod. "Nick sometimes I wonder if you and your brother's are related."

"Mother, I didn't feel right Heath just sitting there by his lonesome so I offered to buy him a sarsaparilla in the saloon and…"

"A SASPERILLA! DID YOU LEAVE YOUR BRAINS IN THE WAGON NICK!?" Jarrod stood up.

While in the bathroom, drowning his sorrows in bath water, Heath could hear muffled voices coming from somewhere in the house and he had no doubt it was Nick.

"Jarrod, you ain't let me finish yet. I promised Heath I would turn the other cheek cause he know there would be trouble," Nick offered his upturned hands.

"At least Heath has some sense," Victoria shook her head. "And you honestly thought this was going to work Nick."

"Well Mother it almost did, why I lasted longer than I ever could and…"

"SO THIS IS GOING TO HELP HEATH HOW NICK!" the lawyer shouted in Nick's face. "THE BISHOP IS GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT THEN WHAT?"

"I swear Jarrod didn't know you could shout so," Nick took out his gloves. "I'm really sorry. You know that why you heard how many times I apologized to Heath on the way home."

"Nick, I know you mean well," Mother stood up. "But sometimes you act like Heath is a new toy. He looks up to you."

The rancher blushed. "Me, Mother? No, more to Jarrod or Gene there more his type."

"No, brother dear," Jarrod sat on the opposite side of him on the couch. "Do you see him in town with me or even showing up at the courthouse?"

Nick shook his head. "I guess I didn't realize…until it's too late. I really am sorry Mother. I go to the Bishop myself and ask him for his forgiveness," he started to stand up.

"No, Nick we'll just have to wait and see," Jarrod patted him on the back.

"I promise not to let it happen again. I don't want to lose him, ever," Nick wiped a tear from his eyes.

"Something wrong, Nicolas," Mother came over and kissed him. "The Lord will make thing right."

Climbing out of the now cold water, the pastor found his nightshirt, robe and slippers waiting, drying off he was happy to see his smelly and stinky clothes were gone. He walked quickly to his room and closed the door. He saw the package for his Mother on his bed along with his bible. Sitting down he opened it, read a few passages and then stared at his desk, willing himself to get the courage to write the dreaded letter to the Bishop. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

Opening the door he saw his Mother holding a tray, he let her in as she set the tray on his nightstand.

"I thought you might be hungry," she brushed his wet hair away from his face.

"A little. Soup, bread, jam and milk all I need," the pastor gave a half-smile.

"Nick really is sorry Heath. He'll do whatever it takes to make you happy," she smiled.

"I believe that. But it wasn't all his fault Mother. God gave us free will."

"Heath, Nick took advantage of you. He's been warned and won't do it in the future," she smiled. "Now eat. You can put the tray out in the hall I'm sure you're tired."

"Yes Mother, too much excitement. Good night," he kissed her on the cheek.

" _ **Good night Heath," she kissed his back and quietly closed the door.**_

 _ **Smelling the soup, Heath quickly devoured the meal and set the tray in the hall. Shutting the door he approached the desk fortified with food. Taking out a piece of paper, he took the pen and started writing.**_

For the next few weeks, Heath concentrated on working on the ranch and studying his options. He had yet to tell his family of the letter he had sent to the Bishop and the contents. But Nick was very conciliatory to him, even forgoing his usual trips into town.

"Nick, you don't have to not to go town because of me," Heath said one day as they rode in from the range and headed into the stable.

"Well now I don't plan on leaving you here while I do…" Nick held up his hands in helplessness as he dismounted and walked his horse into his stall. Heath did the same thing, thankful Ciego wasn't there to hear their conversation.

"Nick, you been doing what you've been doing before you even knew I existed. You should do what makes you happy," the pastor pulled hard on the cinch only to have it come crashing to the stable floor. "Dang it. Dang it. Dang it!"

"It's all right Heath, it's a saddle it ain't going to break," Nick picked up the saddle.

"Will neither am I Nick," Heath locked eyes with his brother.

Nick felt uncomfortable at the intense stare and turned his head away.

"Nick, I'm not you," the pastor pleaded his case. "So if you want to go into town and play poker and go to the saloon, don't let me hold you up. I won't be sitting on my hands. Me and Mother have been playing chess these last few nights. Now go!"

"All right Heath, I guess I'll have to in order to shut you up. You tell Mother I won't be home for dinner," Nick quickly tightened his saddle and rode out, laughing all the way.

Ciego appeared miraculously and helped Heath with the saddle, "Go senor and get cleaned up for dinner."

"Muchas gracias Ciego," still blushing he made his way into the house to be greeted by Silas and Mother.

Mother looked behind Heath, "So where is Nick?"

Heath looked into her eyes. "He had some business in town said he won't be home for dinner."

She rolled her eyes, "I was hoping you would be a good influence on Nick Heath." She took him by his arm.

"Well now can't expect miracles can we, besides gives me a chance to take a hot bath before Nick for once. Any mail for me?" Heath tired to act coolly.

'OH yes," Mother handed him letters from the foyer table. "You have several now hurry; Audra and Jarrod should be home shortly."

Heath took the letters and stuffed them in his shirt pocket, not taking notice of who they were from. Bounding up the stairs he put the letters on his bed, gathered his bathrobe and went to the bathroom. Taking a quick bath he hurried to his room to change and finally look at the letters, both were from the Bishop. Heath's heart sank and a knock on the door stopped him from opening the dreaded letter.

"Mister Heath, dinner in twenty minutes," Silas muffled voice could be heard through his door,

"Oh well," Heath sighed it would wait until later.

Dinner seemed to last forever and Heath begged off for the chess game. Going to his room he sat on his bed and opened his letters. Both were from the Bishop.

The first letter was a short one telling him how glad he had settled into his new family and was happy for him, checking the date the pastor realized the Bishop had been on his yearly retreat. Knowing he would read and answer each letter separately. It was with great hesitation the blond opened the thicker letter from the Bishop, fearing it would hold his separation from the only thing he knew. Taking the letter out he started to read it with his heart pounding.

 _ **Dear Heath,**_

 _ **I was glad to receive both your letters. It appears you are fitting well into your new family. I read your worry of landing in jail with Nick.**_

Heath held his breath.

 _ **I expected you to get into trouble sooner with your brother Nick. Why the stories I could tell you about Nick, he was a wild child and I'm sure gave Victoria her first grey hairs.**_

 _ **IT was God's will you wrote me, we are in desperate need of supply pastors.**_

The pastor let out a sigh of relief, he still was a Reverend.

 _ **If you are still interested please write or wire me to let you know of the upcoming assignments. However, if you truly found your place in Stockton, may the Lord bless and keep you there.**_

 _ **Yours in Christ,**_

 _ **Bishop**_

 _ **The pastor put the letter down and immediately went to his desk to write his beloved Bishop a letter and to tell him he was ready to go into service**_.

The next few weeks Heath felt lighthearted and even whistled.

"What are you so happy about?" Nick grumbled at him, obviously suffering from a long night in town.

"Nothing. Isn't it a glorious and beautiful day brother?" the pastor smiled wide taking in all of God's splendor.

"If you say so, we got work to do, no dilly dallying, boy," the rancher squinted.

"Not like what you did in town?" the pastor kicked his horse hard and rode leaving Nick open mouthed.

Dinner later was also a happy affair; coming home he kissed his step-sister and step-mother, thanking God for such happiness.

"Well Heath you're in good humor tonight, why?" Victoria looked at her happy son.

"Nothing Mother just like I was telling Nick. Every day is beautiful don't ya think? I mean God made every day special. That's what I think anyway. Pass the rolls please," Heath grabbed one and buttered it, enjoying every mouthful of food.

Nick kept looking at him, funny.

"So Jarrod," the rancher, took a forkful of food, "How are things in Frisco? I was thinking Heath and I could take a nice long weekend up there. Show him some culture."

"Nick I highly doubt you can show any culture at all. Heath do you like opera?" Jarrod looked at his blond brother who seemed to savor every bite.

"Love opera; never get a chance to go. Museums either, usually too busy working and such. Always wanted to hear some great Opera but never get a chance," Heath shrugged and continued eating.

"Well I'll be da-darned!" Nick threw his fork down and frowned.

"What is wrong Nicholas?" Mother gave her best irritated look.

"Here I thought Heath and I was going to have a grand old time but seems like Jarrod and Heath like all that cultured stuff!" Nick looked disappointed.

"Well brother, having a good time doesn't mean you have to end up in jail. Heath will be coming up with me and stay in my townhouse. There is an opera I'm sure he would love to see!" Jarrod seemed genuinely happy.

Heath set his fork down. "That sounds real nice Jarrod but there's one thing."

"What's that Heath?" the lawyer's curiosity was peaked.

"I don't have a tuxedo, before it was money. I don't think its possible Jarrod," Heath suddenly found his food unappealing.

"Nonsense Heath, why I know a wonderful tailor in Frisco and he'd had a tuxedo for you in no time and I think I know the perfect women to go. Mother I think Heath will enjoy this very much." Jarrod smiled at his frowning brother.

"It just ain't fair," Nick groused. "Just ain't fair!"

"What isn't fair?" Audra looked at her pouting brother.

"Why Heath here is more like Jarrod then me. I was hoping to have a brother to run the ranch with me, that's all. If you'll excuse me I got ranch books to do," Nick stood up, threw his napkin down and stomped out of the dining room.

 _ **Heath suddenly felt like he lost his best friend.**_

" _ **Heath," Mother patted his hand, "Nick will be okay. You'll see." She lifted up his bowed face and smiled.**_

" _ **All right, if you say so," Heath smiled and then went back to eating.**_

For the next few days Nick was quiet while they worked.

"You okay Nick?" Heath looked at his sullen brother.

"Yah, I'm fine, you make sure the North Forty fence is taken care of. I'll see you at dinner," Nick mounted his horse and rode away leaving Heath alone for the first time since he had been at the ranch.

Heath rode back home by himself wondering about the change in his brother. Boy howdy, he never thought he'd be able to say that. If he didn't know any better he would think Nick was jealous of Jarrod. Shaking his head, he realized he had to learn about being a brother.

Coming in the house he saw both Nick and Jarrod were home.

"Oh there you are," Mother came over and kissed him. "Go and change we have to go to dinner tonight at the Morton's."

"Uh, you mean Mr. Herman Morton the Congressman?" Heath felt his neck constrict.

"Yes I'm sorry I forgot to tell you," she pushed him up the stairs, "We're all waiting for you."

"But Mother do I really have to go?" Heath felt strange going as a Barkley.

"Now why would you not want too?" Victoria looked at her confused son.

"Well I met the Congressman awhile back as Reverend Thomson and I…I don't want to be the cause of any problems and…" the reverend shifted uncomfortably under his Mother's fierce stare.

"Nonsense, you are a Barkley and there is nothing more to be said, besides Herman and your Father go way back. Now go get changed and we can think. Please wear your new blue suit please," she kissed him again and he bounced up the stairs.

Coming home that night, Heath was surprised at the protectiveness of his new family. The congressman bristled at first when Heath's parentage came up and did remark Heath looked an awful lot like Tom Barkley. The good pastor felt that was impossible given the stately portrait of Tom Barkley in the gun room. He felt he didn't look like anything like his father.

"Thank you," Victoria leaned over to Heath as he sat in the back with his Mother. Jarrod and Audra sat in front with Nick riding his horse. All evening Nick had still kept his distance and seemed to make an effort not to be anywhere near Heath.

"For what?" Heath glanced at Nick as he rode by them.

"For being a gentleman and not striking Herman for his remarks," Mother squeezed his hand and looked at him.

"Well the Lord he gave me lots of patience and I've heard worse. Ignorance isn't always bliss, I'm afraid," Heath said, "look where it got me," he smiled grateful for his new family.

"Well now seems to me Theresa was making googley eyes at you boy," Nick snickered making Heath blush.

"So he talks," Jarrod laughed.

"And what's that supposed to mean, counselor" Nick sneered as they rode under the archway to home.

"It means Nick you was awfully quiet at dinner," Heath got out of the buggy and then helped his Mother out.

The rest of the family was heading towards the house.

"I think I'll take care of the horses," Heath volunteered. "I need the practice."

"All right," Mother kissed him on the cheek, "Don't take too long."

Nick and Heath led the horses into the stable.

Taking the tack off, Heath led the horses into the stalls and taking a curry comb he worked on the horses watching his silent brother.

"Everything okay Nick?" Heath tried again to reach his sullen older brother.

"Why do you keep asking me that when I told you I fine," Nick again grumbled at him as he combed his horse.

"Oh I don't know. Didn't know you could be so quiet, it's kinda scary, I'm waiting for the volcano to explode," Heath had finished with his horses and made his way over to his brother's stall.

"Volcano? You talk just like Jarrod. Can't you speak plainly?" Nick took the comb and walked to put it on the shelf.

"All right Nick," the pastor folded his arms in front of him, "Just what in the world is bothering you? And don't say there isn't because you've been giving me the cold shoulder the last few days. You bark orders at me and then won't even talk to me."

Nick looked at his confused new brother. Here he thought he had someone to take care of the ranch with, a brother he had dreamed of his whole life. He knew Jarrod didn't care for ranching and when Gene came along he had lost him to books too. Heath seemed a contradiction in terms; he spoke with the word of God, but man could he ride a horse. Like sure poetry and the men respected him for it.

"Well I'm waiting," Heath's nose flared.

"I thought patience was one of your virtues," Nick snickered.

"Even I have my limits, big brother," Heath looked again in his brother's hazel eyes.

The black haired rancher sighed. "I guess I'm a little bit jealous of you and Jarrod is all."

"Nothing to be jealous about Nick. I like ranching, never thought I would but I do." Heath still wasn't sure what Nick was jealous about. "You know Nick I'm new to this brother business. I always figured you and your brothers got along, even without the famous Barkley temper," the pastor squeezed Nick's shoulder.

Nick laughed, "Famous Barkley temper, well let me tell you boy, you inherited some of that too."

"Yes one of my faults I'm afraid. I try to rein in most of the time. So what's bothering you? Can't I do other things with my brothers or isn't that allowed?" Heath could see through the fog now.

"Yes, of course you can but," Nick waved his hand off realizing how foolish he had been. "Never mind, let me buy you a sherry brother," he wrapped his arm around the blond and they made their way into the house.

"All right," Heath smiled.

Once in his room, the pastor found a letter sitting on his bed. He knew the writing and opened it up.

 _ **Dear Reverend Heath,**_

 _ **I was so glad to receive your letter stating your intentions of taking another assignment. We are in desperate need of your services.**_

 _ **The assignment is in Nevada and the sooner you get there our prayers would be answered.**_

 _ **Reverend Quimby is overdue for a much needed holiday. Please wire us and we will give you further details.**_

 _ **Yours in Christ,**_

 _ **Reverend Harris.**_

Heath looked at the letter, how was he going to tell his family he had another assignment. Closing his eyes he gave a prayer and got ready for bed.

Bright sunshine streamed through the window in Heath's room, giving a halo of light around his armoire. Stretching he sat up and looked at the piece of furniture which he hadn't opened up since he had been wearing ranching clothes. Sighing he knew of a way to tell his family of his upcoming assignment.

Silas knocked on the door of the pastor's room telling him of breakfast in five minutes, for the fourth time Heath adjusted his collar and proper attire for a reverend. His pants had gotten a little tighter and he realized he would have to get more new clothes for his next posting.

Going out of his room he felt lucky not to meet any of his family there, walking into the dining room conversation stopped.

"Well now you ain't dressed for ranching boy," Nick's voice bellowed with anger.

"Good morning Mother," Heath kissed Victoria on the cheek and went to the sideboard to get his breakfast.

"Good morning Heath. I take it you slept well," Mother asked, she had received a letter from the Bishop regarding Heath's decision.

"Yes Mother I did," Heath sat next to his perplexed rancher brother.

"I'm sorry Jarrod, but the opera will have to wait," Heath butter his bread and Audra looked at him.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jarrod said with disappointment, a deep frown on his face, "I was looking forward to it."

"You're leaving then," Audra pouted, "for how long?"

 _ **Blue eyes locked. "I don't know yet Audra. I've got to send a telegram to get the details."**_

" _ **Just like that you're leaving," Audra again locked eyes with her pastor brother.**_

" _ **I'll be back, Audra," Heath smiled trying to take the edge off his sister's frown.**_

" _ **Well you. What if you get a permanent posting? We're just getting to know you," the blonde threatened to cry.**_

" _ **Audra, I don't think that will happen. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to go to town," Heath stood up and left the tense filled room.**_

Ciego drove Heath and Jarrod into town for their week in Frisco. The pastor was nervous not sure if he had made the right decision to go with his other older brother. Nick seemed to take offense but with a heavy sigh, the pastor knew Nick would have to accept him for what he was.

"You're awfully quiet," Jarrod looked at him.

"Well I've never been to Frisco for pleasure before Jarrod. Mostly been there as a supply reverend, feel kinda funny and we're leaving Nick behind, just doesn't seem right," the blond played with his vest.

"Don't you worry about Nick, Heath. Oh he'll protest and be a whirlwind for awhile but he'll calm down. Nick isn't one to hold his feelings in," the lawyer smiled. "Besides if he did come up I'm sure he would disappear soon enough. Nick, I'm afraid isn't into culture. Oh he reads some, but he'd rather be out in the range or chasing women in town," he chuckled.

"Yes that's for sure, Nick has never held back how he feels," Heath looked up as they buggy stopped at the station. "The family won't mind us being gone?"

"Heath, Heath you worry too much. Come my boy, Frisco waits," the lawyer jumped from the buggy and took both their suitcases. "Follow me." Jarrod had big smile plaster on his face.

Nervously Heath followed his brother to the end of the train and watched as Jarrod climbed on. Following him, Heath found himself in a private railroad car.

"Boy howdy is this beautiful!" the pastor whistled.

"Yes, it's the Barkley's. We travel in style," Jarrod handed their luggage to a Chinamen.

"Ain't never been in a private car before," the pastor continued to follow his brother, giving him a tour of their private refuge.

"Yes Father got this when I was spending time in between Frisco and Sacramento. Didn't think it proper for a prominent attorney to travel in cramped quarters. Father did see the future, so many meetings I have with clients, Governors, and politicians to get our point across," the lawyer sat on one of the chairs in the car.

"You better get settled the train leaves in five minutes," the lawyer continued to smile at his surprised brother.

It had been a very, long day and Nick like the idea of going home.

Gracias mucho Ciego. Usted ha sido un amigo muy bueno y le faltaré grandemente. Vaya con el dios. Thank you very much Ciego. You have been a very good friend and I will miss you greatly. Go with God.

And man's pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit, will retain honor.

Proverbs 29:23

Heath was a bit nervous with all the attention paid to him. He was used to going to his postings, alone. No family, friends or acquaintances ever saw him off. Postings were postings.

Mother and Audra cried Nick, Jarrod and Eugene pounded him on the back so hard he thought he might break.

"You could have all stayed home," Heath smiled. "It ai-isn't like I done it before."

"Yes but you have family now," Victoria gave Heath another hug, "you will wire when you get there?"

The pastor nodded, knowing she had all ready asked a dozen times before he left. Silas had packed him some food and he promised he would write since this would be a long assignment, two months and he would be home for Thanksgiving. Home, such a sweet sounding word.

"Well now, if I'm up in your neck of the woods I'll check on you brother," Nick boasted. "You're in ranch country."

"Sure Nick. Just wire first since I'll have the townsfolk you'll be coming. Wouldn't want you to scare all the children and animals," Heath winked at Nick.

"ALL ABOARD!" The conductor yelled.

"I got to go," Heath waved only to be wrapped in too many set of arms to count. Once released he made his way to his car and the long two journey ahead of him.

The Barkley's watched as the newest member of their family left. Mother and Audra dried their tears

"I think lunch is called for," Victoria announced.

"Sure Ma," Gene smiled, "Then I have to catch my train back to school," he sighed.

"Yes well you had a nice long weekend with your brother and he'll be back for Thanksgiving and you too young man," Victoria cupped he sons chin.

"Yes Ma, I'll be home. Besides can't miss Silas's sweet potato pie now can I?" Gene wrapped his arm around his Mother's waist and the family headed towards the Cattleman's Hotel.

The train pulled into Heath's destination. Elk, Nevada was just coming awake and Reverend Quimby was expecting him. The pastor had wired the man with his detailed itinerary so Quimby could leave on his overdue holiday. Grabbing his bag from the overhead, he made his way out of the train and walked towards the parsonage.

Finding it, he saw a buggy loaded with luggage and the small house. Knocking on the door, Heath adjusted his collar and looked at the surrounding houses.

An older gentleman came out in casual clothes followed by what Heath assumed was his wife. His hair was grey; he wore spectacles and was somewhat rotund. His wife appeared the same with a large smile on her face.

"Reverend Quimby," the pastor as he offered his hand.

"Humph. Louisa, please get in the buggy. I'll be with your shortly while I talk to my replacement," Quimby ordered his wife.

"Please," Quimby offered Heath inside.

Nodding Heath went into the house and Quimby closed the door.

Quimby looked him up and down, scowling all the way. The blond was used to this since the holidaying reverends were sometimes ordered to take leave and were resistance to do so until the Bishop intervened.

"So you're the great Reverend Thomson? Tsk, tsk tsk tsk," Quimby frowned. "Well I'm going to set you straight reverend," there was an undertone of anger in his voice.

Pointing a finger into Heath's chest the man continued. "Well let me tell you something son. I heard what you do to congregations and I'm giving you fair warning."

Heath shook his head. "I don't understand and …"

"You listen real good, reverend. You come in, taking over and do everything perfect. A service, Sunday school, choir practice and anything else runs perfectly and you're dressed perfectly. No stains on your clothes, no rumpled clothes and you know the exact perfect thing to say at the right perfect time. Why the whole congregation falls all over itself while you're there."

The pastor stood there in confusion, surprise and frustration.

" _ **So I'm giving you warning, son. My congregation better be the same way I'm leaving it. Because I'm not going to have to wait six months to a year for people to stop comparing me to Reverend Thomson. Oh, like I said I heard of other congregations you ruined and you won't do it to mine. Do you understand?" Quimby pushed his finger hard into Heath's chest.**_

 _ **Heath nodded and watched as Quimby left the house only to hear the buggy drive away. Again, leaving Heath alone and God had left him again. His whole reason for being torn away from him in one short conversation along with his heart**_.

He stood there for the longest time, unsure of what to do. A knock on the door brought him out of his stupor and he opened the door.

"Reverend Thomson?" An older well dressed woman asked.

Heath nodded.

"Here," she thrust a covered dish at him, "something to eat. You can bring it back to me at choir practice."

"Thank you," the blond took the towel wrapped dish, "Mrs.?"

"Mrs. Harrington," She thrust out her hand, "Nice to meet you, but I have to feed my family." Her head tilted to the right. "Are you okay reverend?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you again Mrs. Harrington I'll see you on…"

"Thursday reverend Thursday. Good evening," Mrs. Harrington turned leaving Heath in the darkened house.

Heath stumbled into the kitchen and set the dish on the dining room table. He had no appetite and felt sick to his stomach. Walking over he took his suitcase into what looked like the guest room. There was a small bed, desk, chair, lamp and small armoire. Using what energy he had, he carefully unpacked, taking extra care with his new clothes. Undressing he climbed into to bed, sleeping dreamless and tossing and turning all night.

Nick looked at the front door for the fifteenth time and sipped at his drink.

"Really Nick," Mother watched her impatient son. "Jarrod will be home for dinner."

"It's not dinner I'm worried about. Heath said he'd send a telegram and it's been four days. IT takes two days to get there. I'm beginning to think something's wrong."

"Nick, maybe he just got caught up doing the Lord's work. I'm sure he had lots to do," Audra got tired looking at her impatient brother.

"He could find time to send us a telegram," Nick said with concern.

The door opened and shut of find Jarrod confronted by his younger brother.

"Well?" the hazel eyed brother crossed his arms.

"Well what Nick?" Jarrod removed his hat and gun belt. "I can't read minds, much as I would like to."

"Where's Heath telegram? You hiding it somewhere?" Nick shook his head.

"I have the mail will that do?" Jarrod offered up.

"NO, I want Heath's telegram. He could be hurt somewhere he could."

"Nick," Jarrod placed a hand on his tensed shoulder. "I know for a fact the train got in safe and Heath did too. I have a lawyer friend of mine. I wired just to be sure. I'm sure he's very busy getting situated. Just relax."

"So you say," Nick uncrossed his arms. "I'll right. I'm just saying it ain't right. Heath's better than this."

Silas came in announcing dinner. The subdued family went into eat.

Feeling no joy in his work the pastor tried to work through his grief of again losing the spirit within him. It was only after dinner on the second day when he remembered about the telegram.

"Dang it," Heath almost ran to the telegraph office. A family was something new to him. A wish fulfilled nonetheless but something to get used to.

"Evenin, reverend," the telegrapher looked at the young man. "I was ready to close up shop."

"Got time for one more telegram? It's a bit overdue," Heath fumbled his pockets for money, another new thing to get used to. He took some money out, wrote his telegram and then gave the slip of paper and money to the man.

"You realize they won't get this until the morning," he surveyed the pastor.

"Yes, yes I realize it. Can you just send it please? It's very important," Heath shifted on his feet.

"All right reverend hold your horse. Only a few words, heard you preachers talked too much," the man chuckled as he sent the long overdue telegram.

Heath sighed as he left the telegraph office. Now he would have to go back and write his sermon. Something he had dreaded as went to the cold, dark house.

Jarrod was bent over a brief when his secretary came in with a telegram.

"Thank you," he took the telegram and looked over the envelope.

 **The Barkley Family**

 **Stockton California.**

 _ **He tore open the envelope and read the short message.**_

 _ **The Barkley Family**_

 _ **Arrived safe stop.**_

 _ **Heath.**_

 _ **Jarrod shook his head; his newest brother it seemed was a man of a few words unless he was preaching a sermon.**_

The next month found Heath going through the motions, badly. He was always late, his clothes always wrinkled and his thoughts other places. _Maybe the Lord's testing me again. After all I got what I wanted all my life: a Family. Maybe._

"Reverend!"

 _I just need to think on it some. If I pray harder I will hear the Lord speaking to me again._

"REVEREND!"

"Uh oh," the pastor blushed, "you called?" He looked at the harried woman.

"Yes reverend. Everyone is here for choir practice," Mrs. Harrington informed him.

"All right, let's begin then," the blond guided the choir through the selected hymns for the next service. Even that was not music to his ears, he heard every falter, flat note and off key note in the whole choir. His smile felt phony but he persevered.

After practice he went into the tiny church office and tried to write his family. Writing a few lines, he crumpled up the paper and tried one again. It was only after his fourth try the letter sounded reasonable. Quickly writing it, he sealed it into an envelope before he changed his mind.

Walking into town, he was stopped several times in town from congregants asking him to dinner. However, this time he turned them down, unwilling to show his shame for the people he was supposedly guiding when he considered himself a lost sheep at the moment.

"Afternoon," Heath smiled at the postmaster. "I have a letter to mail."

"Good day reverend," the mailman hurmped. "Another letter?"

"Yes another letter," Heath slammed the letter on the counter making the man jump.

"Well you don't need to get nasty about it reverend. Just you seem to write a lot of letters." The old man frowned at Heath and looked him over.

"I'll take you to mind your own business," Heath put the coins on the counter. "Good day," turned swiftly around and left to head to the parsonage.

"Audra frowning doesn't become you at all," Mother looked at her downcast daughter. She watched as Audra seemed to daydream with each stitch.

"It's just Heath promised to write and we've gotten so few letters from him," Audra turned back to her needlework; unable to concentrate knowing Heath was all alone.

"Oh Mister Heath be real busy Miss Audra," Silas brought in tea and cakes. The houseman smiled and looked at the women.

"Yes Silas is right; it takes a lot of time. You remember when he replaced Reverend Stacey?" Mother tried to comfort her daughter.

"Yes Mother I forgot. It was just nice having him here all the time. Getting to know him," Audra smiled as she took a cake.

The front door opening and closing brought a smile to both their faces.

"Jarrod what are you doing home so early?" Victoria watched as her son came in whistling and drawing something out of his pocket.

"Good afternoon lovely lady," Jarrod kissed his Mother's hand. "I come bearing gifts." The lawyer took a letter and placed it in her hand. "I've one for you too Audra," he placed a letter in his sister's hand whose smile made his day.

"Oh Jarrod how wonderful. I'm going to my room and read it right now," Audra put her needle work down and rushed to her room.

"Jarrod thank you. Audra was feeling so lonely without Heath; the truth is I miss him so much. He's made quite an impression on us hasn't he," Victoria bit her lower lip.

"Yes that he has. I have a letter for Nick and I got one myself," Jarrod sat down in a chair near the cold fireplace and frowned.

"What is it Jarrod? Heath's not sick is he?" Victoria looked into her concerned son's blue eyes.

"I don't know. Oh his letters are okay. About the town, his congregation but something's missing," Jarrod gave a half hearted laugh, "but then none of us knows what Heath's writes do we now."

" _ **Of course Jarrod. I will read Heath's letter before I go to sleep," Mother patted the letter she had in her lap and stood up. "I'm going to take a short nap before dinner."**_

" _ **All right Mother," Jarrod stood up and kissed his Mother on the cheek before she headed up stairs.**_

 _ **He plopped back down in the chair and continued to stare into the empty grate**_.

Proverbs 3:5— _"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding._

For the first time in his career of being a reverend Heath was counting the days of his posting, when he would be free to go back home. Home to figure out his future and not be a lost sheep anymore.

He was lost with the paper work in the church office when a knock at the door brought him out of his misery. Getting up he opened the door to see a nervous local boy.

"Good afternoon reverend," Jimmy Palm looked up.

"Good afternoon Jimmy. Something I can do for you?" Heath took tell the boy was nervous.

"Yes I got a telegram for you," the boy handed him a sealed envelope.

"Thank you son," the pastor pulled out a quarter and gave it to the boy.

Jimmy looked at the quarter, "No thank you reverend. Good day." He turned around and quickly ran away.

Heath closed the door, sat at the desk chair and opened the telegram.

 **Bishop Talton**

 **Reverend Quimby delayed. Stop. Injured. Stop. Must extend posting. stop. Two month. Stop. Will send letter with details. Stop.**

 **Yours in Christ. Stop.**

 **Bishop Talton. Stop.**

Heath crumpled up the telegram and threw it in the wastebasket. So much for being home, his first real home, for the holidays, but then again the Lord was a demanding master.

Standing up he stretched, took his coat from the back of his chair and headed to the telegraph office. Bracing himself he knew he was sending bad news home.

Jarrod was working on a particular bad brief when his secretary knocked at his door and laid a telegram on his desk.

"Thank you. Why don't you go home now?" the lawyer looked up as he saw who the telegram was from.

"Goodnight Mr. Barkley," the secretary, left quickly.

Opening up the telegram, Jarrod's heart fell knowing the reaction of the rest of his family. He was glad he had dismissed his secretary as he would rather deliver bad news in person.

He rode home thinking of how to break the news.

"Hello senor Jarrod," Ciego startled the lawyer.

"Hello Ciego," he dismounted.

"You are home early?"

"Yes Ciego," and frowned.

Jarrod opened the door to the house to find his mother and sister in the parlor.

"Good afternoon lovely ladies," the lawyer kissed both his mother and sister.

Victoria crossed her arms. "What is the matter sweetheart?"

"That bad," Jarrod crossed over and poured himself a drink "I'd rather wait until the whole family is here."

"Oh no," Audra's eyes went wild.

"It's all right honey," Jarrod quickly hugged his sister. "I can assure you no one has died. Although it feels that way."

The front door slammed. "ANYONE HOME!"

Victoria shuddered. "We're in the parlor Nicholas. Can't you for once come into the house quietly?"

"Hello there brother you're home early," Nick kissed his Mother on the cheek, "You speaking in riddles again?"

"Hello to you too brother," Jarrod pulled out the telegram from his pocket. "Since we're all here now I can tell you the bad news."

"Bad news?" Nick sat his drink down.

"Yes I received it from Heath. He won't be coming home for the holidays his posting has been extended," Jarrod frowned and gave the telegram to his mother.

"That isn't fair!" Audra protested. "Can't you do anything about it?" She looked to Jarrod with hopeful blue eyes.

"I'm sorry honey my powers of persuasion are at the mercy of the courts. God is just a little too high for me," Jarrod tapped her nose.

" _ **Well that just tears it. Heath's first holidays here and he's off some where. So tell me where is God there Jarrod? Heath finally got what he wanted and he's stuck somewhere," Nick was livid as he paced the parlor.**_

" _ **Enough children. Heath all told us the cold hard truth and about the postings he has been. I do believe God is more powerful than any of us. Shall we go to dinner?" Victoria saw Silas standing silently at the foyer.**_

46 Ecclesiastes To every _thing there is_ a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  
 _2_ a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up _that which is_ planted;  
 _3_ a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;  
 _4_ a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;  
 _5_ a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  
 _6_ a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;  
 _7_ a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  
 _8_ a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace

Heath welcomed the cold weather, it fit his mood perfectly. Thanksgiving was coming up, yet he had no reason to be thankful. Many of the congregation graciously offered their home to him. Thinking over his invitations he chose one family, whom he would shower with his new found wealth.

Thanksgiving was cold as the pastor made his way to his hosts. He had the butcher and grocer send over food to the family. He held a bouquet of flowers for his hostess, a bottle of scotch for his host and small toys for the children.

Even before knocking on the door, the smell of turkey made him swoon and his mouth water. His hands full he kicked the front door softly. It opened to him welcoming him into the warm and cheery house.

"Come in Reverend," Percy Simmons welcomed Heath in. "Oh my!" An older gentleman he took the gifts from the pastor.

"Oh this is for you," Heath handed over the scotch and the children came to him dressed in their finest. "And this is for you," the children squealed and kissed the minister on the cheek.

"Oh and this is for Martha," the blond watched the apron worn mistress of the house shed a few tears over his small offering.

"Reverend, there beautiful. They can be our centerpiece," she kissed him on the cheek making him blush. "Please make yourself at home. Dinner will be ready in an hour." She disappeared back into the kitchen.

For the next hour Heath discussed horses, weather and all other small talk with his host. When dinner was served he ate slowly and listened as the family talked. Pumpkin pie was served with coffee. It was dark before Heath left and again his hosts thanked him for his gifts.

His breath exploded in front of him as he walked in the quiet town back to the parsonage. His stomach was full but his heart was still heavy. Going into the cold, dark house, he once again climbed into his cold bed and dreamed of happier times.

The month passed quickly and Heath was giving a silent prayer for things moving swiftly along. Choosing the children for the pageant, the practicing of Christmas hymns and the seemingly always being a step behind.

An early snow was predicted for Christmas Eve as the pastor set up the church. Greens, mistletoe and berries were placed in the church. Yes it smelled like Christmas but his heart wasn't in it. He had sent the presents to his new family, not sure how they would be received.

In the cold house, the pastor ate a sandwich and reviewed his notes for his sermon. Christ's birth had changed the world, but he hadn't. Sighing, he finished his sandwich and went to his room to change. He took a heavy coat as the weather had turned colder in the last few nights.

Going to church, he saw the reflection of the candles on the new fallen snow and drew his coat tighter. The choir was assembled when he went in and was practicing. Taking his coat off he stuffed it behind the pulpit, put his sermon on the pulpit and slicked down his unruly hair.

As it got closer to eleven the small church was brimming with people and the choir started singing. Heath bid his time until sermon time. He rocked back and forth on his heels, silently praying for guidance and the spirit to wrap him tightly, like his well worn coat.

The congregation settled down and he climbed up on the pulpit. Clearing his throat, again he said a silent prayer, hoping God in his tender mercies would hear his plea.

"Tonight is a very special night. And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid ... And the angel said unto them, "Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings o great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord."

Heath cleared his throat and saw the door of the church open letting in the freezing air in. It closed quickly and he went back to his sermon.

"And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God, and saying, "Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, and good will toward men."

"Please remember this night and treasure it. Jesus Christ was born this night, alone, cold and afraid with only shepards and his parents to watch over him. Remember those in need and pray for them. Amen."

The congregation sang silent night as candles were lit from one another. Stillness filled the air for a few minutes as candles were blown out and his flock headed for home. Darkness filled his soul when the sanctuary became silent. Cleaning up in the dark, his feet crunched on the new fallen snow as he walked back to the parsonage.

Christmas day's sun shone bright on the whiteness. Heath was curled up in a little ball when a knock on the door startled him out of his sleep. Getting out of bed, he threw a robe on and walked barefoot to the front door. He opened it to the cold day.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" The Barkley's yelled.

In shock Heath took a few steps back.

"Come in… come in," the pastor ushered his new family into the cold, dreary house.

Nick found the small house cold and went to start a fire in the fireplace, taking off his gloves he touched the cold bricks and knew a fire hadn't been lit in awhile.

Victoria looked at the unadorned room. Christmas was here but you wouldn't know it. On the kitchen table there were a few wrapped presents from parishioners but nothing else gave the holiday away. The matriarch could see her step son had lost some weight, color and seemed ill at ease.

Heath looked at the mantle clock. "Boy howdy I overslept some. If you'll excuse me I have some calls to make," the blond quickly turned and headed towards his room.

"Mother!" Nick looked at her worried face. "He hasn't..."

"Later Nick, later," Victoria watched as Heath came properly dressed in his Sunday best.

The pastor kissed his mother on the cheek.

"I'm real sorry Mother, but I got some calls to make. I should be home in a few hours," Heath looked painfully at his siblings. "I'm really sorry."

"Duty calls Brother Heath, duty calls," Jarrod came over and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry we'll be waiting for you."

" _ **All right then," Heath took his hat and then quietly closed the door behind him.**_

" _ **You heard him, we have a few hours to make this place like Christmas," Victoria ordered. "I think you all know what to do."**_

" _ **Ma I think you missed your calling you would make a fine general," Gene laughed as he headed out of the small house.**_

47

Heath took the longest route to his needy person in his congregation. He was still surprised by his new family's arrival for Christmas. The spirit was still lost and he felt such a disappointment. His breath in front of him, the preacher tightened his jacket and made his last call. He was in no hurry to get back to his temporary home.

Nick went outside and took out his pocket watch. His brother had been gone a long time, so much so that dinner was almost ready. It didn't take long to transform the small cottage into a Christmassy mood. The first thing was to build a very large fire and warm up the freezing house. He shook his head, wondering how someone could sleep in such coldness. His patience rewarded the rancher saw his blond brother ride up.

"Well now about time you showed up!" Nick impatience seeped in as he watched Heath frown. "I'm sorry Heath. It's just I missed ya so much," he said apologetically watching his brother dismount and take care of his horse.

Walking over he took a careful look at the horse. "Not too bad I might say," his grin big, Heath let his guard down.

"Boy howdy Nick I just go where the Lord leads me. Found out some of my congregation was under the weather and tried to get others to bring some food to 'em. Just wouldn't be right being the holidays and such," Heath undid his tack, remaining silent after that.

The dark haired rancher blushed and felt guilty. "I'm real sorry Heath. Real sorry, I tend to open my mouth without thinkin, can't tell ya how many times it's gotten me in trouble. Good thing we have a lawyer in the family," Nick laughed and patted his brother on the back.

"I guess the Lord will forgive you Nick. I'm hungry," Heath's feet crunched in the snow and his brother walked beside him.

"Close your eyes first," Nick insisted blocking the door.

"Nick I'm not a child, will you please let me pass," Heath was getting irritated the sooner Christmas was over the better. He had really counted on this holiday alone.

His brother opened the door, as pine, sugar and turkey hit his nostrils, he opened his eyes to see the transformation of the small cottage. Off to his right the fire blazed and crackled, off to his left, a small decorated pine with too many presents to count and his Mother in the kitchen basting a very large turkey.

"And who says their ain't no Santa Claus," Nick laughed and guided his awestruck brother into the room.

"I don't understand I was only gone a few hours how.." Heath sat down on the couch still in shock.

"Get used to it Heath," Audra curled up to him, "Mother can work miracles."

The preacher just nodded and watched as his family handed out presents, he noticed his stack was larger than his siblings.

"I think I have too many presents here," the pastor shook his head. "I don't think I've ever had this many presents in all my life."

His family glowed.

"Well now we couldn't resist seeing as it's your first Christmas with us," Nick smiled and hardly contained himself. "Why Christmas is my favorite holiday."

"We all thought the same thing," Mother sat down next to him. "We have an hour before dinner is ready."

"Well it just doesn't seem right me having all these presents and you all just a few," Heath blushed and played with his jacket.

"Nonsense," Mother took his hand. "Isn't it better to give than to receive?"

"Yes I guess so I guess I've been on so much of the receiving end before," the pastor quickly wiped away the threatening tears from his eyes.

"Let's open presents," Audra exclaimed and pushed a present towards Heath.

Unused to opening gifts, he took each time with each gift as he noticed Nick grow impatient with each present. Stopping he looked at his frustrated brother.

"Something wrong Nick," Heath undid the ribbon.

"Ain't never seen anyone open presents so slow except Jarrod. Go on boy, tear 'em open its Christmas," Nick urged the pastor on.

Looking at his expectant family, he quickly tore open his presents to see a large pile of clothing, books, and many other sundry items. He was in shock with his new family liked all his gifts, receiving kisses from the ladies and hugs and pats on the back from the men.

 _ **Sitting down to dinner, Heath again looked at the table laden with food, knowing his brothers would eat most of it. Mother said grace and then they began eating**_.

48

Heath watched the train pull out and waved to his family. He didn't have the heart to tell him of his dilemma. Reverend Quimby would be back in a few weeks, and then he would have the long train ride to decide his future. Free will never had been a heavier burden for him now. All he knew was serving the Lord not realizing how it affected others.

So for the next two weeks, he went through the motions until Quimby returned home.

It seemed the whole town had come out for Quimby's return. He wondered if he would ever be so loved. There was a reception in the town hall and Heath planned to stay in the hotel and take the train the next morning. He had all ready moved his things out of the parsonage, happy his family and taken his Christmas gifts home with them.

The sun was setting and Heath was at his desk in the room when a knock interrupted his thoughts. Sighing he got up and opened the door to find Quimby there.

"May I come in?" the man said apologetically.

"Of course," Heath motioned him in.

"I wanted to apologize before you left Reverend," Quimby held out his hand.

"Apologize for what?" the pastor was confused.

"For those things I said before I left. You see, I was supposed to take a holiday years ago but I put it off and then when the Bishop demanded it. Well I took it out on you. You are a good, honest and spiritual man. Will you accept my apology," Quimby pleaded.

"Of course I will reverend. But I think you were right. I never knew what sort of reputation I had, you made me see the truth," Heath turned and walked towards the open window.

"Truth? Now you have me at a disadvantage. As long as you were following the Lord it was I who was in the wrong. Can you understand that?" the older pastor came over to comfort Heath.

"You have to understand reverend, it's all I've known, nothing else until recently. When I found my family," the young pastor's shoulders slumped.

"Well now I think the Lord will find a place for you. With your new family, they've opened new worlds for you. You have a long train ride home. I'm sure the Lord will show you the way," Quimby squeezed his shoulders. "Good luck." He turned and left leaving Heath alone.

Heath could hardly wait to get home. The Lord had indeed showed him the way. The train finally stopped in Stockton and he was never happier to see his family.

"Boy howdy am I sure glad to be home," Heath bounded from one Barkley to the other. "So ready for me to work Nick," the pastor hugged the rancher deeply.

"Uh, ya, sure," Nick said in surprise. "Ya sure you're all right Heath."

"Well didn't you tell me I make a fine right cowboy? Well that's what I plan on doing. Once we get home, I can change and go out with you," Heath took his bags and headed towards the waiting carriage.

" _ **Well now, I thought we'd visit for a while. It's almost dinner and…" Nick was still in shock as he climbed on Coco.**_

" _ **All right then, bright and early tomorrow. It's a working ranch ain't it?" Heath laughed.**_

49

Heath was up before dawn, ready to start on his new life. Before he headed home he had sent a wire to the Bishop telling him he wouldn't be taking any new assignments. Eventually he would send in his resignation, but only after he had settled down to the life of a rancher. He knew his new family would understand when he chose a different path.

Unable to contain himself any further, the pastor knocked hard on his brother's door.

"You up Nick? We're burning daylight! Didn't someone tell me this here is a working ranch," Heath was anxious.

Nick opened his door, half asleep to find his brother, grinning ear to ear, like some fool.

"What time is it?" the rancher rubbed at his eyes and stomach.

"Why I'd say around four am. Sun will be up in a bit," the pastor slapped Nick on the shoulder. "Bout time you got up brother. We got work to do."

"FOUR AM? Have you gone loco boy? The roosters ain't even up yet and neither am I," Nick turned around and slammed the door in Heath's face.

The pastor stood there stunned, turned on his heel to find something to eat.

"Mister Silas," the blond peeked his head into the kitchen.

"What ya doing up so early reverend?" Silas looked at the cowboy.

"Figured to get an early start on things. Lots to do before the cattle drive," Heath poured himself some coffee and sat down. "Only Nick don't seem to be in such a rush. Knocked on his door and still found him asleep." The man shook his head.

"Ya sure is lucky reverend, any other man woulda been dead," the houseman laughed and gave him some cinnamon rolls; "this should tide ya over til breakfast. Mister Nick don't get up early exceptn for a cattle drive. Those creatures got to be looked over like little children."

Heath gulped. "I didn't know Silas. I figured there'd be lots to do before we leave and all."

"Well there is," Nick's jangling spurs came down the stairs. "Only the men ain't usually up yet. Give me some of that coffee there Silas. Gonna need it if I have to work with my brother here." The rancher laughed at Heath.

"You aren't mad?" Heath stood up.

"Sit down boy. Silas will make us breakfast while I tell ya the facts about getting ready for a cattle drive."

Nick was dragging his spurs when they pulled up to the house. Heath had been running him like a flea on a dog and he was tired. This was the first day of two weeks before the drive. Heath had the energy, where he didn't know, nothing seemed to tire the boy out. Even eating, the pastor was ready for more work.

The dark haired man taught him more roping, branding and technique on what to look for. The boy lapped it up like water and asked for more.

"C'mon Nick I'm starving. Wonder what Silas made for dinner?" Heath quickly took the tack off his horse. "C'mon Nick I'll help ya."

Nick slid off the saddle and watched his brother take care of his horse, Coco. Brushing, combing and then feeding both horses.

"Boy howdy have I had me a day," Heath grinned again setting Nick on edge.

"Well let's wash up, huh, get some of this dirt off before we eat," the rancher took Heath by the shoulder to stop him running to the house.

"All right Nick. I promise I won't run, besides seeing as your older I'll let ya get cleaned up first," the pastor pushed Nick through the door.

Nick was happy to oblige his brother, because when he came downstairs again. Heath was talking up a storm with his mother and sister.

"Bath's all yours boy," Nick guided him up the stairs.

"But I was talking to Mother and Audra," Heath protested.

"They'll still be here when you come back," Nick growled and pushed him further. "Besides ain't polite to stink up dinner now git boy."

Heath laughed and made his way to the bathroom.

"I need a drink," Nick headed towards the liquor cart.

"It can't be all that bad Nick," Mother came over and looked at him.

"You're not working with him. I swear that boy's got ants in his pants," Nick planted himself on the couch.

"It's his first cattle drive," Audra protested. "I remember your first cattle drive," his sister laughed.

"It's different I was younger then," Nick took a long satisfying drink.

"Who was younger then," Jarrod kissed his mother and sister.

"When Nick went on his first cattle drive," Audra volunteered and took the sherry her lawyer brother offered.

"Ah yes, I believe Nick couldn't sleep for a week. Father was glad when they returned," Jarrod raised his glass and took a drink.

"Mind if I have a drink," Heath smiled at Jarrod.

The liquor went down the wrong way and the lawyer chocked.

"You okay," Mother hit Jarrod on the back.

"Fine, Mother," Jarrod's voice was raspy. "You wanted a drink."

"Off sherry, big glass to wash the range out of my throat," Heath blushed.

"Fine," Jarrod poured the pastor a glass half full and Heath savored it.

"Dinner's ready ma'am," Silas called.

AT dinner Heath continued his tale of getting ready for the cattle drive. His boundless energy surprised his family, except for Nick wondering if anything would turn the boy off.

The rancher had a hard time keeping his eyes open and then dessert was served in the parlor.

"Boy howdy that was the best meal I had today," Heath wiped the remnants of the apple pie off his lips.

"Well now I thought breakfast, lunch and dinner was the best meal you ate today?" Nick chided his brother.

"Nick please," Mother touched his arm. "Heath's just excited."

"Yes Mother I truly am. Now if you'll excuse me since this is a working ranch time to turn in. Goodnight." Heath kissed his mother and sister and headed up to bed.

Nick sighed heavily. "Now I gots me a moment's peace." He got up and fixed himself another drink.

"It can't be that bad Nick," Jarrod looked at him.

"Jarrod he was up," Nick pointed to the pastor's room. "at four a.m. this morning. We've been goin ever since."

"My then shouldn't you turn in also," Mother warned him, "Considering your brother will be waking you up early again."

"OH no he won't I set him straight this morning. Besides I plan on winning a few dollars at pool. Ladies," Nick guided Jarrod to the gun room for a very long night at pool.

 _ **Nick put the pillow over his head to cover the incessant knocking. Opening his eyes he could see it was four thirty, and he knew who waited him at the other side of the door.  
**_

" _ **Heath you're goin to be the death of me," Nick slowly got up out of bed, promising himself not to throttle his brother.  
**_

50

Later over dinner, Heath realized he tasted and relished every bite of food, matching Nick bite for bite. Ranching sure had given him an appetite, one he thought to never have back.

"Heath," Mother looked as he buttered his fourth biscuit. "Remember how I wrote you about Reverend Stacey retiring?" She said tentatively.

"Yes, Mother I remember," Heath put jam on his biscuit.

"Well what I didn't tell you was the committee approached me about putting your name forward to replace the reverend," Victoria looked at Heath.

"Now why wouldn't they Mother? The Barkley's are the most prominent family in the valley who just happens to have a son who's a pastor. I see no harm in it," the pastor went back to his food.

"Harm?"Audra was confused, "why it would be wonderful, Heath. You wouldn't be traveling anymore and you'd be home," she reached for his hand.

Heath looked up from his plate and into his sister's eyes. He wasn't going to tell them of his change of profession until after the cattle drive. Then he would be home always and never have to worry about leaving his new family.

"Besides ain't like I'm going to get it," Heath tried to let his hopeful sister down gently.

"Not get it? Isn't that pretty cynical Heath?" Jarrod was surprised at his brother's lack of enthusiasm.

"Jarrod my name's been put forth dozen of times for my own congregation and nothing's come of it. I don't think anything has changed since then," Heath tried to reason with his lawyer brother. "Besides I really don't think I'll get it, but I'm willing to meet with the committee Mother, if nothing to save face."

"Maybe you didn't get those postings until you found your family, Heath Barkley," Audra wanted to set her brother straight. "Maybe the Lord was waiting for you to come home."

The pastor sighed, knowing he had made the right decision to leave the church, so he could be with his family full time.

"All right Audra, I'll put my trust in the Lord, but I'm warning you to not get your hopes up is all. Believe me I should know," Heath dived back into his plate and finished quickly.

"Well if you'll excuse me I have some things to do before I turn in tonight," Heath stood up and kissed his mother. "Good night."

Victoria watched her newest son leave the room. His demeanor had changed ever since he got back from his last posting.

"Nick," she looked at her rancher son, "has Heath said anything to you since he got back?"

"IF you mean asking me questions every five seconds and making me tired just looking at him, no. Just seems all fired up for the cattle drive and ranchin. Only I aim to cool his heels real quick on this drive," he gave a wicked grim.

"How brother dear?" Jarrod wondered if anyone could put out Heath's fire.

"Well Jarrod, Heath here," Nick pointed his thumb towards his absent brother, "is going to work drag the whole drive. Eating dust, dirt and whatever else should take the shine off ranchin real quick."

"That's mean Nick. Tell him Mother," Audra was livid at her brother's treatment. "He's only trying to be a good rancher Nick. I remember you couldn't wait for your first cattle drive with Father. You shouldn't treat Heath that way at all."

"Well, sis you ain't workin with him, getting up at four am and wanting to work way past dark. He'll have plenty of time to learn ranchin, just don't know why he has to do it all at once," Nick yawned. "Well now if you'll excuse me I have to work on the books, seeing next week is goin to be real busy and won't be back for a month." Nick stood up a left his family to head towards the gun room.

"I'm awfully tired Mother," Audra also stood up. "I have a few letters to write. Goodnight." She left the room wondering what all the fuss was about.

"Ah me too Mother. I have a few briefs to write before I turn in," Jarrod stood up, walked over to his mother and kissed her, "Don't worry everything will work out."

"I certainly hope so," Mother smiled.

Heath sat at his desk, took out a sheet of paper and started to write.

 _Dear Bishop,_

He had never written a resignation letter before, especially to the bishop. The church was all he had ever known, his home and life. The Bishop had been there when he was struggling at seminary and had found him a tutor. He had talked to him on his first assignment and had been there when his faith had faltered. He considered the man, a father and a friend. How could he write his letter without hurting the man he cared deeply for?

A knock on the door surprised him; he was still in his ranching clothes when the knock came.

"Come in," Heath sat in his chair as Mother walked in. Standing up quickly he knocked over the ink bottle on his letter.

"It's all right Heath, please sit down," Victoria motioned Heath to relax.

"It's all right," the pastor quickly cleaned up the mess.

"Heath, was it presumptuous of me to approve of your name for Reverend Stacy's position?" Victoria was concerned about Heath's recent behavior.

"No Mother, in fact I would have thought otherwise if you didn't bring my name up," Heath smiled and took his mother's hands. "You know I'd do anything for you. You gave me a home and a family, something I'd never thought I'd see."

"All right Heath. I just wasn't sure I was doing the right thing. You have no worries to meet with the committee then?" Steel eyes searched blue eyes.

"No, Mother. Just tell me when and where and I'll let Nick know," the pastor smiled at his new mother, "Yes I'll do it. Please don't worry everything is just fine."

 _ **Victoria nodded. "All right Heath, just don't run Nick ragged. Remember he's older than you," she kissed him on the cheek and then left him alone.**_

 _ **Heath looked at the ink stained desk and would write his resignation before the drive.**_

51

Heath came home at the appointed time to meet with the committee. He had feigned off going to church on Sunday but couldn't get out of seeing another committee of men deciding his fate. It didn't matter a wit because he had all ready determined his fate and would save face for his family and the church.

Coming through the door his mother was waiting.

"I must say you are prompt," Mother kissed him on the cheek. "There all in the gun room waiting for you."

The pastor placed his hat on the foyer table.

"Good luck," Victoria watched as her son went to tame the lions and went to the parlor, her stomach doing flip flops.

Heath sighed and opened the door, oh the names and faces were different but he knew the routine of questions, backwards and forwards. Five, dour older men who would determine his future, too many times he had seen the faces and all ready knew the results.

"Gentlemen," the pastor looked at each of the five men, giving them eye contact, a smile and then walking to each a warm, hard handshake. "You wouldn't mind if I get something to tame the trail dust?" 

"No. No." The men murmured.

Going to the drink cart, he turned around. "Can I offer you gentlemen anything?"

Again the men nodded and spoke no, since they had to maintain the propriety of good church men.

Turning back to the drink cart, Heath noted his choices, sherry, whiskey or scotch. Since he knew this posting was a lost cause anyway and he was moving on he had seen Nick drink whiskey on more than one occasion. Taking a glass, he poured two fingers and swirled the liquor in the glass.

He could hear a few quiet gasps as he drained the whiskey in one gulp. The liquid burned as it went down his throat and it took all his self control to not cough. Clearing his throat he turned back to his serious guests.

"I'm ready now," the pastor's voice croaked, cleared his throat, "ask away."

"Do you mind if we call you Heath?" Mr. Hopkins asked.

Heath nodded.

"Well now Heath," Hopkins rocked on his heels. "Do you like Stockton?"

"I love Stockton Mr. Hopkins, my family is here and since I had the fine pleasure of spelling Reverend Stacey while he was on holiday I find the citizens of Stockton to be good god fearing folk," the pastor sighed inwardly.

"You wouldn't have a problem living in the parsonage and not here at home, if you were called I mean," Mr. Whitney adjusted his wire frame glasses.

"No. I know it best for me to be in town, if I was to serve my congregation. Best to be amongst the people," Heath smiled.

"Um, how does your family feel about this? Seeing as you would be ministering to them as well as the congregation," Mr. Somers looked at him.

Heath stood there for a moment, since he had never had a family to consider before. Yes, they had been happy for him, but being their pastor was a different matter.

"I reckon they are real happy for me. .They'd be real happy if I got the call," Heath rubbed his nose.

"If you get the calling would you be making any changes?" Mr. Howard squinted.

"Well now I couldn't rightly say, Mr. Howard seeing as I was only here a short time. I would have to see, over time of course if anything needed to be changed." Heath could see a few frowns

All five men looked at each other and came together as a group.

Mr. Standish looked at him. "I think you've answered all of our questions, Heath."

"Glad to hear it Mr. Standish, now if you'll excuse me I have a cattle drive to get ready for," Heath gave two finger wave and made his way out of the gun room, to walk right in front of mother.

"Mother!" Heath stopped him from knocking her over.

"How did was it?" Victoria's eyes sparkled with hope." That was awfully short."

"It went fine Mother," the pastor kissed her on the head. "I'll see you at dinner."

Heath grabbed his hat and was out of the house before Victoria knew it.

The men came out still talking among themselves.

"Victoria," Standish came over and shook her hand. "I think we're all through here, aren't we gentlemen?"

The selection committee all nodded.

"But I have luncheon," Victoria pointed towards the dining room.

"That won't be necessary we have work to do. Good day Victoria."

 _ **Each man took his hat from the foyer table said their goodbyes and left a perplexed matriarch in their wake**_.

52

The first three days of the cattle drive, Heath swore he ate more dust than was humanly possible. Each night would find him barely having the energy to eat his dinner and crawl into his bedroll. Dawn would come too early as he wiped the sleep from his eyes and see more dust than he ever wanted.

However, by the end of the week, his muscles didn't protest too much and he actually enjoyed sitting around the campfire and hearing the men talk, gossip, joke and play cards.

How many evening had Nick been in the saloon playing poker and then coming home complaining about it. At the seminary card games were frowned upon, seeing it unseemly a pastor to handle cards of any time. He instead had learned chess, checkers and backgammon. Now to be a real rancher he would have to learn to play poker.

Causally walking over to the fire, he sat himself down besides a few men playing cards. He watched contently for a few minutes to get up his nerve.

"Boy howdy I'd sure like to learn to play poker like you fellas," Heath smiled, his best welcome smile.

Nick was close by and practically spit and choked on his coffee at the same time. A wilted look from one of the cowboys answered his question. First the rancher was going to say no, but it would teach Heath a good lesson when he lost money to more seasoned players. He nodded yes and the man made bug eyes and shook his head. Nick nodded again more forcibly and the cowboy nodded, slowly and turned back to the campfire.

A few days later Nick approached the cowboy to see how much his brother had lost.

"Lost Nick? Why he cleaned everyone out. I'll be glad when I get my pay at the end of the drive. I ain't about to play with the good reverend no more. Seems he really got God on his side," the man complained.

The dark haired rancher decided to up the bonus at the end of the drive. With his brother a big winner at poker, games at the game fire were dwindling and the pastor volunteered for more watches.

Out in the darkness Heath knew his choice to become a rancher was clear. The only thing he had to learn now was to shoot a gun, smoke and visit a view fallen angels for pleasure. Taking off his hat, he scratched his head and hoped Nick would be up to the task. Besides with the money he had won at poker town was looking better and better.

Nick grew more concerned about his errand brother. Ranching was one thing but how was he going to explain to Mother Heath had taken to playing poker; his language had gotten rougher and his jokes dirtier. If he didn't know any better he was surely going to hell for corrupting his little brother. But he would worry about it later, there were still another ten days of the drive and then he would have a serious talk with his brother.

In another three days the drive would be over and the pastor would start a new life. Somehow he never found time to write his resignation letter to the bishop, but when he got home he would write it and send it. On watch the past few nights, he had composed the letter dozens of times in his head and each version he rejected. He was too embarrassed to actually show up in person, it would be too difficult.

 _ **A day away from the end of the drive men were getting anxious for food, women and whiskey. The men's jokes got raunchier and their stories even grander.**_

 _ **Nick was used to such behavior but wondered if it had even been a good idea to introduce his pastor brother to a working ranch. Heath's pursuits were nobler than cattle, orchards and the like. His brother was a man of God saving souls and helping the downtrodden. He knew one thing for sure when he got home; mother was going to kill him, along with Jarrod and Audra.**_

53

Nick paid the men off and walked towards his brother who was leaning on one of the cattle's pen fence. It wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to since his seemingly innocent pastor brother had been transformed to a rough and tumble cowboy. The dark hair rancher looked at Heath, with his tan Stetson at an angle, a smirk on his face, his blue shirt and tan pants still covered with trail dust. Stuffing the balance of the cattle money with the receipt in his right pocket shirt, rubbing his face with his gloved hands he walked over to his blond brother.

Heath was staring from the pens to the town. He was looking forward to learning the finer points of being a real cowboy from his brother. However, as Nick walked over there was a scowl on his brother's face he had never seen before.

"Boy howdy Nick, we made a pretty penny with the sale of them cattle. Looks like it time to live it up like the rest of the men. Some of them were talking about Rosie's and…"

"WHAT? NOW LISTEN BOY YOU AIN'T," Nick pushed a gloved finger into the blond's chest, "GOING INTO NO DAMN WHOREHOUSE. MOTHER WILL HAVE MY HIDE IF SHE EVER HEARS ABOUT IT!"

"Simmer down Nick. I was going to tell everyone when we got home, but I guess this is as a good as time as any," Heath smiled and Nick frowned.

"When we get home I'm turning in my resignation," the pastor said with a flourish and smiled at his big brother.

"Resign from what?" Nick took off his hat and wiped at his brow.

"From the church Nick, where else would I resign from?" The blond wondered if his brother was as dense as he pretended to be sometimes.

"On no you don't put that burden on me brother," Nick shook his head and looked at his pastor brother. "I'm sorry I ever asked you on this drive. I think it's gone to that thick head of yours." As he pushed his hat back down on his head.

"Nick, I'm serious. I been thinking it ever since I got back from my last posting. Besides Jarrod told me you've always wanted a brother and partner to help you run the ranch," Heath pointed to himself. "I'm the one Nick. God brought here to be that brother."

"But Heath…" Nick wondered how he in the world he would ever explain this to the family.

"You said it yourself I was a natural. I can ride, rope, brand and break a horse with the best of them. I'm your partner for the ranch Nick. I don't need to be a pastor anymore," Heath pleaded with Nick wondering how his brother couldn't even see it.

"Heath," Nick looked at his confused younger brother. "But you're a natural preacher boy. You have to remember I've seen your work."

"Work Nick? I didn't have a choice on becoming a preacher. It was stacked against me from the very beginning," Heath snorted.

"Funny," the rancher looked at the crestfallen man, "Seems to me you preached about free will and that. Everyone can make a choice, just like you did."

"Well like I said the cards were stacked against me," taking his hand he counted on fingers. "One I was raised in a religious orphanage, two, I went to a religious school and three I went to a religious college. What chance did I stand Nick? Huh where was my free will!"

Nick studied his ardent brother and his arguments which he knew to be untrue. If he had been in his shoes he might feel the same way. Thinking of his lawyer brother, the rancher had to be careful not to offend or discourage his new brother.

"Heath, there were other boys at the orphanage and school, right?" Nick asked his first question carefully.

"OF course there was Nick, you don't think I lived in the orphanage alone did ya?" Heath was on the defensive, surprised at Nick's reaction and not embracing his new career.

"And these same boys in school and college too?" Hazel eyes met confused blue.

"Yes Nick, I pretty much went through my whole life with the same set of boys who turned into men. What you driving at?" The pastor was getting tired of his older brother's questions.

"So did all them boys turn into preachers too?" Nick crossed his arms and waited.

Heath looked at the hazel eyed man with more respect and rubbed at his nose.

"No Nick not all of them," Heath said with resignation.

"Well now, what did they turn into?" Nick saw the light in his brother's eyes.

"Doctors, lawyers, bankers and well all sorts of things. Just a few us ended up as preachers," the blond took off his hat and put it back on.

Nick squeezed his brother's broad shoulders. "Heath, no matter what ya chose you'll always be my brother. If you work the ranch with me or serve God. Ya got to be doin this for the right reasons and I've seen God work through ya too many times to forget."

The blond was surprised. "God work through me?" Heath remembered the times the spirit had left him. "When?"

"Well for one thing your sermons. They make me sit up and take notice, no chance of me falling asleep when you're preaching," Nick stated his next set of arguments.

"Nick, of course you listened to my sermons I was a new pastor while Reverend Stacy was gone. Always happens," Heath gave his rebuttal.

"NO, don't work that way. The family's been goin to that church ever since I can remember and I remember them supply pastors. Most of the time I'd find myself falling asleep just like Reverend Stacy," Nick smiled as his brother's attempt to change his view.

"And them children after the funeral. Did ya know they had been tryin to get their children asleep ever since their daughter died? The children were afraid to fall asleep fearin they might not wake up. Ya come in and calm them and within weeks they's all acting like children should," Nick's eyes moistened at the memory of those children and God's handiwork in his brother.

"But I was just…" Heath's arms went down by his side.

"Ya talking to Bull after he lost his mother. Any other man would 'a been busted up pretty good but ya talked to him and I ain't never seen him more gentle," Nick took his brother's arms.

"Heath, look at me," Nick looked at his downcast brother.

The broken blond looked at his brother's eyes.

"And especially at Christmas. Why any other man wouldn't have visited feeling the way ya were but ya did and came back happier for it, cause God was workin through ya again." Nick smiled at the memory of the transformed man.

"How'd you know I was feeling poorly?" Heath looked surprised and ashamed.

"Oh I don't know maybe cause of the cold hearth and that long face of yours at the Christmas eve service," Nick smiled.

"You were there? I didn't see you," Heath remembered a cold wind being blown in the church.

"Oh we was there, in the far back, didn't want to make ya self conscious. We snuck out just as ya released everyone. We knew ya needed us and we show'd up just like God intended." The rancher patted his brother's arms.

"Nick I…"

" _ **Well now let's go into town, get us a nice, hot bath and find us the biggest juiciest steak in town. Cause tomorrow we're going home," Nick wrapped his arm around Heath's neck.**_

 _ **Heath smiled warmly at his smart brother, who knew more and saw more than he had given him credit for. Who in a few short minutes had set his mind at ease and prevented him from making any mistakes.**_

" _ **Thanks Nick," Heath smiled at him.**_

 _ **Nick nodded and he led Heath into town**_. 

54

The day Nick and Heath returned home, Mother threw a welcome home dinner for them. However, on the long train ride home, Nick continued his conversation with his new brother and what it meant to be a Barkley and a brother.

Heath's opinion of his loud, mouthed brother changed on the cattle drive and he gained better respect for the burden placed on Nick's shoulders. The ranch was both Nick's domain and responsibility. After their father had died, the dark haired man took up where his father had left on making the rancher richer and larger.

"Nick," Heath jiggled his brother.

"What? We home?" Nick's half asleep voice mumbled.

"No, didn't mean to wake you. Just wanted to talk," the pastor clasped his hands together.

"Well now you can wake me anytime to talk," the dark haired rancher sat up straighter in the confined train seat and uncurled his arms.

"Boy howdy, had I known about that I would a waked you hours ago and got some sleep myself," Heath gave a crooked grin and looked at his unshaven, half asleep brother.

"Well now, what is your problem?" Nick said in his best brotherly voice.

"You really meant it, about being my brother and all. If I decide not to be a rancher, you won't be mad?" the young man was still unsure of his position in his new family.

"I told ya I won't be mad and I mean it. Goes for everyone else too. Whatever ya decide we will back ya up, watch your back and support ya all the way. Heath, that's what families do, support each other, help each other when yer down and love ya no matter what ya do," Nick patted his brother on the shoulder.

"Like I told you before, I'm new at this family business. It's one thing to counsel one, another to be part of one," the blond smiled at his all knowing brother.

"Anything else on your mind? Seems something's troubling ya," Nick could tell by the still slight frown his newest brother's face.

Crossing his arms, opening and closing his eyes, he relived the interview with the selection committee of the church. He had seen his path so clearly back a few weeks ago but now everything was in turmoil again.

"Nick, I think I messed up my interview with the selection committee real bad," Heath sighed. "Here I thought I had my life figured out until…I wish I talked to you sooner. What am I going to do?"

Nick looked at his worried brother and wondered what he could have done.

"What ya cussed? You busted one of them up?" Hazel eyes met worried and saddened blue eyes.

"No, none of those things. But I took a shot of whiskey and just spoke my mind for once. I was tired of saying all the right things and making all the right moves because I knew I wasn't going to get it," Heath was now angry at himself.

"Hum, I see your problem brother, but ya got an ace in the hole," Nick smirked and laughed.

"Ace in the hole?" Heath was perplexed.

"Well now it does help we're the most prominent family in the valley and we happen to have a family member who just happens to be a reverend in the family plus we have Mother in our corner," Nick squeezed Heath's shoulder.

"Yes Mother, where do you think Audra gets those sweet talking ways of hers? Mother of course, she ain't the Queen Bee of the valley for nothing. And boy you breathe one word of what I told ya, I'll deny every word and I'll bust ya up real good," the rancher whispered.

Heath nodded, never knowing the full resources of his new family.

"All right Nick. I'll sleep easy then," Heath closed his eyes and relaxed for the long journey home.

EPILOGUE

ONE YEAR LATER

Heath looked around the table of his loving family as he ate Sunday dinner.

"I wish you could eat at home more often Heath," Audra smiled at him.

"Well so do I but my responsibilities are in town besides if I didn't come home at least once a week Nick wouldn't provide me with my sermon topic for the next week," the pastor gave a crooked smile.

"Har. Har. Har, brother. It ain't always me causing the problems. It's the other guy. I refuse to be used as your sermon fodder Heath. How about Gene or Audra or even Jarrod here. I ain't the only ones to make mistakes," Nick's hazel eyes met blue eyes.

"I know Nick and I'd be the first one to throw stones at myself. But ya see its so much easier when it happens to you because the whole town knows about it, even before I do," Heath laughed.

"The whole town? You're exaggerating. Ain't now way in he-heck they'd know about it," Nick hurmped.

"Speaking of town, Mother I'll be bringing home someone for Sunday dinner next week," Heath blushed a bit.

"Oh, that wouldn't be Ginny Hudson would it," Audra giggled.

Heath turned ten shades of red. "And how little sister would you know about Miss Ginny Hudson? Humm?"

"I told her Heath and Mother too. You're forgetting I work in town and whenever a certain young reverend squires around a certain young lady tongues are wagging," Jarrod laughed a throaty laugh.

"Well it just ai-isn't fair. Here I'm in town and you know more than I do. Ginny and I are just good friends is all," the pastor wiped at his mouth.

"And I'm a monkey's uncle," Nick smiled. "That's not what I seen last week. Why Heath here," the hazel eyed man pointed to his brother. "Took her to the Cattleman's for lunch. I was in the saloon and even I heard about it. My. My. My for once it's nice people aren't talking about me."

Heath blushed again.

"By the way boy you goin to be ready for the cattle drive next month?" Nick looked at his still embarrassed brother.

The pastor nodded. "Yes, the supply pastor is all ready set to come. Oh, Nick we got some new hands don't we?" He grinned.

"Ya, well?" Nick didn't like the evil grin on his brother's face.

"Boy howdy the church needs a few things and I could sure earn some extra money playing poker with the new hands," Heath winked at Nick.

"Nicholas," Mother eyed his older brother, "How in the world did Heath learn how to play poker. You assured me everything went fine on the last cattle drive."

"Sorry about that Mother. You see it's a real long story and I really have to head back to town," Heath got up and kissed his mother, sister and hugged his brothers quickly.

"This topic is not forgotten Heath," Mother warned. "I think we're going to have a nice, long talk when we meet for lunch tomorrow and any fundraising you talk to your sister."

"Goodnight everyone," Heath waved as he left the house.

Mother turned and looked at Nick. "So tell me Nick how did Heath learn to play poker?"

"Well ya see Mother it was like this….

End


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